to hell for saving him. Not something he liked to think about.
“You gonna say hello anytime soon?” Kevin asked with a tilted grin.
“Yeah. Sure.” Jack crossed the room, held out one hand and looked down at his friend. “Good to see you, Kev.”
After shaking hands, Jack sat on the couch beside Rita and asked, “So what brings you here?”
“Cut right to the chase, no bull,” Kevin said, smiling even wider. “Haven’t changed much, Sarge.”
For a second, Jack felt a twinge. He’d been in the military for so long that becoming a civilian again had been a stretch. Now he wasn’t sure where the hell he belonged. Then he felt Rita’s hand sneak into his and though he told himself not to accept the comfort she was offering, his fingers linked through hers and locked them together.
Guilt pinged around the center of his chest like a Ping-Pong ball on steroids. Here he sat. Beautiful, pregnant wife. Elegant penthouse. Successful business. His life hadn’t been shattered. He’d simply stepped back into it and though it hadn’t been an easy adjustment, it had been nothing compared to what Kevin had no doubt gone through. Jack’s tours of duty hadn’t cost him what they had Kevin. And he couldn’t make himself be okay with that.
His back teeth ground together and he fought against the rising tide of regret within. This was why he hadn’t answered Kevin’s email. Hell, why he hadn’t even opened it. His memories were thick and rich enough that he didn’t need a reminder—being with Kevin in person—to make them even more so. And hell, what could he say to the man? Kevin had lost his legs. Jack had come home whole, if changed. How was that fair?
How could he look into the man’s eyes, knowing that it was he who had been leading that squad? It was Jack’s decisions that had eventually brought about what had happened to Kevin. If they’d zigged instead of zagged, what might have changed? A man could drive himself crazy with thoughts like that.
How could Kevin not still blame him?
Jack had spent months trying to get past the memories of that one fateful day and hadn’t been able to do it. How much more difficult was it for Kevin to try to move past it when every day he was faced with a physical reminder of his own limitations?
“Jack,” Kevin said quietly, as if he knew exactly what his friend was thinking, feeling, remembering. “You don’t have to do this. Don’t have to feel bad for me. I’m fine. Really.”
Now, looking into his old friend’s eyes, Jack couldn’t find any blame there, any anger. And that alone surprised him enough that he couldn’t get his head straight.
Jack felt Rita give his hand a squeeze and he appreciated it. “I can see that. I’m glad for it.”
“Now all you have to do is accept it.” His friend nodded, kept his eyes fixed on Jack’s. “Took me a long time, I admit it. For weeks after it happened, I’d wake up and try to swing my legs out of bed.” A rueful smile curved his mouth. “Could have sworn I felt them there.”
“Kevin—”
“I didn’t come here to make things harder for you, Jack.”
“Why are you here, then?” He managed to get the question out even though he was worried about the answer.
“To see you, you damn fool,” Kevin said, leaning back in his chair, shaking his head. “You never answered the email I sent you two months ago. Hell, you never even opened it.”
“Yeah.” Jack nodded. “Sorry about that. I just—”
“I get it,” Kevin said. “You still should have read it, though. Would have saved me a drive up from San Diego.”
Jack smiled at that. He and Kevin had formed a friendship at first because they were both from Southern California. Just a couple hours away from each other by freeway, so they’d had a lot of the same experiences. They’d formed a tighter bond, of course, as all military in combat did, but it had begun on the California connection.
“So,” Kevin was saying, waving one hand at the chair and his missing legs, “a lot of things have changed. Obviously.”
Jack watched his friend, looking for some sign of anger or bitterness or blame and couldn’t find any. Instead, he looked...comfortable in his skin. In that chair.
“But, hey,” Kevin added, smiling at Rita. “Looks like you’ve had some pretty big changes, too. You’re married now, having a baby.”
Jack glanced at Rita, and when she smiled at him, he felt that tug of guilt again. Kevin couldn’t know that this was a temporary arrangement. And there was no way Jack would let him know. He forced himself to look back to Kevin. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I’m better than okay.” Kevin shook his head and gave Jack a wry smile. “If you’d bothered to open the damn email I sent you like two months ago, you would have known that.”
Jack ran his free hand across his jaw. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have. I just didn’t want to go over what happened again.”
“Hey,” Kevin said softly, “neither do I. Look, Jack, last time I saw you, things were a little...tense.”
Jack laughed shortly and held on a little more tightly to Rita’s hand. “You could say that.”
“Why don’t I go make some coffee?” Rita looked at both men. “I’ll give you guys some time to talk.”
“Not necessary,” Kevin told her. “I can’t stay long, anyway, so don’t go to any trouble for me.”
“Stay, Rita,” Jack said, looking into her eyes. He wanted her there. It surprised him to acknowledge just how much he wanted her beside him. Seeing Kevin again, watching him maneuver that wheelchair, tore at Jack and damned if he didn’t want the connection to Rita to help him get through it.
When the hell had that happened? When had he started counting on her?
“If you’re worried I’m here to cuss you out again for saving my butt, don’t be.” Kevin moved the chair in closer and linked his gaze to Jack’s. “I remember it all, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.” So did he. Every damn night, he remembered it. He always would.
Kevin smiled, nodded. “’Course you do. Hard to forget something like that—you doing your best to save me while I’m telling you to shoot me.”
“Kevin—”
“Nah, man,” he said, holding up one hand to keep Jack quiet. “I’m not here to go over it all again.” He grinned. “Once was enough, trust me. I just wanted to say thank you.”
“What?” Confused now, Jack just stared at him.
“Well, that surprised you,” Kevin said wryly. “Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for saving me even when I was too stupid to want to be saved.” He blew out a breath, dragged his fingers through his hair. “I swear, being furious at you got me through those first few days.”
Jack nodded, took a breath and held it.
“But
