he didn’t have any feelings for her, this was it. She struggled to frame the words. ‘Why did you keep them a secret from me? Why didn’t you trust me? Why were you ashamed of me?’
Richard gave an apologetic smile. ‘My mother is terrified of my father. She worried that something might happen when she heard that we were marrying. She has become quite irrational and hysterical. She chose not to come to the wedding and I hardly wanted to give you an excuse to delay. You see, Sophie, there is a logical explanation. It is not what you thought. Imagine what would have happened if she’d been at the wedding when my father showed up. In the end, it was a minor miracle. I wanted that day to be perfect for you.’
He looked at her with lidded eyes. Even now, he wasn’t trusting her with the full story. His mother had chosen not to go to the wedding because she felt Sophie wasn’t good enough.
‘You were ashamed of me? Is that why you wrote that letter?’
‘My mother can be overly proud. She has no cause to be.’ Richard rolled his eyes. ‘She and my aunt are like that. She wrote to my aunt asking for her opinion, once we were wed. The letter you found was my aunt’s reply, detailing what she wrote to my father after I goaded her. Now you see that this is all a tempest in a teapot.’
‘No, it is far worse. You didn’t trust me. You still don’t trust me. You married me without trusting me. You only married because we had to, because I forced the issue by kissing you.’ Sophie struggled to take a breath. Her insides were torn to tiny shreds.
‘There were two of us in that carriage.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘I was hardly reluctant. And as for not telling you about my mother … well, my father arrived. You tell secrets readily and without meaning to. I don’t blame you, Sophie, but they just seem to spill out of you. I selfishly wanted to concentrate on my marriage, rather than having the drama of my parents.’
‘I tell secrets!’
‘Look at how our engagement was announced to all and sundry at the Assembly Rooms, how you proclaimed it was a love match.’
‘You know the circumstance.’ Sophie ground her teeth. Of all the accusations, that was the most unfair. She prided herself on her ability to keep secrets. ‘My quick thinking destroyed Sir Vincent.’
‘I never said you did it deliberately, merely that you found it difficult to keep secrets.’ Richard’s tone became overly reasonable. ‘Secrets spill from your lips at the earliest opportunity and then someone else has to deal with the consequences. I didn’t want to deal with these consequences.’
‘Do they really?’ Sophie narrowed her eyes. She wanted to shake him hard. He knew nothing about her! She prided herself on being able to keep important secrets. She would never deliberately tell anyone anything which would harm them or make them upset. Above everything, it showed how mistaken she’d been to marry a stranger. ‘Richard, I kept the truth about our engagement from the woman who brought me up until after we were married and I was confronted with a glaring lie. I kept the truth from my guardian and his wife. And I share everything with Henri.’
‘You share everything with an unknown.’ He slammed his fists together. ‘There, I rest my case. Precisely why I didn’t tell you. I know what my parents are like.’
‘You are seeking to justify the unjustifiable.’ Sophie’s mouth tasted like ash. He hadn’t even listened to what she was saying. Neither did he care about her feelings. ‘And you obviously don’t want to know me very well. I thought we were friends, Richard, but we are merely strangers who shared a bed. You should have trusted me with this. Instead, you allowed me to blunder about, not knowing what was happening or why you were distant.’ Her limbs started to tremble. In another moment, she’d break down and cry. She absolutely refused to cry in front of him. ‘What else have you kept hidden from me? I loved you, Richard.’
The words hung between them. Sophie covered her mouth. She hadn’t meant to confess her love in that way.
‘That is unfair, Sophie. Bringing love into it to suit your purposes.’ He gave a half-smile and held out his hands. ‘I did marry you. I do want you, Sophie, as my life’s partner. Being with you has been an oasis of calm in my life. I’m selfish. I know that, but it was done to protect you.’
‘Shall we be honest, Richard? Finally? You married me because you could not have me any other way. Because you wanted me in your bed, but your sense of honour meant that you had to marry me. This was about sex and desire, pure and simple on your part. But I’m not a mistress. I thought I was your wife.’
‘You are making wild accusations. You are overtired.’ He put out his hand. ‘I married you because I wanted you in my life. My whole life. I planned on telling you about my mother and sister when the time was right. I wanted to enjoy you without my family causing problems for just a while longer.’
His pity at her love somehow made it worse. She hugged her waist. ‘No, you only wanted me in your bed. I suppose some should say that I should be grateful that you gave me your name. But you didn’t want me in your life, not really. You were ashamed of me.’
He winced when she said the words, but he did not say anything. He allowed his hand to drop to his side. And she knew her words had hit their mark. She waited for him to deny it, or say something that would fill the great yawning gap where her heart had been. ‘You were the one who wanted to show me off like some prize you’d won. You were the one who planned a dinner party without asking me first. Why is it so important to you what other people think about you and your life?’
The silence became deafening and she knew she had her answer.
‘I’m going, Richard. I refuse to stay here in this sham of a marriage.’
‘You can’t abandon our marriage.’
‘You already abandoned it. You never gave me a chance. You were not interested in me.’
‘Don’t you want to hear why I was late?’ he whispered in a ragged voice. ‘Hear me out before you make your decision. Once you know, you will understand.’
‘I doubt I will ever understand. You are ashamed of me. You only married me because you have your code of honour. I hoped it might be love, but it wasn’t.’
‘Listen, Sophie, before you judge. Please. I never wanted my family problems to concern you. It is not you I am ashamed of, but my family and the way they act.’
Sophie struggled to control her temper. She was married to him. All her instincts screamed that she should grab her valise and go. If Richard touched her, there was every possibility she’d melt. ‘Why were you late?’
‘My mother took an overdose of laudanum. I had to get the doctor. I had to make sure she was going to live. Otherwise our trip would have to have been postponed again. Hannah was beyond hysterical. You do understand why I had to stay.’
‘Why did she overdose?’
‘You would have to ask her.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘I had told her about the dinner party and that my father would be leaving in the morning. You and I were going to the Continent. I would see them again when I returned and that I hoped she’d enjoy getting to know you then. I left and went to the jewellers to pick up that blasted necklace for you.’
‘I didn’t want a necklace. I never wanted a necklace.’
‘I wanted to give it
