else we will find out together.
Enjoy your day - Beatrice
* * *
Wir telefonieren, er spricht von Einsamkeit, seiner Sehnsucht nach mir, dem Gewicht des neuen Jahres, das auf ihm lastet und dass er die Hälfte seines Schrankes für meine Sachen leergeräumt hat; in Gedanken träume er von den bunten Kleidern, meinen luftigen Schals, meinen zarten Dessous als kostbaren Schätzen in seinem Zuhause - und spricht davon, wie er sich nach meiner Haut, meinem Duft und meinem Bleiben bei ihm sehnt.
Beatrice 19. Januar
Dear Shan –
All people with a conscious life know about the existentially feeling of loneliness in this world. It starts when we become adult persons and have to leave our mother where we have been protected and really loved and looked after.
Some of us try to escape with alcohol, drugs, parties, lots of sex, become workaholic and so on; different possibilities. To stop this is very encouraged!Staying in front of the mirror and feeling just you, nothing else, with all your loneliness, sadness, fear (because it makes a lot of fear) offers a chance:
to discover you.
And then, Shan, perhaps can happen that Miracle – If you not only make space in your cupboard but also be able and willing to make space in your heart: there will be love.
No more loneliness.
I'd love to hear your voice – try to reach each other tonight, will you?
You are on my mind – Thanks for the pictures – there are some from me as a jungle-woman.
My duties are done, I have been successful, be available per telephone again. Home 0049-888443335 - but sometimes doesn't work -sleep well with dreams about a stabil woman ! Kiss – Beatrice
Verstehst Du mich, geliebter Mann? Meine Freude über Dich, auf das Wiedersehen mit Dir müsste Deine Seele in Zärtlichkeit einweben, die ich für Dich empfinde.
Shan
For you
Maybe part of the problem is that I censor myself too much. I have never had the types of escapism that you mention. I have a different escapism. I conciously decided to party and have drugs over Christmas and new year and now back to normal.
Braai/BBQ tonight and bought a 3kg Yellow Tail (bit like a small tuna).
You can see some of my travel photos when you come here. Last year in April and August I spent nearly 2 weeks, in total, near Heidelberg, Waiting for a flight to Thailand and then a flight to C Town.
Somehow I thought you lived near Munich?
Two managers are leaving in February, which is unfortunate. I must find another one soon.
Beatrice, I must go light the fire now, so I will leave you with a kiss. Shan
Und ich fühle ihn, Deinen Kuss,
Beatrice 20. Januar
Dear Shan, I feel very alive since hearing your voice yesterday night - so I finally didn't email with a phantom before *smile* Had a wonderful day today, riding the black mare ( I once bred) through the snowy white countryside. Sunshine everywhere.
After that I was swimming with a friend, then relaxing in a pool built in an open area, with warm and sprinkling hot water - you get the feeling to be in the middle of Chiemsee (a very famous lake in Bavaria), mountains around, snowy, sun was shining…great, lazy, happy day with *Good vibrations * Beatrice
Und eigentlich warst Du bei mir, Shan, neben mir, im Wasser, wo wir wie verspielte, zärtliche Delphine einander bestaunten und miteinander scherzten…Fühl einfach hin, was meine Liebe Dir – 9.872 km entfernt – in Dein Herz flüstert, Shan:
Beatrice
Dear Shan - I hope you feel better than this morning – one day sitting next to you I want you to tell me the story of your scares and wounds making you sad … It is one of this things I intuitively felt, that you are a sensible man – even you are sad sometimes, it makes being with you precious. A man that is encouraged enough to show his feelings is very special.
You are right: I've got lots of stress at present. Need an extension for my passport, a person was crashing my car in front and hiding, my computer broke down when I wanted to save the first 6 chapters from my Africa-Story, have a date with my lawyer too because of driving to fast ( ! ) need a date with my insurance-agent, but already fixed my last dates with psychology clients for next week and now have to find time (maybe 2-3 days) to spend with my friends in Austria (the pretty fair-haired woman you’ve seen at the photo and her husband.)
The story of "Saphira" I want to tell you personally – it's great. Would also need sport, but here around are no horses, skiing is to far away (about 80 km to drive one-way) , miss my dog for walking, perhaps dancing this week with a friend who is a Salsa trainer. Perhaps go for a swim two or three times until departure.
I've got a CD movie where you can see me dancing; I'm interested how you like my movement. (You know women are always a little bit proud of things they do well *smile*) So finally I had a bit too much "Gluwein" yesterday evening and today a hangover - know what I mean? Would love just to sleep in your arms tenderly hold by you, feeling you close…nothing else…Gentle Kiss to your sad soul. Beatrice
Und sandte ihm die gewünschten Bilder…vom Schnee, von Saphira, von mir ….Schnee in Bayern….Kälte-Winter-Impressionen….
Beatrice
Hey dear - I try to fulfill your desire as well as possible – so take some impressions.
Shan 18. Januar
Stress - Thanks so much for the sweet, tender e-mail you sent me. I was sad and feeling alone in the world because I had decided to stop the festive season partying and the partying is also partly escapism and so I felt the "weight" of the year ahead. And you not here. Thinking of you…missing you!
Wenn Du nur etwas von dem fühlen kannst, was ich empfinde, dann weißt Du einfach: I am with you so much in my mind, Shan .
Beatrice
You shouldn’t be without direction - think forward to the 30th of January and the good times we will create and enjoy! Love *Beatrice* (do you also feel like calling tonight?)
Shan
I will phone tomorrow. Got a lot done today. Tomorrow will go to play lawn bowls with backpackers near Clifton.
Beatrice
Hi Shan - would like to hear your voice but I am not available during this day – already on the road and busy.
Shan
Travel safe. Have a great day.
Shan
If you were
