UP STICKING AROUND FOR THE WRONG REASONS AND IT WILL TURN BAD AND MESSY.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
IT CAN EVEN BE DANGEROUS FOR YOUR SPIRIT TO HAVE SEX WITH THE WRONG PERSON BECAUSE SEX IS A RITUAL OF SHARING ENERGIES. CONNECTING YOUR ENERGY WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN’T VIBING WITH YOU ON A DEEPER LEVEL, WHO’S MIND ISN’T RIGHT AND WHO CARRIES DARKNESS IN THEIR HEART WILL PLACE THEIR NEGATIVE VIBES RIGHT INSIDE OF YOU WHILE ENTERING YOUR SACRALITY, YOUR TEMPLE. AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW IT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE LOST IN THE ACT OF LUST, BUT SOON OR SOMETIMES YEARS LATER YOU WILL SUBCONSCIOUSLY NOTICE HIS BADNESS SPREADING INSIDE YOU LIKE HIDDEN POISON. I KNOW THIS MUST SOUND A BIT EXTREME TO YOU, BUT I LIVED THROUGH THIS.
Be careful who you open up to because in America it was, when „the devil tried me“.
I SAT IN A STRIP CLUB‚JADED AND ALMOST IN A TRANCE STATE, WHEN THIS MAN, HANDSOME WITH NEAT DREADLOCKS, TOOK THE SPOT NEXT TO ME. I WAS ALONE BECAUSE MY FRIEND LINA WAS CHECKING ON HER OLD COWORKERS (YES SHE USE TO WORK THE BAR IN A STRIP CLUB). IT WASN’T MY FIRST TIME IN ONE OF THESE JOINTS BECAUSE IN THE SOUTH THE WHOLE STRIP CLUB CULTURE IS REALLY POPULAR, IT’S ALMOST LIKE GOING TO A REGULAR CLUB. IT IS EXCITING, BIG PIMPED UP CARS PULL UP AND A LOT OF FANCY-DRESSED PEOPLE ARE SHOWING OFF THEIR NEWEST BLING AND ASSETS (LITERALLY). I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS PART OF A RAP VIDEO, OFTENTIMES ACTUAL RAPPERS DID COME THROUGH TO THESE CLUBS.
NOT ON THAT NIGHT THOUGH, IT WAS A SLOW NIGHT AND I WAS SIPPING ON A DRINK THAT ANOTHER MAN HAD BOUGHT ME BUT I HAD LEFT HIM BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING TOO MUCH AND I REALLY WASN’T INTERESTED IN WHAT HE HAD TO SAY. THIS ONE HERE, LET US CALL HIM „ATLANTA“ BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE HE’S FROM, WAS DIFFERENT.
HIS WHOLE VIBE AND ENERGY WERE SO STRONG AND I FELT REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM, HE SEEMED VERY INTELLIGENT AND ALMOST MYSTERIOUS. HE WOKE ME UP, THE CONVERSATION STARTED INNOCENTLY AND FLIRTATIOUS BUT SOON WE MOVED FROM THE BAR CHAIRS TO A COUCH SETTING AND OUR CONVERSATION GOT DEEPER.
HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I COULD JUST OPEN UP AND SPILL MY WHOLE LIFE TO HIM AND HE’D BE THERE TO HOLD ME WITH HIS STRONG ARMS. HE HELD MY LEFT HAND WHILE I TALKED, I REMEMBER BECAUSE IT STOOD OUT TO ME, I REALLY FELT LIKE I HAD HIS FULL ATTENTION AND HE CARED ABOUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY.
WE WERE THERE UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING AND THE CLUB CLOSED, I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT LINA, WHO ENDED UP GOING HOME AFTER SHE COULD NOT FIND ME AND I WASN’T ANSWERING MY PHONE. HE DROVE ME HOME TO HER HOUSE AND GAVE ME A HUG FOR GOODBYE – NO KISS.
I REMEMBER HE SMELLED GOOD, A SMELL THAT I WOULD NEVER FORGET AND THAT SHOULD MAKE MY INSIDES TURN FOREVER.
I TOLD HIM THAT I WISH TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND HE SAID: „DON’T WORRY – WE WILL.“ LOOKING BACK IT FEELS LIKE A THREAT.
WE NEVER EXCHANGED NUMBERS AND I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT HIM BESIDES THAT HE WAS HERE IN TEXAS FOR BUSINESS AND AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS OF NOT HEARING FROM HIM (SINCE WE DIDN’T HAVE EACH OTHERS CONTACTS) I FORGOT ALL ABOUT HIM. BUT HE MEANT WHAT HE SAID… THAT „WE WILL (SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN)“.
MY TIME IN TEXAS ENDED WITH BEING ARRESTED FOR BEING IN A CAR WITH SOMEONE WHO HAD A GUN AND DRUGS ON THEM (YES, I REALLY WAS HANGING WITH THE WRONG
CROWD) AND EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE NO CHARGES BROUGHT UP AGAINST ME, MY AUNT SAID SHE COULD NOT BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME ANYMORE. MY COUSIN HAD TOLD ON ME THAT I KEPT SNEAKING OUT AT NIGHT AND SHE DOESN’T WANT ME TO END UP PREGNANT LIKE MY OTHER COUSIN FROM TRINIDAD WHO THEY TOOK FOR A SCHOOL SEMESTER.
SO THEY SENT ME TO ANOTHER AUNT IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, WHICH SOUNDS MORE EXCITING THAN WHAT IT WAS BECAUSE THAT WHOLE FAMILY THERE WAS SUPER STRICT AND AWARE OF EVERY MOVE I TRIED MAKING.
I WASN’T ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE BY MYSELF AND ALL THE ACTIVITIES WERE REALLY PJ13.
I WAS SO BORED THERE AND JUST FELT LIKE I’M WASTING MY TIME, I WASN’T EVEN ALLOWED TO WATCH TV THAT MUCH BECAUSE THEY DID "NOT BELIEVE IN THAT“. THEY WERE TRINIS BUT VERY TYPICAL LA PEOPLE, VEGAN, PHYSICALLY ACTIVE, CAREER-DRIVEN AND ACTUALLY GOOD PEOPLE BUT TOO STRICT FOR ME AFTER LIVING A LIFE OF „NO RULES“ IN
TEXAS. ONE PLACE THEY HAD NO PROBLEM WITH ME GOING
WAS THE BEACH, SO THAT BECAME MY DAILY HANG OUT SPOT.
AT REDONDO BEACH, I MET THIS GIRL WHO BECAME MY GOOD FRIEND AND HER FACE WAS CUTE AND INNOCENT ENOUGH FOR MY AUNT TO LIKE HER TOO, SHE EVEN ALLOWED ME TO GO TO AN ALL WHITE POOL PARTY WITH HER. IT WAS SUPER TURNT‚JUST LIKE IN ONE OF THOSE MOVIES I USED TO WATCH BACK IN MY GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE WHEN I DREAMED OF A MORE EXCITING LIFE.
I was finally here, I could’t believe it.
I WAS DANCING AND DRINKING AND BEING INVITED INTO THE VIP SECTION WHERE THE PARTY GOT EVEN BETTER. BOTTLE POPPING, MONEY BLOWING, CHAMPAGNE FLOWING,
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND BIG WHITE TEETH COVERED WITH GOLDEN DIAMOND GRILLS EVERYWHERE… WHAT A LIFE ( - YUP, THAT’S WHAT MY VAIN DREAMS WHERE MADE OF.)
IN THAT SAME VIP SECTION, I MET „HARLEM“ (LET’S CALL HIM THAT BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE HE WAS FROM). I FELL FOR HIS RADIANT SMILE AND HIS EXPENSIVE COLOGNE SMELL. WE EXCHANGED NUMBERS EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS HIS LAST DAY IN LA BUT HE INVITED ME TO COME TO NEW YORK AND I TOLD HIM „BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU’RE OFFERING BECAUSE I MIGHT TAKE YOU UP ON THAT“. HEJUST SMILED AND SAID: „I GOT YOU BABY“.
A FEW WEEKS AND A LOT OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ARGUMENTS WITH MY AUNT LATER I BEGAN REALLY MISSING HOME, MY GRANDMA AND CRAVED THE SIMPLE LIFE OF MY VILLAGE THAT I USE TO HATE SO MUCH BUT I HAD NO MONEY TO BUY A TICKET TO FLY BACK SINCE I HAD LONG RUN OUT OF MY SAVINGS. I DECIDED TO HIT BACK HARLEM AND ASK HIM TO HELP ME OUT AND HE ACTUALLY SENT ME THE MONEY FOR A TICKET TO GERMANY. I WAS SO GRATEFUL AND PROMISED THAT I WOULD REPAY HIM.
THE WARM FUZZY FEELING OF BEING BACK „HOME“ QUICKLY FADED IN THESE COLD GERMAN WINTER NIGHTS AND GREY DARK DAYS. THE SNOW FELL INTENSELY AND MY MOOD THICKENED. I BEGAN WORKING AT H&M AND AFTER RECEIVING MY FIRST PAYCHECK WHICH WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER MADE THAT MUCH MONEY, I TOOK A FEW DEEP BREATHS AND BOOKED A FLIGHT… TO NEW YORK.
My time in New York should become my best and the worst time yet.
TWO WEEKS BEFORE MY FLIGHT I TOLD HARLEM I WAS COMING AND HE WAS SO HAPPY WITH THE NEWS. I TOLD HIM THAT I WON’T HAVE ALL HIS MONEY BUT THAT I COULD GIVE HIM A PORTION OF IT, HE SAID: „DON’T WORRY BABY, I GOT YOU.“ HE OFFERED TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT AND TOLD ME I COULD EVEN STAY WITH HIM. BUT I DID’T WANT TO SOLELY RELY ON HIM, BECAUSE ONE THING I HAD LEARNED IS THAT „MEN LIE – AND ONCE THEY GOT WHAT THEY WERE AFTER THEIR PROMISES DON’T MEAN SHIT ANYMORE“, I WENT AHEAD AND BOOKED A HOSTEL IN CASE SOMETHING WOULD GO WRONG.
WHEN HE PICKED ME UP I WAS "SURPRISED” BY HIS CAR, TO SAY THE LEAST, BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WOULD ROLL UP WITH SOMETHING MORE SPECTACULAR THE WAY HE WAS BALLING OUT IN LA. BUT WE HAD GREAT CHEMISTRY AND HE REASSURED ME THAT I WILL HAVE THE BEST TIME EVER IN NY, SO I BRUSHED OFF MY DOUBTS AND ENJOYED THE RIDE.
BUT AS WE DROVE THROUGH MANHATTAN, LEAVING THE FANCY BUILDINGS BEHIND US, I ASKED HIM „WHERE ARE WE GOING?“. THERE WAS A LITTLE BREAK IN OUR FLOW OF CONVERSATION AND I GOT A BIT SCARED BUT THEN HE ANSWERED CALMLY „HARLEM – WE’RE GONNA STAY WITH MY SISTER FOR THE NIGHT AND FROM TOMORROW I ORGANIZED A HOTEL ON BROADWAY“. THAT SOUNDED GOOD ENOUGH TO ME.
WHEN WE GOT TO THE PLACE I WAS SHOOK AGAIN, IT LOOKED LIKE A
