The Complete Ruby Redfort Collection. Lauren Child
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Ruby was feeling steadily more and more horrible – she would have to actually go over and clean Mrs Beesman’s yard now – she was sure to go to hell otherwise. She was really beginning to dislike Clancy. Wow, some friend you are.
As if preventing a bank heist wasn’t enough – now she had to clean some cat lady’s yard.
One little lie
THE NEXT DAY WAS SUNDAY and Ruby wasn’t expected at Spectrum. She decided that it was about time she saw some of her friends – Clancy in particular. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to explain her absence from school but she thought maybe she should tell them the truth – well, the truth that was the lie that Hitch had told, about her grandmother being sick. It was just that Ruby wasn’t good at lying to her friends. Mrs Drisco? No trouble at all. Her parents? Easy. But not her friends – it didn’t feel right.
She just hoped none of them would remember that the grandmother in question had actually long since departed this earth.
It’s just one little lie, thought Ruby.
She got out of bed and walked over to the heap of clothes lying on the floor. She had been so preoccupied the night before that she had completely forgotten about the watch. Now she finally had the chance to take a close look – see just what it could do. However, it seemed her jacket was no longer in the pile – nor, indeed, was it anywhere in her room.
‘Hey Mom,’ called Ruby. ‘You seen my jacket?’
‘I grabbed it while you were sleeping honey – got Hitch to take it to the tailor.’
‘I don’t believe it.’
‘Ruby, you can’t wear a ripped jacket!’ said her mother. ‘Besides you have plenty of others.’
‘That’s not the point,’ muttered Ruby. ‘People shouldn’t mess with other people’s stuff.’ Boy, if she lost that watch she’d be toast.
She slipped a T-shirt over her head which bore the words you better believe it buster and was just pulling on a pair of jeans when the phone in her bedroom rang. Without considering who it might be, she picked up the receiver.
‘Twinford Retirement Centre, just sit in a chair while we vacuum around you.’
‘Hey Rube, where you been?’ It was Clancy.
Ruby took a deep breath. ‘Haven’t you heard, my grandmother’s sick and I, you know… have been cheering the old lady up.’
‘Oh yeah? I’m sorry to hear that. Your mom must be real upset.’
‘What makes you think it’s my mom’s Mom?’
‘Only ’cause I spoke to your other Grandmother this morning – she called to speak to my mom about some party she’s planning and I guess she wouldn’t be planning a party if she was real sick. Planning a party would be the last thing she would be thinking about – don’t you agree?’ Clancy said this casually.
‘Well, yeah you’re right, it’s my mom’s Mom – poor thing, she’s been pretty sick but I reckon she’ll pull through, she’s a tough old bird.’
‘Mm, she must be,’ agreed Clancy.
Ruby gabbled on about her grandmother until Clancy finally interrupted.
‘Rube, this is me you’re talking to, Clancy Crew, remember? Your best buddy? And I hate to break it to you this way but your grandmother on your mother’s side, she isn’t sick – she’s dead!’
‘Aw, now come on Clance, that ain’t nice. You don’t wanna break bad news like that!’
‘Ruby, what is going on? First you tell me all that stuff about the butler who plainly isn’t a butler and then this stuff about phone calls and codes and now, zip, nothing – like you just made it all up.’
‘Yeah well maybe I did,’ said Ruby.
‘Yeah? That sounds likely! I can’t believe I was actually worried about you, when all you are doing is lying your head off. And by the way, for your information, you might as well tell me what’s going on ’cause if you don’t – you know I’m gonna find out.’
Ruby thought about this for just a minute and knew it to be true. But what she said was, ‘Look, I think I can hear my mom calling, I gotta go.’
‘You can lie to yourself, Ruby Redfort, but you can’t lie to me,’ said Clancy as he slammed the receiver down.
Yeah, you got that right. Pulling on her boots she grabbed her jacket and left the house. Bug followed.
‘Hey Rube’ said Elliot, ‘Where’ve you been?’
‘Oh, my grandmother… she’s sick,’ said Ruby.
‘Sorry to hear that,’ said Elliot. ‘She gonna be OK?’
‘I guess there’s no way of knowing.’
Elliot looked at the ground and kicked an old tennis ball that was lying by the kerb, then he looked up and said, ‘Hey, who’s that guy I keep seeing driving your mom around?’
‘Oh, you mean Hitch, he’s our new butler,’ replied Ruby.
‘Your butler?’ spluttered Elliot. ‘You have a butler?’
‘Well, house manager – I call him a butler but he’s a house manager.’ Ruby was kicking herself – why did she have to go and say butler?
Elliot obviously thought this was the funniest thing he had ever heard. ‘Butler!’ he repeated, ‘butler!’ He was laughing so hard that he no longer seemed to be able to hold himself up – his spine seemed to concertina. Tears were rolling down his face.
Mouse Huxtable came round the corner. ‘Hey, what’s so funny?’
‘Nothing,’ scowled Ruby.
Mouse looked at Elliot. ‘Do you think his head will fall off?’
‘It’s hard to say,’ replied Ruby. ‘It never has before.’
This scene wasn’t unusual. Elliot was prone to terrible giggling fits. At the most inappropriate moment he would break out into uncontrolled, often silent laughter, shoulders shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. The worst thing about it was that Elliot had a very infectious laugh and it was hard not to get caught up in it once he got going.
But this time, Ruby did not want to see the funny side.
‘Give me a break bozo – funnier things have happened.’ But Elliot did not seem to think so.
Ruby felt the corners of her mouth twitch – she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction so instead she said, ‘Come on Mouse, let’s go