did you get a load of the expression on his face? Hilarious.”
“Did he know I was joking?” I asked.
“Who knows? Tommy’s not too bright,” Aidan said.
I felt a little uneasy about the practical joke. But Aidan soon distracted me, regaling me with gossip about the people in the bar. To hear him tell it, half of them were degenerates, and the other half were fools. They were constantly beefing with each other, trashing each other’s cars, falling off the dock, and generally causing mischief. We drank and laughed like old friends. He fetched another round, and then another. (Somehow, the drinks kept vanishing.) And I … relaxed. I let go. He had this laid-back, adorable, stoner cowboy vibe about him. Like he didn’t take the world too seriously, so I shouldn’t either. God, did I need that right then. Meanwhile, the brother and his fellow cops were looking on, scandalized.
“Your brother and his friends are staring at us,” I said.
“He’s shocked a woman like you would be with me.”
“He thinks I’m with you?” I giggled. The vodka had gone to my head.
“Why you laughing?” Aidan said, looking almost hurt.
“Honey, I’m way too old for you.”
“What are you talking about? You’re hot as hell. Trust me, if I was gonna get with one woman in this bar tonight, it would be you. You blow everybody else away.”
The boy knew how to sweet-talk, and he was getting in my head. I looked around the bar and decided, Hell yeah, I am the best-looking woman in here tonight. If I was the woman in the bar he most wanted to sleep with, then he should have me, right? He’d made his choice, and I was flattered enough that I wanted to honor it. It made sense, in that crazy moment. The room was warm and pulsating with light. I was feeling no pain. Jason was somewhere in Brighton Beach, screwing his Russian whore, and I didn’t care, because I had Aidan to distract me. I wasn’t thinking about my declined credit cards, my empty bank accounts, the silent house awaiting me. I was flying, and I wanted it to last forever.
Time passed. I can’t count how many vodkas I drank. A bunch of people got up to leave, and Aidan went to settle their tabs. I followed him with my eyes as he worked the crowd. He had a lot of fans. The women in the bar lit up under his attention, poor saps. It never occurred to me that I was one of them.
I watched him taking people’s money, and it came rushing back for the umpteenth time that I had no money to pay my tab. Just then, Aidan returned, carrying two more drinks and an antipasti plate—which I couldn’t pay for.
“Something wrong? You look upset,” he said, his face full of sweet concern.
“I forgot my wallet.”
“No worries. I know you’re good for it. Here, eat something or I’ll have to carry you out of here.”
He smiled at me, then took a toothpick, speared an olive, and held it up for me to eat. And I ate out of his hand. In the bar. In front of people. What the hell was I thinking?
The din had died down. When Aidan’s brother called his name, the sound carried across the empty room. The cops were standing up to leave, waving money at Aidan. He went over to take it and shook hands all around. I drained what was left in my glass—vodka-flavored melted ice. My body felt loose; my face felt numb. My vision was doubled. Bands of light reflected off the mirror behind the bar and seemed to vibrate in the air. I knew I was drunk, and I didn’t give a shit. The booze held Jason at bay, at the edge of my consciousness where I could tolerate him. I got up and went to the bathroom and peed for a really long time. I thought about sticking my finger down my throat to get rid of the liquor but decided not to. My face in the bathroom mirror was puffy, and my eyes were too bright. I didn’t recognize myself, so I redid my lipstick as fast as I could and got the hell out of there.
When I got back to my seat, the bar was nearly empty, and people were talking about me.
“—your lady friend?” one of the cops said to Aidan.
“She’s waiting for me to close up shop,” Aidan said.
That made no sense, since I was not actually waiting for him. Well, I was waiting, in my own mind, but he’d be pretty full of himself to assume that. We had no understanding. It hadn’t remotely been discussed. For all he knew I was about to stiff him for a night’s worth of drinks and run out the door. But I didn’t say anything to contradict him in front of his brother.
I should’ve, probably. I realize that now.
I looked at my phone. It was almost midnight. How had that happened? Aidan wiped down the bar, took the money from the cash register and placed it in a light-colored fabric envelope. The people on either side of me had left. Aidan looked my way.
“You okay, Caroline?”
“I think so.”
“I have to give the till to my manager. I’ll be right back. Stay there. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I closed my eyes, letting the room spin around me. It seemed like he was gone for a long time.
“Hey. You okay?”
I opened my eyes to see that Aidan had returned. He was pulling on a beat-up leather bomber jacket. It must be time to go. I tried to stand, and nearly fell off the stool. Magically, he was behind me. He caught me as I tumbled. His arms were like iron around my waist.
“Whoa, easy there. Let me drive you home, sweetheart,” he said.
I thought, What the hell, I’ve got nothing to lose.
Wrong.
11
I lowered the window and let the cold night air blow on my face. Aidan was driving me home in my own car. He asked me once or twice if I was all right, and I managed a nod. Otherwise we didn’t speak. I was grateful for his silence, and for the comfort of his presence. I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone tonight in that big house that I’d built for my husband and me.
He pulled into the circular driveway and turned off the engine. Jumping out of the car, he came around and opened the door for me. Such a gentleman.
The distance from the Escalade’s passenger seat to the ground seemed impossible.
“Here,” he said, in a gentle tone, “put your hands on my shoulders.”
I stepped down, and his arms went around me.
“Okay?” he whispered, his lips against my hair.
“Yes.”
I leaned into him, my head swimming, savoring the feel of his long, hard body against mine. A vision flashed into my mind of us in bed together. Lying naked, our limbs intertwined, his hands running over my body. The thought of it took my breath away.
I leaned on Aidan’s arm as we walked up the front steps. At the door, he took my keys from my hands and inserted them in the lock, as I crumpled sideways, my face against his shoulder. He smelled like the ocean, mixed with the
