appeared in the doorway, brilliant dark eyes alive with concern, the taut line of his handsome mouth easing with relief when he saw that she was eating. ‘It was a stomach upset, probably the result of you being given so much unfamiliar food,’ he reasoned. ‘Perhaps we should ask one of the chefs to cook English meals for you.’
‘No, what we needed was better birth control,’ Ruby contradicted, taking tiny sips of tea to moisten her dry mouth while she stared mournfully back at her husband. ‘And I’m afraid that ship has sailed.’
Raja was staring fixedly at her, shapely ebony brows quirked, bewilderment stamped in the angles of his strong face. ‘Better birth control?’
‘We didn’t use any in the desert—didn’t have any to use,’ she conceded heavily for so far being pregnant, between the nausea and the sore breasts, was not proving to be a lot of fun. ‘And … you’ve knocked me up.’
Raja had never bothered to try and imagine how he might hear that he was to become a father for the first time, but had he done so he was certain that not once would the colloquial British phrase ‘knocked up’ have featured on his dream wife’s lips. ‘You’re …’ Shaken by the concept, he had to clear his throat to continue. ‘You’re pregnant?’
‘Yes, congratulations, you’re a real stud.’ Ruby sighed in a tone that would not have encouraged him to celebrate. ‘But it’s such a shock.’
Raja shifted his proud dark head in agreement. In receipt of her announcement, which had rocked him on his feet, he felt a little light-headed. ‘I feel rather foolish,’ he admitted wryly. ‘This possibility didn’t once cross my mind.’
‘Me neither—until afterwards. I worried after we were rescued,’ Ruby told him ruefully.
‘You should have told me that you were concerned. I can’t believe it but in the excitement of the situation I overlooked the risk of such a development,’ Raja declared gravely.
‘That’s not like you,’ Ruby remarked helplessly, for she always got the feeling that Raja worked everything out to the nth degree and rarely got taken by surprise. ‘At the beginning I even suspected that conceiving a child might have been part of the seduction plan. After all, once you got me pregnant it would be harder for me to walk away from our marriage.’
‘But not impossible and I wouldn’t wish an unwilling mother on any child of mine.’ Raja scored impatient fingers through his cropped black hair, his clear, dark golden gaze melding to hers in reproach. ‘I am not a Machiavelli. My desire for you was very strong and I acted on it for the most natural of reasons.’
It disturbed Ruby that she could not work out how he felt about her revelation that she was pregnant. She had originally assumed that he would be pleased, which was why she had announced it in that quirky fashion, striving to be cool. But now she was no longer so certain of his reaction because his innate reserve concealed his true reaction from her. ‘I bet you that Wajid turns wheelies when he finds out—it’s another piece of good PR, isn’t it? Three weeks of marriage and I’m pregnant?’
‘And you feel even more trapped than you did already,’ Raja assumed, his stubborn jaw line clenching, a muscle pulling taut at the edge of his handsome mouth. ‘I know you had already decided that you wanted to offer a home to Leyla, but you are very young to take on the responsibility of parenthood—’
‘Raja … girls of fourteen were falling pregnant when I was at secondary school. At twenty-one I’m mature enough or I wouldn’t have been talking about trying to adopt Leyla,’ Ruby argued, feeling insulted and wondering if he considered her immature.
Raja strolled over to the window and looked out at the lush tranquil garden in the courtyard. His lean classic profile was taut. ‘I do understand how you must feel. Such massive changes in your life are a challenge to cope with. Be honest with yourself and with me—’
Tension made Ruby sit up a little straighter in the bed. ‘Honest about what? And how do you feel?’
‘I felt incredibly trapped when I knew I had to get married as part of the peace accord,’ he admitted without warning, the words escaping him in a low-pitched driven surge. ‘I didn’t want a wife I didn’t choose for myself. My father reminded me that he didn’t even meet my mother before he married her but, as I pointed out to him, he was raised in a different world with exactly that expectation. I never dreamt that I would be asked to make an arranged marriage. I had to man up.’
With that confession, which Ruby was quite unprepared to receive at that moment, she felt as though he had driven a knife into her. It shook her that she had been happy to feel like a victim while ignoring the reality that he might have felt equally powerless on his own behalf. I didn’t want a wife I didn’t choose for myself. That one sentence really said all she needed to know. At heart they had always had much more in common than she was prepared to accept. No doubt he had not shared his feelings on the score of their marriage when they first met for fear of influencing her into a negative response. She could understand that. Yet even so, regardless of how she had felt at the beginning, she had adapted, a little voice pointed out in her head—adapted, without even appreciating the fact, to her new position and responsibilities to live a life that was a great deal more demanding but also more interesting than the life she had left behind her in England.
Paradoxically it had wounded Ruby to hear her husband admit that he too had felt trapped when he had learned that he had to marry her. It was a case of very bad timing to learn that truth at the same time as she told him she had already conceived his child. But perhaps once again she was being unfair to him, Ruby reasoned uncertainly, reluctant to come over all dramatic like his first love. After all, how much enthusiasm could she reasonably expect from him? A baby with a woman he didn’t love could only feel like another chain to bind him even though he had already agreed to take on Leyla.
Raja sank down on the side of the bed and reached for her hand. ‘We will have two children. We will be a family before we have learned how to be a couple.’
‘Not how you would have planned it?’ Ruby prompted.
‘When it comes to us nothing seems to go as planned and who is to say that what we have now is not all the better for that?’ Expression reflective, he sounded more as if he was trying to convince her of that possibility than himself. ‘I’m accustomed to change and I will handle this, but you have already had so many challenges to overcome in so short a space of time. This is a tough time for you to fall pregnant.’
Ruby was bewildered. ‘I—’
‘Naturally I feel guilty. I should have been more careful with you,’ Raja breathed curtly. ‘You have enough to deal with right now without this added responsibility.’
‘You still haven’t told me how you feel about the baby. Don’t you want it?’ Ruby queried anxiously.
Raja dealt her an astonished appraisal. ‘Of course I want my own child, but not at the cost of your health and emotional well-being.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ Ruby was disappointed that he had said nothing more personal. ‘But most of those fancy clothes you bought me aren’t likely to fit in a few months.’
‘Not a problem. I like buying you things,’ Raja volunteered, his thumb rubbing gently over the pulse in her narrow wrist. ‘I want you to spend the next couple of days just acclimatising and catching up on your rest.’
Ruby
