door. He didn’t want to pause in this big room. It held too many sad memories because it was where his daed had been waked years ago.
Not wanting to linger, he steered his mamm out on the porch. He assisted her to one of the rocking chairs before he sat on the porch swing. It squeaked as it moved beneath him. He’d try to remember to oil it before he headed home in the morning to his place about a mile down the road.
“Is Isaiah asleep already?” he asked. “When I was coming in, I saw the light go out in the room where he used to sleep upstairs.”
“I doubt he’s asleep, though it would be the best thing for him. You remember how difficult it is to sleep after...” She glanced toward the barn.
His other brothers should be returning to the house soon, but he guessed Mamm was thinking of the many times she’d watched Daed cross the grass between the barn and the house. Exactly as he’d looked out the window as if Matilda would come in with a basket of laundry or fresh carrots and peas from her garden. Now he struggled to keep up with the wash and the garden had more weeds than vegetables.
Mamm sighed. “What are you going to do, Joshua?”
“Do?”
“You need to find someone to watch Levi and Deborah during the day while you’re at the shop.”
It was his turn to sigh into his sweaty glass. “I’m not sure. The kinder loved spending time with Rose, and it’s going to be hard for them to realize she won’t be watching them again.”
“Those who have gone before us keep an eye on us always.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “But as far as the kinder, I can—”
He shook his head. “No, you can’t have them come here. Not while you’ve got a broken arm. And don’t suggest Esther. She’ll be doubly busy taking care of the house while you’re healing. The doctor said it would take at least six weeks for your bones to knit, and I can’t have the kinder at the shop for that long.”
Levi and Deborah would want to help. As Esther had said to Mamm, such assistance made every job take twice as long as necessary. In addition, he couldn’t work beneath a buggy, making a repair or putting it together, and keep an eye on them. Many of the tools at the buggy shop were dangerous if mishandled.
“There is an easy solution, Joshua.”
“What?”
“Get yourself a wife.”
His eyes were caught by the flash of lightning from beyond the tree line along the creek. The stars were vanishing, one after another, as clouds rose high in the night sky. Thunder was muted by the distance, but it rolled across the hills like buggy wheels on a rough road. A stronger storm than the one that morning would break the humidity and bring in fresher air.
Looking back at his mamm, he forced a smile. “Get a wife like that?” He snapped his fingers. “And my problems are solved?”
“Matilda died four years ago.” Her voice was gentle, and he guessed the subject was as hard for her to speak about as it was for him to listen to. “Your kinder have been without a mamm, and you’ve been without a wife. Don’t you want more kinder and the company of a woman in your home?”
Again he was saved from having to answer right away by another bolt of lightning cutting through the sky. “Looks like the storm is coming fast.”
“Not as fast as you’re changing the subject to avoid answering me.”
He never could fool Mamm, and he usually didn’t try. On the other hand, she hadn’t been trying to match him with some woman before now.
“All right, Mamm. I’ll answer your question. When the time is right, I may remarry again. The time hasn’t been right, because I haven’t found the right woman.” He drained his lemonade and set the glass beside him. “From your expression, however, I assume you have someone specific in mind.”
“Ja. I have been thinking about one special person, and seeing you with Rebekah Burkholder today confirmed it for me. She needs a husband.”
“Rebekah?” He couldn’t hide his shock as Mamm spoke of the woman who had remained on his mind since he’d left the cemetery.
“Ja, Rebekah. With a young son and a boppli coming soon, she can’t handle Lloyd’s farm on her own. She needs to marry before she has to sell out and has no place to go.” Mamm shifted, then winced as she readjusted her broken arm. “You know her well, Joshua. She is the widow of your best friend.”
That was true. Lloyd Burkholder had been his best friend. When Joshua had married Matilda, Lloyd had served as one of his Newehockers, the two male and two female attendants who sat beside the bride and groom throughout their wedding day. It was an honor to be asked, and Lloyd had been thrilled to accept.
“Rebekah is almost ten years younger than I am, Mamm.”
“Lloyd was your age.”
“And she is barely ten years older than Timothy.”
“True. That might have made a difference years ago, but now you are adults with kinder. And you need a wife.”
“I don’t need a wife right now. I need someone to watch the kinder.” He held up his hand. “And Rebekah lives too far away for me to ask her to do that.”
“What about the housework? The laundry? The cooking? Rose did much of those chores for you, and you eat your other meals here. Deborah can do some of the work, but not all of it. With Esther having to do my chores as well as her own around the house and preparations for the end of the school year, she would appreciate having fewer people at the table each night.”
“Mamm, I doubt that,” he replied with a laugh, though he knew his sister worked hard at their local school.
His mamm wagged a finger at him. “True, true. Esther would gladly feed anyone who showed up every night.” As quickly as she’d smiled, she became serious again. “But it’s also true Rebekah Burkholder needs a husband. That poor woman can’t manage on her own.”
He didn’t want to admit his own thoughts had gone in that direction, too, and how guilty he felt that he’d turned his back on her.
His face must have betrayed his thoughts because Mamm asked, “Will you at least think of it?”
“Ja.”
What else could he say? Rebekah likely had no interest in remarrying so quickly after Lloyd’s death, but if she didn’t take another husband, she could lose Lloyd’s legacy to her and his kinder. The idea twisted in Joshua’s gut.
It was time for him to decide exactly what he was willing to do to help his best friend’s widow.
Even as Joshua was turning his buggy onto the lane leading to the Burkholders’ farm the next morning, he fought his own yearning to turn around and leave at the buggy’s top speed. He hadn’t slept last night, tossing and turning and seeking God’s guidance while the loud thunderstorm had banished the humidity.
