tired that I’m crying.’ She took a big breath and told him the embarrassing truth. ‘I’m terrified of needles and Jasmine has been the one giving the injections to me. I’m due for one at six. I’m going to ring the clinic and see if they can give it to me, but I’m not sure what time they close, and then there’s tomorrow …’
Ethan sat her down. ‘Surely one of the nurses can give it to you?’ Ethan suggested, but realised that, of course, she didn’t want anyone to know she was on IVF. ‘I can give you your injections.’
‘God, no.’ Penny shook her head. ‘I’m not just a little bit scared of needles. I get in a right state sometimes—even worse than I am now.’
‘Can’t your partner come in?’ Ethan asked, because Carl had given Kate hers. ‘Surely he’d—’
‘I don’t have a partner. I’m doing this by myself.’
‘You’re doing this on your own?’
‘Yes.’
‘You mean you’d choose …’ As Penny looked at him sharply, luckily Ethan had the good sense to stop talking. He just couldn’t really believe someone would choose to be a parent, let alone a single one—babies really weren’t his forte. But, whatever his thoughts on the subject were, they really weren’t relevant here. Penny wasn’t asking for his opinion, just some help with logistics. Instead, he asked where the clinic was and then looked at his watch.
‘You really do need to get going if you’re going to have a hope of making it there, but if the travelling gets too much, any time you need me to give you an injection, I’m more than happy to.’
‘I don’t think you realise how bad I am with needles.’
‘There’s a straitjacket in the lock-up room,’ Ethan said. And he wasn’t joking, there was a straitjacket in the lock-up room and he knew exactly how petrified some people were of needles. ‘I do know how to give an injection to someone who doesn’t want one, Penny. I tend to do it quite a lot.’ He gave her a smile but she shook her head.
‘I’ll sort something out.’
‘Go, then,’ Ethan said. ‘And thank you for today.’
Of course, it wasn’t quite so straightforward as simply leaving the department and getting to her car. Three people stopped Penny on her way to her office, which she had to go to, because that’s where her bag and keys were, and also her medication.
Penny dashed to her car and pulled out of the car park, ringing the IVF nurse as she did so and being put straight on hold.
Penny hit the beach road and it wasn’t five in the morning, it was nearly five p.m., so the traffic was bumper to bumper. Ringing off, she turned the car round—it took fifteen minutes just to get back to work.
‘I thought you’d be back.’ Ethan smiled.
‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ She just had to let him know what he was getting into. ‘I need these every night at six. I don’t know how long Jasmine is going to be gone and we don’t always work the same shifts.’
‘I know I’m lousy at commitment, Penny,’ Ethan said. ‘But I think I can manage this. I can come into work if I’m not on, or you can come into me, or we can meet in a bar and go into a quiet corner.’ He almost made her smile.
‘From the noises I make they’d think you were attacking me!’ Penny said. ‘I’m not just a little bit scared of needles—I try not to, but sometimes I start crying. I just lose it.’
‘It’s fine.’ He was annoyingly calm.
‘I don’t think you understand. You will not calm me down and even if I say no, I don’t want it, you have to ignore me. Just undo my skirt and stick it in.’
‘I’m not even going to try to respond to that.’ Ethan saw the flush spread on her cheeks and he met her eyes with a smile. ‘Go and get something to eat and sit down for a while and then remind me closer to six.’
Penny tapped him on the shoulder at five to six.
‘Could I have a word in my office, please, Ethan?’
‘Of course.’
‘I need you for a moment, Penny,’ Lisa called as they walked past.
‘It will have to keep.’ Ethan’s voice was gruff. ‘Only buzz me if something urgent comes in. I need to speak with Penny.’
‘It sounds as if I’m about to be told off.’
‘Exactly,’ Ethan said. ‘So we shan’t be disturbed.’
They walked into her office where Penny had things all set up and, she noted, he actually thought to lock the door. ‘Is this what you were doing when I knocked for you to come for a drink with Gordon?’
Penny nodded.
‘You really never know what goes on behind closed doors.’ He gave her a smile and then, ever the doctor, he checked the vials and the use-by dates.
‘I’ve already checked everything.’
‘Good for you,’ Ethan said, refusing to be rushed and taking the time to make sure, but it was all too much for Penny. It was bad enough that she was having a needle, but with Jasmine gone and everything it was just a whole lot worse. Seeing Ethan pick up the syringe, Penny started to cry, and not as she had before. This was, Ethan realised, the sound of real fear.
‘Okay.’ He kept his voice practical, he was just going to go in and get this over and done with.
‘No!’ Penny shouted. She had worked herself up to try and stay calm. She could think of nothing worse then Ethan seeing her in such a terrible state and having to face him again, but her resolve had completely broken when she’d seen him pick up the injection. The last thing on Penny’s mind was the result and the possibility of a baby; she just wanted to get out of there.
‘No.’ She said it again as he walked over with the kidney dish. ‘Ethan, no, I’ve changed my mind.’
‘Tough.’
Even as Penny said no, she was trying to undo her skirt and failing, and then when Ethan stepped in she tried to brush off his hands but failed at that too.
‘Ethan, please!’ Penny was doing her best not to sob and make a complete fool of herself. He put the kidney dish down on the desk behind her, his hands finding the side zip of her skirt. He pushed her against the desk and held her in place with one hip as he pulled her skirt down a little bit and reached for the alcohol swab on the desk behind him. Then Ethan turned her, resisting and crying, around and she felt the coldness of the alcohol on the top of her buttock. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ Penny shouted. ‘It’s sub-cut, you idiot …’
He turned her quickly to face him and before she even knew it, Ethan had swabbed her stomach and the needle was in.
‘I know.’ Ethan smiled, massaging the injection site with one hand as he threw the needle into the kidney dish with the other. ‘That’s called a distraction technique, in case you were wondering.’
