DR JESSICA AYERS paused for a moment to secure the weighty oversized handbag slipping from her shoulder. She needed to gain some level of composure before she stepped from the thirty-six-seat twin-propeller plane that had just endured a somewhat bumpy landing at Armidale Airport. The landing, however, was the least of her concerns, since ‘bumpy’ was on a par with the rest of her life anyway.
Drawing a deep breath to fill her lungs, she attempted to quell the rising anxiety she always felt when she arrived in unfamiliar surroundings. Constantly moving to new places was by her own design, but it still unnerved her a little and gave her an overwhelming sense of déjà-vu. One that she feared would never end. Another town. Another short-lived new beginning. In six weeks she would move on again.
Her willingness to fill in for local paediatricians on leave across the country allowed Jessica to move regularly around Australia. There was never time to plant roots or get comfortable. And that was how she wanted it to be, because neither were in her plans. Not any more. The idea of long-term in any part of her life was gone. Badly hurt, and carrying a level of shame for loving the wrong man, Jessica had decided there was no such thing as a happily-ever-after for her. She was now a rolling stone. Gathering no moss and with no ties to anyone.
And falling in love again was definitely not going to happen. It only brought heartache. And Jessica didn’t want any part of that. Not ever again.
She doubted she was strong enough to survive another disappointment, unlike her best friend, Cassey, who seemed to rush back onto the online dating scene after each failed relationship. And there had been many. Jessica wasn’t sure if that had compounded her opinion about men and love but it didn’t matter. She was over it all. She knew for certain there was no good man in her future, only heartache waiting to happen if she travelled that road again.
Jessica was not an optimist like Cassey.
She glanced up into the overcast sky. It was close to five o’clock on a June afternoon, it was blowing a gale and the cloud-covered sun was beginning to bid farewell to the cold winter day. She held onto the rain-dampened handrail with her woollen glove and quickly realised that was not the best idea. Now her glove was wet. With a sigh, she took the seven steps down to the ground, collecting more droplets of water as she held on tightly. The wind pushed and pulled at her and she struggled to keep her steps in line as she slipped off one soggy and one dry glove and made her way over to the pile of small carry-ons assembled under the wing of the plane. Space restrictions in the tiny overhead lockers meant none of the bags had been allowed in the cabin. Jessica’s was easily recognisable from the pool of small black bags and quickly she reached down and wrapped her now bare and cold fingers around the handle of the compact silver hard case that matched her other luggage. She had always liked the things she could control in her life as it helped to have a sense of order. It was a trait passed down from her father, a military man. It was a pity that was not how she lived any more. Nothing much in her personal life bore much semblance to order.
She attempted to brush away the thick wisps of her hair blowing haphazardly across her face, almost obstructing her view as she walked across the windy tarmac. Still deep in thought, Jessica put one foot in front of the other as she fought hard not to be blown away by the fierce breeze that had made their landing jerky. Her jacket had blown open and the wind cut through her thin sweater as she avoided the puddles of water. Armidale’s chill was nothing like the muggy Sydney weather she had left behind.
Silently she questioned with each of her considered steps what she was doing. Not the last hour, taking the flight, nor last month, accepting another temporary Paediatric Consultant position, ironically covering the resident paediatrician’s honeymoon, at Armidale Regional Memorial Hospital. No, instead Jessica wondered what she was doing with her life. Her lips wilted at the corners the way they always did when she allowed disappointment in herself to creep back. But a moment’s pity was all she would allow. She couldn’t afford to fall in a heap because there was no one to pick her up.
She only had herself. Her parents had both passed. Her father had died when she was sixteen and her mother three years ago. As an only child, Jessica had no siblings to turn to now, only cousins and friends, but they were all either settling down and having families or travelling the world before they settled down, married and had a family. And Jessica didn’t even have a boyfriend, nor would she ever again. Marriage wasn’t in the stars for her. She’d thought it was, she had even wandered into wedding gown boutiques to gaze at the stunning white lace and satin creations hanging in rows and pictured which one she would wear when she walked down the aisle to Tom, the man of her dreams.
She had always imagined a flower girl and a pageboy and a stunning bridal bouquet of white roses and a quaint church with the setting sun shining softly through the stained-glass windows. And her groom waiting at the altar, where they would hold hands and make a commitment to love each other for the rest of their lives. But not any more because trust was the foundation of marriage and Jessica didn’t trust men. They lied, they made promises they couldn’t keep and they broke hearts, sometimes more than one at a time, with their actions.
Biting the inside of her cheek, Jessica dragged her bag into the small terminal. With no romantic dreams, she had to make the best of what she did have and that was a six-week placement in a hospital in the middle of country New South Wales. She’d not worked in a rural city or large country town, and Armidale had been referred to as both. She tugged hard on her bag to lift it over the slight step. It wasn’t a particularly heavy bag, as her shoes, clothes and other belongings were packed into her checked luggage; she was just taking out frustration on an inanimate object and potentially using more force than was logically required. Just as the wind outside had been doing to her. Jessica Ayers was being a little unnecessarily rough. It was that simple. She wasn’t as patient as she had once been with people, and definitely not with awkward carry-on-sized suitcases.
The weather outside had made her feel as if she had flown in on a broomstick but she knew she would settle in a day or two. She always did. Adapt to her new environment but not stay long enough to get close to anyone—that had been her modus operandi for close to a year. It was getting more difficult each time and Jessica had begun to admit to herself that she was growing tired of running. Now she was facing yet another new beginning that wouldn’t change a thing or bring
