God.” Her breath caught in her lungs as he pulled her in close to him. Close enough to discover that he was right. Much harder and he’d turn to stone.
A burn started low and deep within her, spreading with a swiftness that made her feel as if she had a sudden fever. A fever only Nathan could assuage.
Shaking her head both at her own thoughts and at him, she pulled free and took a staggering step backward just for an extra measure of safety. Not that she was afraid of Nathan. No, she was more afraid that her good intentions would be blown out of the water by her own need.
“Damn it, Amanda,” he said roughly. “You want this, too. I can feel it.”
“Yes,” she admitted when she could talk around the knot lodged in her throat. “I do. But I’m not going to do it.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because it wouldn’t solve anything, Nathan.”
He threw both hands high and wide then let them fall to his sides again. “Why the hell does it have to solve anything? We’re not kids anymore. Can’t it just be what it is and leave it at that?”
“Not between us,” she said, a little steadier now that he wasn’t touching her. “It’s never simple between us, Nathan, and you know it.”
He shoved both hands into his jeans pockets and let his head fall back briefly as if looking for patience in the wide Texas sky above them. When he looked at her again, he said, “You can’t let go of the past, can you?”
Bristling a little, she countered, “Can you?”
Shaking his head, he pulled one hand free of his pocket and ran it over his face. “Not entirely, no.”
“Then how can us sleeping together help?”
“How can it hurt?” he argued.
“Nathan, sex doesn’t solve a problem, it only creates new problems.”
“Maybe that’s enough for now,” he said tightly.
“Not for me,” she answered.
“What the hell do you want, then?”
A thousand disjointed thoughts swept through her mind in one confusing instant. What did she want? Him, mostly. She’d tried to fool herself into believing that she just wanted to move on. To find a new man and build a life with him.
But there were no other men for Amanda. There was only Nathan, now and always. She wanted what they hadn’t had before. Trust. Love. A future. And she knew Nathan wasn’t interested in anything like that.
So that left her exactly where?
Alone, she thought. She’d be alone.
He closed the gap between them in one long stride and grabbed her up close again. Here was the danger, she thought. Feeling him pressed close to her, knowing that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. But want wasn’t enough, as they’d already discovered.
“Don’t make this harder,” she whispered.
“Why should I make it easy?” he asked.
She looked up at him and when he kissed her, Amanda lost herself in him. His mouth covered hers with a fierce tenderness that quickly became a dance of desperation. Their tongues met again and again, stroking, caressing, tasting. Hunger built and spread, wrapping them both in a wash of heat that was inescapable. His hands swept up and down her back and finally came to rest on her behind. He held her tightly to him and ground his hips into hers. She gasped and lifted one leg instinctively, wrapping it around his thigh, trying, but failing to bring him even closer.
His mouth continued to overwhelm her and all of Amanda’s good intentions were swept away on a tide of passion too staggering to fight. Her mind splintered under the onslaught of too many sensations. It had been so long, was her only coherent thought. So long since she’d felt his hands on her body, his breath on her face. How could she not have him? What did it matter what happened tomorrow, if tonight, she could have this?
One of his strong hands held her thigh up along his hip, his fingers digging into her flesh. With his free hand, he lifted the hem of her skirt, then slipped his hand beneath the hem of her panties and down to the trembling, heated core of her.
At the first brush of his fingers, Amanda gasped, and tore her mouth from his. Reeling, she tipped her head back and stared into his eyes as he stroked her hot, damp center. His brown eyes were flashing with fire and need. His breath came as fast and sharp as hers. Her fingers clutched at his shoulders, as she fought for balance and for the orgasm that was rushing toward her.
He dipped one finger and then two into her depths, stroking both inside and out as he plunged and withdrew in a rapid rhythm that tortured as it pleasured. Amanda’s hips rocked into his hand as she struggled to find the release that he was promising her. Her mind was shutting down. Who needed to think when he was offering her so much to feel?
Again and again, she whimpered and twisted against his touch. His thumb rolled over one sensitive spot and she cried out his name in a broken voice torn from a throat nearly too tight to allow breath.
“Come for me,” he whispered, kissing her mouth, her eyes, her nose. “Come now, Amanda, and let me see you shatter.”
Stars shone overhead. A Texas wind caressed her bare skin. Her lover’s eyes held hers. And Amanda surrendered to the inevitable with a groan of release and a whispered sigh that was his name.
She was limp in his grasp and Nathan had never felt more alive. His body hard and aching, his pulse scrambling, he continued to stroke her intimately, loving the feel of her slick flesh beneath his fingers. Her breath hitched and she jerked in his arms as her still-sensitive body reacted to his touch.
No woman in the world affected him like this one did. With just a sigh, she could inflame him or bring him to his knees. Which is why he was here, he reminded himself. This was the plan. To have sex with her again so that he could walk away. He looked down into her face and saw a soft, satisfied smile. Saw her meadow-green eyes glazed with passion. Saw the rapid pulse beat at the base of her throat and he wasn’t thinking about walking away. He was thinking only of burying himself inside her. Feeling her body close around his again.
“Nathan…that was …”
“Foreplay,” he groaned past the hard knot of need lodged in his throat and waited for her reaction. He touched her again and she trembled. In his arms, she felt vulnerable, soft, and every protective instinct he had roared to life. In that moment, he wanted to stand between her and the rest of the world. He wanted to always see her like this, looking up at him with stars in her eyes and a breathless plea on her lips.
Seconds ticked past as she looked into his eyes. He held perfectly still. He wouldn’t touch her again until she said yes. Until she admitted that sex was the one thing they both could agree on. That they both needed. He hoped to hell she’d say it. If she still said no, it just might kill him.
She
