no excuse for not giving Ella and Holly one day of brightness amid all that upheaval. My mother and sister tried to talk me into spending the holidays with them in Brisbane. But Brisbane was the last place I wanted to be, especially knowing that Fran was so close and yet didn’t want to see her own daughters.’
He shook his head. He didn’t say anything more … not that he needed to.
‘I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. If it helps any, you’re giving not only Ella and Holly the kind of Christmas dreams are made of, but your mother, sister and nephews as well.’
He sent her a sidelong glance. ‘And yet the one thing I can’t seem to give them is a nanny brimming over with the joy of the season.’
The criticism stung. She thought she’d been doing fine and dandy on the Christmas front.
‘Considering the way I behaved last year, I realise I’m the last person who should be criticizing someone else’s Christmas spirit.’
But it wasn’t going to stop him from finding fault with her, right? ‘So you’re a pot and I’m the kettle?’
He turned to her. ‘Why are you spending Christmas at Waminda Downs instead of in the bosom of your family or with your friends—with the people you love?’
It was the sheer gentleness of his voice that was her undoing, an inherent understanding that she was dealing with a hell of her own.
She opened her mouth and he leant forward to press a finger to her lips. ‘No nonsense about wanting to experience the majesty of the Outback or searching for adventure or anything else I could get from a travel brochure. At least give me that much respect.’
To her horror, tears filled her eyes. This man had just shared the breakdown of his marriage with her so she could understand why Christmas meant so much to him this year. The least she could do was explain why Christmas was low on her personal landscape.
She swallowed and nodded. He removed his hand and leant back again.
She didn’t speak until she was sure she had her voice back under control. ‘I’m not spending this Christmas in the bosom of my family because there’s only my mother and my aunt, and my mother’s bosom isn’t very … um … warm.’
‘I’m sorry.’
She shrugged. ‘We come from money but the one thing my mother couldn’t buy was the daughter she’d always wanted.’ She blew out a breath and tried to smile. ‘I’m afraid I’ve been a sore disappointment to her. I was never the blonde, svelte ballerina type she’d have liked to see blossom into a society princess who loved fashion and charity lunches.’ Her lips twisted. ‘Oh, and the shock and horror of it all when I decided to earn my own living. Why on earth did I have to choose something as unglamorous as teaching? Couldn’t I at least have had the consideration to study Law or Medicine? At least she’d have been able to brag about those.’
He rested his elbows on his knees. ‘Is she blind?’ he demanded.
‘No, she just sees the world through her own eyes and can’t comprehend anyone else’s view of it.’ She laughed. ‘Nicola Ann, you’re twenty-seven and too old to be gallivanting around the countryside as a nanny looking after someone else’s children. Think of all that dust and heat … and the flies! What on earth will I tell my friends?’
‘She said that?’
‘Verbatim.’ She glanced down at her hands. ‘Christmas lunch with my mother and aunt is an ordeal. They spend at least an hour picking over my myriad flaws and the perceived mistakes I’ve made for the year. Given my start in life and all … Yadda yadda yadda. You get the picture.’
‘I do.’ His voice was grim.
‘And this year I just couldn’t face it. Normally I only survive that lunch with my mother because of the promise of a rollicking good party with my friends in the evening—my Christmas highlight.’
‘And that’s not happening this year?’
Oh, it was happening all right. She just wouldn’t be a part of it.
‘Nicola?’
She hadn’t meant to reveal her troubles to anyone while she was here at Waminda Downs. She’d promised herself that she was through with being an object of pity. And she was. ‘I don’t want this going any further. I don’t want you telling your family or Harry or Jack or anyone about this.’
‘That always went without saying. But you have my word of honour.’
Even now she knew she could pull back—plead a headache and retire to her room. Flee to her room. But she suddenly found she didn’t want to. She wanted to lance some of the poison that blackened her thoughts until she could taste the bitterness in her mouth. She wanted to hurl it into the darkness where the night could swallow it and hopefully destroy it.
She pulled in a breath that made her whole frame shake. ‘Right now I should be in the middle of wedding preparations. My wedding preparations.’
His head snapped back. ‘You’re engaged?’
‘Was. Past tense.’
‘Hell, I’m sorry. I …’
He trailed off like so many of her friends had when they’d heard the news.
‘He dumped me for another woman and, yes, before you say it, I agree it’s better to have found that out now than after we were married.’
‘It’s still a tough blow and a lot to deal with, but …’
She glanced up. ‘Yes?’
‘I’d have thought being with your friends at a time like this would’ve been the best thing. You could’ve blown your mother off with some excuse or other.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I mean, I can just imagine her comments on a broken engagement, but having the support and understanding of your friends would’ve been invaluable, wouldn’t it?’
She laughed and the bitterness of it cut deep into her. ‘I’m sorry I left out one tiny detail. My fiancé dumped me for my best friend.’
NICOLA couldn’t look at Cade after she’d uttered those words. His shocked intake of breath told her all she needed to know.
Along with the silence.
She hated that kind of silence. She’d dealt with too much of it these past three months. ‘We’re all still friends. Brad and Diane didn’t mean for it to happen. They didn’t mean to hurt me.’
‘How very adult of you,’ he ground out wryly.
She grimaced. He was right. She sounded like a B-grade actor in some corny nineteen-eighties telemovie.
When she glanced at him she recognised the flare of anger in his eyes and she knew it was directed at Brad
