ran his fingers along the top of the photo frame. ‘They caught us by surprise. They turned nine a few months ago.’
‘What are their names?’
‘Beth and Eliza.’
His voice was soft and Ali could hear the love as he spoke his daughters’ names and her heart ached with loneliness and loss. But she couldn’t stop to dwell on her own feelings right now. She couldn’t afford to be swamped by disappointment. She suppressed those feelings; she’d deal with them another time. She was getting quite adept at that. She knew she needed to address the issue, she couldn’t just continue to ignore it, she knew that wasn’t healthy, but she didn’t have the strength to do anything else. Not yet. So she continued to talk, keeping the focus on Quinn.
‘Pretty names,’ she said. ‘Which one is which?’
Quinn smiled. ‘It’s hard to tell in a photograph unless you know them, but Beth is the extrovert, she’s usually the first one to talk and she’s just cut her hair. Or, more correctly, Eliza has just cut Beth’s hair. Beth said she was tired of people not being able to tell them apart so she convinced Liza to chop it off. Of course, then they had to go to the hairdresser to fix it and Beth now has a bob, I think they call it.’
She looked again at the photograph. Even though they were older than she’d expected, they were still far too young to be going through this nightmare. ‘How are they coping with everything that’s going on?’
‘Better than I am, I think.’ He sounded sad.
‘You probably know more about Julieanne’s condition than is good for you,’ she told him. ‘Sometimes ignorance is bliss.’
‘It’s not Julieanne I’m struggling with. It’s parenting.’
Ali frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I haven’t spent much time with the girls. I was still studying when they were born and then the army has kept me busy, then the divorce. Julieanne has been the constant in the girls’ lives so far and I’m on a pretty steep learning curve.’
‘You didn’t share custody?’
‘I couldn’t. The girls were here, I’ve been in Queensland or overseas.’
‘Peacekeeping missions?’ Ali knew that army medics would have to accompany soldiers on any mission.
‘Some.’
His answer was vague enough to arouse suspicion. ‘War zones?’
Her heart was racing at the thought of Quinn being in danger but he was grinning at her, his blue eyes sparkling as he replied. ‘That’s classified.’
‘What, you could tell me but then you’d have to silence me?’ She found herself smiling in return.
‘Something like that,’ he teased. ‘Let’s just say I’d much rather be here.’
Did he mean in Australia or right here, with her? Ali’s mind was turning in circles, trying to decipher what his smile, his dancing azure eyes and his words all meant.
He laughed. ‘I can’t believe I’ve been thinking about you and you’ve been under my nose all this time.’
He’d been thinking about her. ‘What do you mean, “all this time”?’
‘The night we met, at the bar,’ he explained, ‘the phone call I got was from my mother-in-law, telling me about Julieanne. I had intended to come back to you, I wanted to come back, but everything else took a back seat. I flew out the next morning, straight down here.’
‘So that’s why you didn’t give your keynote address.’
Quinn nodded.
‘You’ve been here since June?’ Ali asked.
‘I’ve been up and back to Brisbane a few times but I’ve been here for a few weeks now.’
She thought back to all those fleeting glimpses, all those moments when she’d thought she’d caught sight of him. Perhaps it hadn’t been her fanciful imagination. She couldn’t believe he’d been here all that time. Not that it would have made any difference had she known. Despite his intentions, she was sure his priorities would have been elsewhere.
‘If I’d known you were here I would have searched for you,’ he said.
‘Why?’
‘Because I find your presence cathartic.’ He smiled at her and Ali’s insides all but melted.
‘Is that a good thing?’
‘You make me feel calm and I need that right now. I needed it when we met but for other reasons. You make me forget about all the unpleasantness, the stress. I feel as though I can breathe properly when I’m with you.’
That was ironic, Ali thought, considering that when he was near her she almost forgot how to breathe. When he looked at her with his brilliant blue eyes it made her breath catch in her throat, made her feel light-headed and excited, as though the world was full of possibilities. She could get lost in his eyes. They shimmered like pools of clear blue water that tempted her to dive in and never resurface.
‘I’m glad I’m here,’ he repeated, and this time his meaning was clear.
He was perched on the edge of the desk, watching her mouth. Was he waiting for her to speak? Her gaze travelled from his eyes to his mouth. He was almost close enough to kiss. If she dipped her head their lips would meet.
Her breath caught in her throat and her lips parted as she struggled for air. She could imagine losing herself in his eyes, losing herself in his lips. She was glad he was here too and she quite liked the idea of escaping from reality for a while. Of losing herself in Quinn. But now wasn’t the time.
Ali stepped back, away from temptation, and changed the subject.
‘Why didn’t you quit the army and follow your family? You could get work anywhere.’
‘It’s more complicated than that. The army paid for med school, I can’t just quit. There’s a thing called return of service,’ he explained. ‘I have to repay them in time for every year of study they supported me for plus one year. It was that or buy out my service and I couldn’t afford that. I’ve got four months left.’
‘What are you going to do then?’
‘I don’t know.’
Ali had hoped he’d say he was planning on staying here but she knew it would depend on other factors. Julieanne’s condition would be the decider and no one was in control of that.
She took one last look at his mouth. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t take the chance. She wasn’t brave or courageous, certainly not enough to get involved in something that was complicated, potentially messy and tragic. She wasn’t strong enough for both of them.
Fate had brought them together again, even if she didn’t want to believe it, but circumstances would keep them apart no matter how much she wished things were
