the sounds from her voice so alien, so unfamiliar.
“Frankie, oh, my God, Frankie!”
My blood turned to ice in my veins as Sarah kept screaming.
And then I heard our next-door neighbors’ screen door slam open.
I lurched, bending over as my stomach heaved, and I vomited on the beach, the hot tears streaming down my face.
I told you not to look. Lucy’s voice was angry, harsh.
How could you keep this from me? I wailed in my mind, the sound echoing against the walls of my skull. I took a couple of steps, then fell to my knees, my stomach still twisting, although there was nothing left to bring up.
That’s my job, Maisey. To protect you.
I braced my hands on the sand, clenching my fingers and making little furrows, gasping for breath. Cold sweat broke out on my brow, and my chest rose and fell as I tried to catch my breath. I shook my head.
Not this. I killed my brother! The realization was like a knife to my gut, a bullet to my brain. Cold. Hot. Pain. Remorse. I was bombarded from all directions. How could I do that?
How could you not? Lucy queried.
I coughed, still feeling the burn of stomach acid in my throat, and I blinked. Darkness was edging my consciousness. Lucy was stepping in.
Oh, God. Not again.
“Maisey? Hey, are you all right?”
Lucy froze. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, and blinked, then hastily brushed the tears off my cheeks before turning to look up at Caleb. God, how humiliating. He glanced up and down the beach.
“I was out for a walk when I saw you here on the beach,” he informed me. His momentary distraction gave me enough time to take a deep breath and try and regain some of my composure. I hadn’t expected to see him here. Hadn’t expected to see anyone here, or anyone to see me feed the fish with a very inelegant puke session. God, I needed Lucy. S.T.A.T. Sitting here on my weak and shaky knees, next to a puddle of bile... What would Lucy do? I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, and let Lucy step in.
I tilted my head back, and Lucy chuckled with just the right amount of regret and derision. “It looks like I may have eaten a bad prawn last night. Or oyster.” Sarah and Warwick had put on a seafood feast last night that would have fed that little Thai village. Lucy grimaced good-naturedly, and I rose to my feet, ignoring the tremors and locking my knees to prevent me from falling down again. I brushed my hair back from my sweaty forehead, pushing it behind my ears and bringing it back to a semblance of control.
Caleb smiled with sympathy and passed me a bottle of water. “Oh, thanks,” Lucy responded warmly, and took a swig. I rolled it around in my mouth, trying to swish out any remaining bile, and then I leaned over and spat it out.
“Oh, wow, that’s so classy. Sorry, I probably look like shit.” Lucy chuckled, low and throaty.
Caleb shook his head. “Nah, Maisey, you look great—as always.”
Unbidden, a secret, adolescent thrill coursed through me, and Lucy laughed, head back, eyes sparkling and flirty. Despite the horror of my memories, despite the sickness I felt inside, I was able to brush that aside, with Lucy’s help, and surrender to this interlude with Caleb, my life preserver, the salvation of my sanity.
We walked in silence for a moment, our shoes making that soft squeaky sound on the wet sand. Calm washed over me, a soothing balm to my terror of a moment ago, and I let the rise and breach of the waves, the gentle breeze curling around us, the soft colors of a stunning sunrise, soothe my heart, my soul, my mind, and I let the seed of contentment flourish in me. Lucy stepped back. Leaving me with Caleb.
Caleb shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “I miss you guys, you know?” His voice was low, husky. “Life just wasn’t the same after I left. The army—the army was so different,” he commented, and gave a chuckle, but his smile held a tinge of regret. “I really wish I hadn’t lost touch with you and Sarah.”
I nodded. “We missed you, too. When you were home...” I paused, then took a deep breath. “When you were home, those times were so good. I only have the fondest memories. It was special,” I admitted. “My favorite memories, really.” I smiled, although it felt a little wobbly, so I had to call on Lucy for help to keep me strong.
Don’t let me lose it.
Don’t worry. I’ve got you.
I still wanted to talk with Caleb, though, still wanted to be as real as I could allow myself to be, with anyone. Caleb knew me. Trust, unfamiliar, nearly forgotten, unfurled in me like a flower opening to the warm glow of the sun.
“So, tell me, what are you doing now?” I gestured to his leg.
He grimaced. “I’m slowly getting there. I was commissioned out of the army with this injury, so now I work in IT.”
“Computers?” I asked, impressed. “Wow. Smart guy. What exactly do you do?”
Caleb smiled. “I design and manage a number of websites for clients. Systems integration, that sort of stuff.” He shrugged. “It pays well enough.”
I glanced at the sand. “You bought Mom a house.”
He grinned. “There’s plenty of room if you ever want to visit.”
God. Lucy and I were both warring over feeling excited by the invitation, or horrified.
“Seriously, think about it. Do you have to rush off after Elliot’s christening? Why don’t you come visit for a while?” He leaned forward. “I promise to run interference between you and your mom if you need it.”
I hesitated.
Don’t do it, Lucy warned.
But it’s Caleb.
And your mother.
But it’s Caleb, I repeated. He knows me. And he’s dangling this carrot of a homecoming in front of me. My memories of Caleb are all positive. The one guy I could be completely honest with.
“When Mom went to prison, and you finished school and moved back home...” I shook my head. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t completely ready to trust him with what was going on inside my head. It was hard to do that, to let someone in after all these years of closing everyone out.
How do you think he’d feel about me?
Shut up, Lucy.
Or about what you did to Frankie.
I shook my head, then saw Caleb was watching me curiously. I ignored Lucy’s muttering in the background, and focused on Caleb. “It meant so much, being able to talk to you, to know there was someone there who had my back. You have no idea how important that was,” I said quietly.
What am I, chopped liver? I shook my head, pushing Lucy to the back of my mind.
“You know, it was the simple things that made such a huge difference.”
Caleb
