it. But he needed to get back on reasonable terms with her before he dropped that particular bombshell. ‘I’m sorry. I did warn you I’d mess up on the control freakery stuff.’
‘I guess. And maybe I need to cut you some slack, too—but how would you feel if I suggested you cut back on your shifts, just because you’ll have a baby in seven months’ time?’
He nodded. ‘I get it.’
She rubbed her stomach reflectively. ‘So is there a new girlfriend who might not be very happy to hear the news?’
‘No, there isn’t.’ And the question stung. ‘Do you really think I’m that shallow?’
‘No, but you never seem to date anyone for long.’
‘Strictly speaking, I didn’t actually date you,’ he pointed out. ‘We both got carried away, that night.’
‘I guess.’ She paused. ‘So why do you avoid proper relationships?’
Something else he didn’t want to discuss. ‘Let’s just say I’ve been a bit burned in the past.’
‘And you’re still brooding over it enough not to give someone else a chance? She must’ve hurt you a lot.’
‘Yes. She did,’ he admitted.
‘I’m sorry that you got hurt. But I’m nothing like the usual women you date.’
‘Usual?’
She grimaced. ‘I haven’t been gossiping about you. But the hospital grapevine says you pick women who look like models, women from a much posher background than mine.’
He stared at her. ‘You think I’m a snob?’
‘No. You treat all our mums the same, whether they’re ordinary women or royalty or celebs,’ she said. ‘I guess what I’m saying is I’m me, so don’t go thinking I’ll be like her.’
‘You’re not like her.’ He trusted Ella, for a start. Professionally. But letting her into his heart would take a lot longer. Justine had left him with a lot of baggage.
Though he really didn’t want to talk to Ella about Justine right now. Especially given their circumstances. How did you tell someone who was expecting your baby that you’d been here before—but the baby hadn’t been yours? She’d start reading all kinds of things into that and what he might be thinking now, and he was having a hard time explaining it to himself; he certainly couldn’t explain his feelings to her. Wanting to change the subject, he asked, ‘What about you?’
Her eyes widened. ‘You seriously think I’d date someone else when I’m pregnant with your baby?’
He winced. ‘That sounds bad. I mean... You only just found out about the baby. You might’ve met someone between Hallowe’en and now.’
‘No. There isn’t anyone.’
‘OK.’
And actually the hospital grapevine said she didn’t date. Ella was dedicated to her work. Oliver assumed that someone had hurt her badly in the past and she didn’t trust love any more, the same way that he didn’t trust love. But he could hardly grill her about it. That would be intrusive; besides, right now their relationship was so fragile he didn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing and making it worse. ‘Have you told your parents?’ he asked.
‘Not yet. I think I’d prefer to do that face to face—video-calling isn’t good enough for news like this,’ she said. ‘I’m going home for two days at Christmas. I’ll tell them then.’
‘How do you think they’ll take it?’
* * *
With sheer disbelief, Ella thought. Her parents knew the situation with her endometriosis and the ruptured cyst. They’d resigned themselves to never having grandchildren, though she’d seen the wistfulness in her mum’s eyes every time one of her sisters became a grandmother again. Not that she wanted to discuss any of that with Oliver. Not right now. Because if he knew about her medical issues from the past, he’d try even harder to wrap her in cotton wool and it would drive her crazy.
‘They’ll be supportive,’ she said. She knew that without having to ask. They might be shocked, but they’d definitely be supportive. ‘How about yours?’
‘It’s complicated,’ he said.
Another stonewall. Oliver had been hurt by someone in the past and his family situation was complicated. Did that mean maybe his ex had dumped him for his brother, or something? Did he even have a brother or a sister? But, even if she asked him straight out, she knew he’d evade the subject. ‘You don’t give anything away, do you?’
‘I...’ He blew out a breath. ‘I’m making a mess of this.’
‘Yes, you are,’ she said. ‘It’s always better to be honest.’ Which was pretty hypocritical of her, considering what she was keeping from him.
He raked a hand through his hair. ‘Ella, right now all that matters to me is you and the baby.’
Why couldn’t she let herself believe him?
When she didn’t say anything, he sighed. ‘I’d really like to be there at the scan. But it’s your call.’
That was quite a capitulation—and one that clearly hadn’t come easily to him. He was used to being in charge at work, so of course he was going to be bossy outside work as well. And maybe she had overreacted a bit. Maybe he really had meant to be helpful and trying to look after her, rather than making her feel stupid. But she didn’t want to whine about her dyslexia. Plenty of people had more to deal with than she did.
Maybe she should capitulate a bit, too. ‘I’ll let you know when I’ve seen my doctor and got a date through,’ she said.
‘Thank you.’ He finished his tea. ‘I guess I should let you have the rest of your afternoon in peace. But call me if you need anything, OK? And I’m not trying to be bossy. I’m trying to be supportive.’
‘Uh-huh.’
When she’d shown him out, she tidied up and washed up the mugs. She had absolutely no idea how this was going to work out. Oliver was clearly intending to do the right thing and stand by her—but she didn’t want him to be with her out of duty. She wanted him there because he wanted to be there.
He hadn’t said a word about his feelings. He hadn’t asked her about hers, either. Which was just as well, because she was all mixed up. The attraction she’d felt towards him hadn’t gone away, but she was pretty sure it was one-sided. She didn’t want him to pity her for mooning about over him, so she’d been sharper towards him than normal. But then again, if it was that easy to push him away, he clearly didn’t want to be with her in the first place.
‘It’ll work out,’ she said quietly, cradling her abdomen protectively with one hand. ‘If the worst comes to the worst, I’ll go back home to my family in Ireland. But one thing I promise you, baby: even though you weren’t planned, you’ll always, always be loved. And if you’re a girl I’m going to call you Joy, because that’s what you are to me.’
