what I can do to yours. As a human being I tend to fall short.”
She frowned, matching his. “I’ve yet to see evidence of that.”
He said nothing, rather he continued over to the table, so she followed him. She was irritated with him. It had been a while since he was irritating. Or perhaps, she had simply been insulated by the good things he made her feel. That was entirely possible. He did make her feel some very good things.
She took a seat beside Andres, with Tabitha on her other side. The queen was very quiet, and very purposefully not looking at her husband. Zara had to wonder again if this was her fate, inescapably. It was this relationship, so clearly strained, that had made her nervous at the last meal they’d shared. She had been so convinced recently that she and Andres had something entirely different, but then, there were these moments when he would shut down on her completely, and she wasn’t entirely sure after that.
As with everything else at the party, the meal was lovely. Zara mainly listened to people talk about topics she wasn’t very informed on. Andres seemed to be doing the same. Zara turned to Tabitha. “Did you enjoy dinner?” Probably a silly question to ask the queen, who very likely had planned the menu. But she was hopeless at talking to women. She had not had very many friends in her life, Andres was the closest thing, and he wasn’t a woman. Far from it.
Zara found that she very much wanted to make Tabitha a friend. Another thing that was within her reach, thanks to this arrangement.
“Yes,” Tabitha said, seemingly unruffled by Zara’s clumsy attempt at conversation.
“Everything is lovely.” She knew she sounded stilted, but she was trying. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve celebrated Christmas. Since I’ve seen Christmas decorations, and never anything like this. I love Christmas.” She hadn’t let herself remember how much, because it was only painful. Something else to add to the sad, empty ache. Another thing she missed that she couldn’t have back.
“Do you?” Tabitha tilted her head to the side, the words brittle.
“Yes. Doesn’t everyone?”
“I find it quite stressful, I confess.”
Zara noticed Tabitha sneak a quick glance at Kairos.
“A lot of planning. A lot of smiling.”
Tabitha wasn’t doing a very good job of smiling at the moment.
“I can see how it might be. I’m used to... Well, people don’t usually pay so much attention to me.”
“You don’t find it daunting?”
“Not when I’m with him,” Zara said, a blush rising in her cheeks.
Tabitha arched her eyebrows. “Andres?”
“Yes. He’s at ease in every situation. I can’t help being at ease too.”
“So things are...going well between the two of you?”
If Zara wasn’t mistaken, there was a slight edge to Tabitha’s voice now.
“Yes.” Zara shifted uncomfortably. “He’s been very good to me. He cares for me—”
“I see,” Tabitha said, clipped.
Andres chose that moment to lean over and whisper in her ear, “Zara, it looks like the dance floor is beginning to fill. Would you like to join me for a dance?”
“Yes,” she said, grateful for the chance to escape. She had done something wrong. She supposed she shouldn’t be too surprised. She had no experience with any of this. She was moving through it all blindly, having faith that it would work out because she was enjoying herself. Because she was happy. But of course Tabitha had friends. She was secure in her place. Just because Zara desperately wanted the connection didn’t mean that Tabitha did.
Oh, all of this was so complicated.
She accepted Andres’s hand and led the charge to the dance floor, eager to escape her embarrassment.
Once they were out in the center, she buried her head in his chest as he wrapped his arm around her waist and took hold of her hand, holding her close to his body. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Oh, I think I made a mess of things with Tabitha.”
“Tabitha is difficult to connect with sometimes. She’s quite controlled.”
“She wasn’t so much in this instance. I think it upset her that our relationship is going so well.”
He frowned, and her stomach twisted. She felt as though she’d said something wrong again. What if he didn’t think their relationship was going well?
There were so many uncertainties in all this. Insecurity had never been something she’d had to contend with before. She had been lonely back with the clan, but she had known exactly where she stood. Everyone had positive feelings about her; it was just that a protocol dictated they keep their distance. There was no wondering. People said what they meant; they didn’t play guessing games. With their mouths saying one thing and their eyes clearly communicating another.
“I think she is in a difficult position with Kairos at the moment.”
Zara was relieved to hear that, and she realized that a knot of tension had formed in her stomach that she had scarcely been aware of until it began to loosen. She hadn’t imagined that Andres had anything going on with Tabitha, not really, but she had been worried about it somewhere in the back of her mind until he’d said that. Love was making her slightly crazy. Especially with all the things that were unsaid. That was just how people seemed to do things here. That was how this family seems to do things.
She didn’t understand it.
She would have to, though. She would have to figure all this out somehow. Because she might need only Andres, but he came with a host of issues she would have to negotiate. Loving him meant navigating all this, and so she would. She had not survived a siege on her palace, loss and loneliness, to come out the other side weak and frightened. She had strengths. And she would use them here.
When necessary. Right at this moment, she didn’t need them. Being in his arms didn’t require strength. When she was in his arms, she was able to lean on him. A beautiful thing, since she had never been able to do that growing up. There had been no one for her to lean on. There had been only herself. The two of them would be much stronger. When the winds blew they could stand strong together.
That truth, that belief, was suddenly so strong inside her, burning with so much conviction that she could not hold it in any longer.
“Andres...I need to tell you something.”
“You didn’t stash your dinner in a potted plant, did you?” he asked, his voice full of humor.
“No,” she said, pressing her forehead to his shoulder. “Nothing like that. I just need to tell you...I’m looking forward to becoming your wife tomorrow.”
She felt him stiffen in her arms. “Well, this is a good thing,” he said, “as no matter your feelings on the subject, you will become my wife tomorrow.”
