“I’m taking charge and you’ll do what I say. No argument.” A nice bully says, “I’m taking charge and I’m going to protect you, whatever you say, and woe betide anyone who tries to stop me. Even you.”’
‘Yes,’ Freya murmured. ‘Oh, yes....’
A scene was playing out in her memory. Suddenly she was back in the time when she’d first discovered why Dan had fled and Jackson had concealed the worst facts from her. She’d flown at him in fury and he’d tried to defend himself, pleading, ‘You’re saying I was wrong to try protect you from more pain? I failed, but I still think I was right to try.’
‘You’re so sure you know best,’ she’d raged.
‘That’s why people do things. Because they think it’s right.’
He’d taken the blame for Dan’s behaviour as few men would have done. She’d attacked him, despised him, frozen him out, and he’d endured it all as the price of protecting her. When she’d relented just a little he’d offered her his love.
Was this man a bully?
Or a guardian angel?
Or both?
Another memory returned: Larry telling her about the fight Jackson had had with a production company. He’d won, but at the cost of his job, which was how he’d come to work for Dan. Nobody knew the details, but it was spoken of as proof of Jackson’s toughness, his determination to impose his own will.
‘But it was this,’ she murmured. ‘Protecting a baby seal. Who would believe it? Except me. I’d believe it, because he protected me.’
She’d accused him of being driven only by guilt, and he’d never denied that he was troubled about the part he’d played. But there was more. He was a man who reached out to creatures in pain because he yearned to be needed. And perhaps some of that need was rooted in the unhappy childhood about which he’d confided in her and no one else.
She had struggled to understand him and thought she’d succeeded. But she had failed. If she’d seen as deeply into his heart as she now did she would have drawn closer, perhaps close enough to be the woman he longed for and needed.
She slipped away as soon as possible. Now she needed to be alone—to think about the way the world had changed yet again.
Once in her room she paced back and forth, tormented by the knowledge that what she wanted most in life was slipping away from her—and it was her own doing. Would she ever see Jackson again?
There was a knock on her door. Reluctantly she opened it, ready to drive away whoever dared to intrude on her sadness. Then she gasped.
Stunned, she stared at Jackson, trying to believe what she was seeing. His face was tense, almost haggard. Where was the confident Jackson? Who was this man with an air of hesitancy, almost defeat?
She had a feeling that at an unfriendly word from her he would turn tail and run, and she knew an impulse to reach out and say kindly, It’s all right. I’ll take care of everything.
Instead she said simply, ‘Come in.’
He hesitated, and she guessed the memory of their last meeting was still vivid in his mind. She took his hand and drew him into her room.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I won’t trouble you long. There are things I must say, and then I’ll go and not bother you again. But I beg you to hear me out first.’
‘You don’t have to beg me.’
He answered not in words but with a wry smile that reminded her of all that had happened between them.
‘You don’t,’ she repeated. ‘What can I do for you, Jackson?’
‘I’ve come to do something for you—something I hope will make you glad.’ He drew a long breath. ‘Dan has been in touch with me.’
She waited for the leap of her heart that this news would once have given her. But nothing happened.
‘He wants me to do a few programmes for him,’ Jackson continued.
‘But surely you’re under contract to Larry’s firm?’
‘Partly, but I can still do some freelance projects. I’ve had a couple of meetings with Dan, but they weren’t very productive about work. All he can talk about is you.’
‘Tell him not to worry. I’m not coming after him with a shotgun.’
‘He’s not worried about that. He’s more concerned about coming after you with a wedding ring.’
‘That’s a very bad joke.’
‘It’s not a joke. He keeps bringing the conversation around to you. He’s realised what a big mistake he’s made.’
Freya stepped back and regarded him, trying to read his face. But it was unreadable. Inside herself the reaction to Dan’s name was the same as before. Nothing.
‘I think that’s really why he’s been in touch with me,’ Jackson continued. ‘He wants me to talk to you on his behalf.’
‘Then he’s got a hell of a nerve!’ she said indignantly.
‘Has he? I wonder...’
‘This makes no sense. If Dan wants to talk to me, why doesn’t he just call me?’
‘He’s afraid to. He thinks you’ll slam the phone down on him.’
‘Which I would.’
‘I don’t think so. Not at first anyway. You’d hang on a few minutes for the pleasure of hearing him crawl.’
‘Oh, yes, I’m known for my spite and vindictiveness.’
‘No, just for your ability to stand up to a man and refuse to take any nonsense. I know all about that from my own experience. But Dan doesn’t want to put a foot wrong.’
‘Why not? He’s put everything else wrong.’
‘Yes, I told him that. He understands that he must do this the right way, and I promised to talk to you.’
‘Then you’re mad. I’m not in love with Dan—if I ever was. That’s over—finished. I’ve told you this before.’
‘Yes, you’ve told me this before—again and again. Maybe too often, as if you were trying to convince yourself.’
‘Perhaps in the beginning, but not now.’
That had only been her way of coping. At last she understood the difference between the shallow feelings Dan had inspired and the passionate love that had grown in her for Jackson.
‘Freya, listen to me. I’ve been thinking long and hard about why I never stood a chance of winning your love. And at last I know. I’d always suspected it, but I wouldn’t let myself face it because I couldn’t bear to. The fact is that you’ve never stopped loving Dan.’
‘Please—’
