refuse to go to bed with him ever again. Because if she did, Kyle knew she would agree to whatever he wanted from her. And the Montana woman, the pragmatist, knew better. She would not sell her heart for one night in his arms. Or even thirty nights. It had to be forever or not at all.
FOUR DAYS... ANNA closed her eyes, standing near her bedroom door, hand upon the brass knob. She had changed into an old pair of jeans that had seen better days, two layers of sweaters beneath her dark blue nylon parka and good boots to traverse the knee-deep snow. As she opened her eyes, the slats of sun filtered through the burgundy drapes in her bedroom. Kyle waited for her out in the living room. They were going to go find the perfect Christmas tree for the ranch house and the wranglers’ bunkhouse. Her house was now painfully empty, no longer filled with the booming laughter of her father or the teasing from her mother. It seemed longer than a year that they’d been gone. And on days like this, particularly around the holidays, it felt as if someone was carving up her heart with a dull knife.
She felt weak and needy. Four days with Kyle under her roof triggered the powerful emotions of loving him once more. He was charismatic. His eyes were a deep gray with a black ring around the iris, making him look like the focused hunter he really was. He hunted men, just as raptors hunted their kind of food.
And his smile was devastating to her, dismantling all logic as to why she shouldn’t get involved with him. Did he know how his smile undid her? Did Kyle read the desire in her expression?
At twenty-two, seven long years ago, he had come home and they’d made love, giving their hearts to one another. Even after their breakup, she wore her heart on her sleeve. She couldn’t hide how she felt about Kyle. She never could. And right now, her heart pined so powerfully for any little touch, any smile or gaze from Kyle.
There was no mistaking what lay in his gray gaze, that intense craving for her alone. Kyle seemed cautious about touching her during the past four days. He’d been circumspect, as if respecting her space, her needs. But at night in bed? She hurt so much, the ache in her body for this man with the careless smile and dancing gray eyes haunted her. Kyle exuded life times ten. To Anna, he was like the force of sunlight come to earth in the shape of a human. Just being around him had increased her appetite, chased away so much of her dizziness and infused her with his energy, his love. Within days she felt ten times stronger than before.
Kyle cajoled her into eating a little more each day. He made them breakfast, and his buttermilk pancakes were mouth-waveringly good. She was surprised he knew how to cook, but in the end, she left no crumbs on her plate, either. Anna would swear she’d gained five pounds. It was Kyle’s love for her, she realized, that was feeding her soul, infusing her heart and body. He had always had that kind of magical effect upon her in every way.
Her fingers tightened around the doorknob. What was she going to do? She felt the intense longing to be in his arms, resting against his stalwart body, knowing he would hold her safe. Kyle would love her if she allowed him. Every cell in her body trembled with need. The last time he had loved her, kissed her, was seven years ago. And she could still remember the strength of his mouth upon hers.
What did that make her? A fool forever? Hadn’t she tried to erase Kyle from her heart? They were children who grew up together. Running through fields of purple clover, rolling in lush, green grass and lying together, hands behind their heads, watching the white clouds change shape above them.
A small sound, part desperation, part desire, slipped from between her lips. Anna wanted to blame her neediness for Kyle on her concussion, but she knew that wasn’t true. Her heart wanted this man who was so tall, so confident and such a warrior among men. And she knew she was chasing a dream that would never come true. Kyle had said it himself: his family was the SEALs. Not her. She was second in his life. She had been first before he’d turned eighteen. The sweet, stolen kisses they’d shared still danced in her heart’s memory. They had been so young, innocent and so much in love with one another.
Opening her eyes, Anna stared down at her hand, felt the dampness and coolness of her fingers around the brass knob. Kyle had loved the SEALs more. And that was what she had to remember. No matter what happened today, out at Christmas Tree Hill, Anna had to keep that knowledge that she was second in his life. Her heart didn’t want to remember it, but her head did.
Slowly, she twisted the knob and the door quietly opened before her. Anna heard the soft snap and crackle of wood in the massive fireplace down the hall. Those natural sounds always soothed her. This afternoon, she knew Kyle was there, warming himself by the fire, waiting for her.
Her heart cried out in anguish to go to him, wrap her arms around his narrow waist, rest her head against his well-sprung chest, feel his arms slide around her, enclose her, hold her close. In four days, the desperation had built within her so much that Anna felt like a crazed animal, wanting to throw caution to the wind. Take Kyle to her bed, love him with all the passion she possessed and allow him to return it to her. She saw the look in his eyes. Saw the hunger for her in them. Anna knew he didn’t possess the ability to hide how he felt toward her. With her, Kyle wore his heart on his sleeve, too.
Numbly, she walked down the flagstone hall, the hollow sound of the tread of her boots against the caramel, white and sienna–colored sedimentary rock. As she emerged, Kyle lifted his chin, his gaze narrowing on her. Heat began to build in her breasts, tightening them, and then that arc of blazing heat dived below, nestling and restless deep within her. All Kyle had to do was look at her. Just a look.
“Ready?” he asked, studying her closely as she drew up to him.
“Yes,” she said, a little breathless.
“Blue sky and sunshine out there,” he said, slipping his hand beneath her elbow. “A beautiful day. Jepson said it was going to get above freezing.”
Anna barely heard his low, dark voice that always made her shiver with anticipation. She felt the monitored strength of his long, strong fingers cupping her elbow as he opened the door and guided her into the crisp afternoon air.
Kyle led her outside the gated fence to a black Chevy truck. He opened the passenger door for Anna and she stepped inside the cab. The sky was blindingly blue, and she put on her red baseball cap and dark glasses. Watching Kyle walk around the truck, the way his shoulders were proudly squared, she admired the strength in his face, in the set of his jaw. It was when her gaze dropped to his well-shaped mouth that she groaned internally. How badly she wanted his mouth upon hers.
“Jepson said he had a wrangler take a grader up into the road area earlier this morning where we’ll find a tree,” Kyle said, putting the truck in gear. He drove out of the plowed area, remembering the way to that hill.
“We’ll need two trees today, Kyle.”
“Two it is.” He smiled as he drove slowly down the road covered with hard-packed snow. “How are you feeling today?”
“Okay,” she lied, clasping her gloved hands in her lap.
“Dizziness?”
“None so far today.”
“Good.”
There was relief in his low voice, and genuine caring. In all the years, Kyle had never lied to her. He’d always been honest and straightforward with her. Anna felt as if she were sitting next to sunlight. Kyle unaccountably lifted her spirit. Fed her hope. Made her feel as if everything in the world would turn out all right. He’d always made her feel that way.
“My
