an ugly letdown, such a public failure. And she didn’t have half the power over me that you do.’
Riley hauled in a deep breath, sadness sucking her lungs against her ribcage because she knew that they were finally over. She couldn’t fight this—it was too big. ‘I always thought that we couldn’t be together because it was the wrong time, but it’s not. It’s because you’re too scared to take a chance. And I understand that—I do. I did the same thing. But I was young and naive and I’ve regretted it every day since. You want to know why I’m going? I’m leaving because I was lonely and because I wanted a new start, because I couldn’t live in the city knowing that you were in it but not in my life. Now I have to leave because I am so in love with you, but you aren’t prepared to risk your heart on me.’
‘Can’t we just take it slow, see where this goes?’ James begged.
‘That’s not going to happen. Essentially, you wanting to “date” me is a flowery way of you saying that you want to keep sleeping with me without risking your heart. Well, stuff that—my heart has always been on the line and if you want me then it’s time you put yours on there too!’ Riley told him, eyes flashing.
His head jerked back as if her words slapped him in the face. ‘You want me? Well, I’m not going to make this easy for you!’ Riley twisted her lips. ‘You, the big badass diamond CEO, scared of love, scared of what you don’t understand! Just happy to have a fling with the one woman who has always understood you just because you’re petrified of feeling anything, of life and of living … of loving me! Of failing at love! ‘
Riley leaned forward and drilled him in the chest with her finger. ‘It’s so clear now—you only made a move on me after weddings and funerals, when your wall started crumbling thanks to a couple of drinks. Now you want to “date” me because it’s the only way you can be with me but allow those walls to stay up around your heart!
‘Your offer sucks and, yeah, it’s the final insult, James.’ Riley dropped her hand and bit her lip. ‘I’m done. This time, I promise you, I’m walking away for good. I’m going to start a new life in a new town and maybe one day I’ll find someone else to love, someone brave enough to love me. Because I won’t be too scared to fail and he won’t be too scared to trust me with his heart. And that’ll be because he’ll recognise that I’m loyal and trustworthy and because I’m a damn good bet!’
Riley flung back the covers, scrambled out of the bed and refused to look at the only man who’d ever come close to touching her soul.
‘Riley—’
Her heart stuttered as anticipation flooded her system. Maybe, just maybe, she had got through to him, maybe he realised that she was—they were—too good to lose. That—
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.
Yeah, me too, Riley thought, feeling her heart snap and then shatter.
JAMES PACED HIS BALCONY, wishing that he was walking the lands at Bon Chance, where the air was pure and he could breathe. In his jersey and jeans, he was vaguely aware that it was another icy afternoon in New York but he’d been perpetually cold since his last conversation with Riley and feeling frozen, on the inside as well as out, had started to feel normal. It had been four days since Riley had walked out of his life and he felt that the sun would never shine again.
Was this what depression actually felt like? He’d never felt anything close to this before, he thought, as he tucked his hands under his armpits. He couldn’t think of anything but her, work was a joke and food tasted like cardboard. When he’d dumped Liz, he’d felt angry and hurt—more angry than hurt—for months but he’d never felt this … emptiness. Everything was dim, even the bright colours of the Christmas lights and the decorations of the city were dull and tinged with grey.
‘You really are a jerk-nugget, Jay.’
Just what he needed, his baby sister putting a flea in his ear. Oh, joy! James turned around and glared at his slender long-limbed sibling, leaning against the balcony door as if she were a part of the furniture. And she normally was—just not today; probably not tomorrow either. ‘I really have to change the code to my lift.’
‘Whatever. I just left Riley, who was bawling her eyes out.’
‘I told her that I wanted to be with her.’
‘You told her that you wanted to date her, you moron! What the hell were you thinking?’ Morgan demanded.
He’d forgotten what a good handle Morgan had on sarcasm, James thought, shoving his hand into his hair and tugging. ‘I don’t have a cooking clue.’
Morgan came onto the balcony and tightened her coat around her slim waist. ‘Riley told me about your fight, about Liz, about what happened between you because, you know, Riley and I tell each other everything.’
‘Like that’s news,’ James muttered, leaning his elbows on the railing and looking down on the mostly deserted Central Park.
‘You’ve always had a lot to live up to, James—the family name, the fact that Dad abdicated as CEO and left us to travel the world, appearing now and again to play Dad. You became my hero, the man I relied on … through all my issues, I leaned on you. There was enormous pressure on you to take over as MI CEO, to achieve, to be seen to be achieving. Because of the Moreau name and all of that. You never failed, James, at anything.’
‘I failed with Liz.’
‘Pfft. She’s wasn’t a failure; she was a lucky escape.’ Morgan looked him in the eye, their identical eyes clashing. ‘You never failed … except with Riley.’
Why didn’t she take a gun and shoot him between the eyes? ‘You failed her, James. You failed her ten years ago when you didn’t give her space to breathe; you failed her by running off to Liz; you failed her every time you slept with her and pretended that she was another one-night stand. You failed her six months ago and, boy, you seriously failed her four days ago. But I’m here to tell you that it’s grovelling time, bro, because if you don’t you’re going to regret this every single freakin’ second for the rest of your life.’
He was already spending every single freaking second missing her and calling himself a fool.
‘And I will also get my ex-SAS fiancé to kick your ass until you do start grovelling.’
She would too.
‘It’s simple, stupid. You love her; she loves you.’
Could it really be that simple? James thought on a surge of hope.
‘She can make you happy, Jay,’ Morgan softly said.
‘She already does,’ he admitted.
When he was with her, every day was Christmas, every day held that same expectancy that something extraordinarily special was about to happen. And then it would, either by her smiling or cracking a comment or sliding her hand into his. Special didn’t have to be big, he realised; it just had to be Riley.
‘You’d be crazy, and stupid, to let her go. And Christmas won’t be Christmas without her,’ Morgan said, her tone mournful.
James yanked his baby sister into his arms, hugging her tightly. ‘I know. I’ll fix it, Morgs.’ He had to—he’d always
