is fiction?’ He glanced at the laptop. ‘But I think this must reflect your true feelings, at least a little.’ And as such it hurt like hell, Ruiz concluded angrily. On the back of it he’d made a lot of changes—like hiring a housekeeper to take care of Bouncer while he was gone. ‘I think you’ve started believing your own fiction, Holly.’
‘What?’ She laughed incredulously. ‘It’s just work. That’s what I do.’
‘Then I don’t like what you do.’
The room hung in frigid silence. Holly felt as if the sword of Damocles were hanging by a thread above her head. She knew the sword had to fall, it was just a question of when and how fast.
So get out of its way—
‘I’ll go and put these things away, if you don’t mind?’ she said, glancing at the shopping bags of food she had brought in.
‘When you’ve done that, come back. We need to talk.’
She felt dead inside. There was nothing in Ruiz’s voice to suggest that last night had meant anything to him. Just as she had suspected, he had already moved on.
She went into the kitchen, where Bouncer came snuffling up to her, his big brown eyes soulful as if the dog sensed her tension and wanted to defuse it. ‘I won’t leave you,’ Holly vowed fiercely. ‘I’ll find somewhere to live where you can come with me.’ She glanced at the door behind which the man she had been so confident she could turn into a fiction, and who had somehow become so much more than that, was waiting for her.
She’d miss him when he left.
Squeezing back tears, she made do with hugging Ruiz’s dog. ‘I love you, Bouncer,’ she said passionately, releasing some of the tension. It wasn’t right to feel like this about a man. No excuses. She’d known all along how dangerous it was to risk her heart.
‘I thought you were going to put that shopping away and then come back and talk?’
Collecting herself quickly, Holly looked up to find Ruiz lounging in the doorway. His arms were folded across his formidable chest, and his voice, his body, his eyes especially—eyes she had stared into with love, and into which she had placed her trust—everything drew her to him. She couldn’t change her feelings where Ruiz was concerned just because it was safer to do so or because she willed it. She could write whatever she liked in the column, but reality refused to be manipulated. ‘I’m just sorting stuff out,’ she managed casually.
‘Well, don’t take all evening.’
The playboy might be a fictional figure, but Ruiz was all too real. And so were her feelings for him. Finding the doggy treats she’d bought at the supermarket, she tried telling herself it wasn’t all bad as Bouncer’s tail thanked her profusely. At least she’d made one good friend in London. But there was really only one friend and lover she could ever want, and he plainly wasn’t interested.
She took her time, had a shower and changed into jeans before returning to the living room where Ruiz was working on his laptop. ‘You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?’ She had to challenge him before he could make the announcement. Ruiz’s answer was to indicate the space next to him on the sofa. She sat as far away from him as she could, determined not to let him see how she felt about his silence. She wondered then if Ruiz had any lingering memories of her touch, or her kisses, as she had of his. Did men even bank physical memories like a woman, to pull out and review later?
She had to stop thinking like that, or she’d break down. She should have had a good howl in the shower to get this out of her system. The way Ruiz was acting, so casual and normal as if this was just another day, she couldn’t bear it. The greatest intimacy of all seemed to have pushed them apart, and she of all people should have known the risks: don’t tie me down, don’t ask me to commit. It was, after all, a favourite topic in the column. Friends were bound by loving ties even if they didn’t see each other for years, but sleep with a friend and that changed everything, because you ran the risk of becoming a nuisance, a potential curb on your friend’s freedom.
‘Are you okay?’ Ruiz glanced at her with concern as she sucked in a couple of steadying breaths.
‘I’m fine, thank you. So when are you going?’
‘Soon. Very soon. But that’s not what I want to talk to you about.’ He picked up a set of keys. Was Ruiz offering Holly the keys to his house? Why? ‘Do you want me to keep an eye on the place while you’re away?’ She was happy to do so.
‘No, that’s okay—but thanks for the offer. I have employed a live-in housekeeper who will have her own apartment on site.’ He ruffled Bouncer’s ears. Having padded into the room in search of company, the big dog had settled down between them. ‘The town house is a much better option than here,’ Ruiz went on. ‘There’s a proper garden, plus a large communal garden that leads on to the park.’
‘That’s great.’ She kept it light. ‘But I’m not sure I can afford the rent …’
‘That’s very funny,’ Ruiz said, shaking his head, but his eyes were cold as he stared at her. ‘I’m talking about Bouncer moving back there. You’ll stay here, won’t you, Holly? At least until you find somewhere else to live. No hurry,’ he stressed.
‘Of course.’ She laughed. She smiled. She died a little more inside. She should have known Ruiz’s forward planning was all about his dog. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t be here long. I’ve found several flats to look at in the next couple of days—’
‘Well, that’s great,’ Ruiz agreed. ‘But you know you can stay on here as long as you want.’
‘I’d rather not.’
‘Okay.’ He shrugged. ‘Whatever you want, Holly …’
‘I thought I’d move closer to the office.’
Ruiz made no comment and it was a relief to get up and turn away. New Holly didn’t long for things she couldn’t have. She didn’t risk her heart or her bank account. And she certainly didn’t risk her career, Holly told herself fiercely, fighting back tears.
Concerned you might be left on the shelf? Don’t be. Just think—no shirts to iron, no meals to cook, and you can eat chocolate éclairs for supper every night of your life.
Light-bulb moment, why? Because wallowing in misery isn’t for me, the new me. Friend to lover and back to friends again. I’m told this shift of position is possible if handled correctly. And because I love this man’s sister as if she were my own and I don’t want to hurt her, I’m determined to make it back to friends with him.
And the playboy? Who knows what he thinks? He’s off to Argentina and a life of which I will never be a part. I have to say he seems preoccupied. Perhaps he’s concerned he’s been out of the game too long and might not come up to scratch when he returns to play top class polo. Whatever his problem, one thing I’m sure about—it has nothing to do with me.
HOLLY kept her head down next day at the office. Work was the only thing that numbed the pain of thinking about Ruiz resuming the life of a playboy in the next couple of
