me and feel the comforting warmth of the thick tapestry covering the rear wall. I inch along, my dark dress almost invisible in the shadows of the room.
‘I saw her when that painter was here,’ he says, his voice thick. ‘Preening in her vanity, setting herself out. Laced … laced … tight. Her breasts … on show … trying to appear desirable. She is capable of sin, Mother. She is disposed to … She is disposed to … Her temperament is naturally filled with …’ He cannot say it.
‘No, no,’ Mother says gently. ‘She only wants to be a credit to us.’
‘… Lust.’
The word has become detached, it drops into the silence of the room as if it might belong to anybody, as if it might belong to my brother and not to me.
I am at the doorway now, my hand gently lifting the latch, my other finger muffling its click. Three of the women of the court casually rise and stand before me to mask my retreat from the two at the fireside. The door swings open on oiled hinges and makes no sound. The cold draught makes the candles at the fireside bob, but my brother and my mother are facing each other, rapt in the horror of that word, and do not turn around.
‘Are you sure?’ I hear her ask him.
I close the door before I hear him reply, and I go quickly and quietly to our chamber where the maids are sitting up by the fireside with my sister and playing cards. They scramble them off the table when I tear open the door and stride in, and then they laugh when they see it is me in their relief that they have not been caught out gambling: a forbidden pleasure for spinsters in my brother’s lands.
‘I’m going to bed, I have a headache, I’m not to be disturbed,’ I announce abruptly.
Amelia nods. ‘You can try,’ she says knowingly. ‘What have you done now?’
‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘As always, nothing.’
I go through quickly to our privy chamber and fling my clothes into the chest at the foot of the bed and jump into bed in my shift, drawing the curtains around the bed, pulling the covers up. I shiver in the coldness of the linen, and wait for the order that I know will come.
In only a few moments, Amelia opens the door. ‘You’re to go to Mother’s rooms,’ she says triumphantly.
‘Tell her I’m ill. You should have said I’ve gone to bed.’
‘I told her. She said you have to get up and put on a cloak and go. What have you done now?’
I scowl at her bright face. ‘Nothing.’ I rise unwillingly from the bed. ‘Nothing. As always, I have done nothing.’ I pull my cloak from the hook behind the door and tie the ribbons from chin to knee.
‘Did you answer him back?’ Amelia demands gleefully. ‘Why do you always argue with him?’
I go out without replying, through the silenced chamber and down the steps to my mother’s rooms in the same tower on the floor below us.
At first it looks as if she is alone, but then I see the half-closed door to her privy chamber and I don’t need to hear him, and I don’t need to see him. I just know that he is there, watching.
She has her back to me at first, and when she turns I see she has the birch stick in her hand and her face is stern.
‘I have done nothing,’ I say at once.
She sighs irritably. ‘Child, is that any way to come into a room?’
I lower my head. ‘My lady mother,’ I say quietly.
‘I am displeased with you,’ she says.
I look up. ‘I am sorry for that. How have I offended?’
‘You have been called to a holy duty, you must lead your husband to the reformed church.’
I nod.
‘You have been called to a position of great honour and great dignity, and you must forge your behaviour to deserve it.’
Inarguable. I lower my head again.
‘You have an unruly spirit,’ she goes on.
True indeed.
‘You lack the proper traits of a woman: submission, obedience, love of duty.’
True again.
‘And I fear that you have a wanton streak in you,’ she says, very low.
‘Mother, that I have not,’ I say as quietly as her. ‘That is not true.’
‘You do. The King of England will not tolerate a wanton wife. The Queen of England must be a woman without a stain on her character. She must be above reproach.’
‘My lady mother, I …’
‘Anne, think of this!’ she says, and for once I hear a real ring of earnestness in her voice. ‘Think of this! He had the Lady Anne Boleyn executed for infidelity, accusing her of sin with half the court, her own brother among her lovers. He made her queen and then he unmade her again with no cause or evidence but his own will. He accused her of incest, witchcraft, crimes most foul. He is a man most anxious for his reputation, madly anxious. The next Queen of England must never be doubted. We cannot guarantee your safety if there is one word said against you!’
‘My lady …’
‘Kiss the rod,’ she says before I can argue.
I touch my lips to the stick as she holds it out to me. Behind her privy chamber door I can hear him slightly, very slightly, sigh.
‘Hold the seat of the chair,’ she orders.
I bend over and grip both sides of the chair. Delicately, like a lady lifting a handkerchief, she takes the hem of my cloak and raises it over my hips and then my night shift. My buttocks are naked, if my brother chooses to look through the half-open door he can see me, displayed like a girl in a bawdy house. There is a whistle of the rod through the air and then the sudden whiplash of pain across my thighs. I cry out, and then bite my lip. I am desperate to know how many cuts I will have to take. I grit my teeth together and wait for the next. The hiss through the air and then the slice of pain, like a sword-cut in a dishonourable duel. Two. The sound of the next comes too fast for me to make ready, and I cry out again, my tears suddenly coming hot and fast like blood.
‘Stand up, Anne,’ she says coolly, and pulls down my shift and my cloak.
The tears are pouring down my face, I can hear myself sobbing like a child.
‘Go to your room and read the Bible,’ she says. ‘Think especially on your royal calling. Caesar’s wife, Anne. Caesar’s wife.’
I have to curtsey to her. The awkward movement causes a wave of new pain and I whimper like a whipped puppy. I go to the door and open it. The wind blows the door from my hand and, in the gust, the inner door to her privy chamber flies open without warning. In the shadow stands my brother, his face strained as if it were him beneath the whip of the birch, his lips pressed tightly together as if to stop himself from calling out. For one awful
