one ever knows what the future holds.’ Ethan refused to turn Phil into a saint and even if his aunt and uncle were grieving, it didn’t suddenly make them infallible. ‘I love Jack and Vera and I loved Phil, but the fact is that some of this mess is of their own making,’ Ethan said. ‘See now why I’m staying out of it?’
Kate nodded and looked at her rarely angry brother and was positive something else was eating him. ‘Is there anything else going on?’
They were close, they were twins and they spoke a lot, but Ethan had only once before said what he was about to. ‘I like someone.’
Kate saw his grim face. ‘Married?’ she groaned.
‘No.’
‘How long have you known her?’
‘Since I started my new job, well, just after. She was having a couple of weeks off.’
‘What’s she like?’
‘Moody, angry, funny, single …’
‘Kids?’ Kate checked, because there had to be a ‘but’.
‘Pregnant.’ He looked at his sister. ‘Only just.’
‘Ethan!’ Kate couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice, but she didn’t get carried away when she saw his face. ‘I know you said it’s not for you, but—’
‘The baby’s not mine!’ Ethan quickly interrupted. ‘Penny’s on IVF. She’s determined to be a single mum, she’d already started her treatment when we met.’
‘Oh, Ethan.’
‘I was giving her the shots.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she’s petrified of needles and I didn’t fancy her then, or maybe I did.’ He shook his head. ‘Kate, I don’t even think I want kids, you know it broke Caitlin and I up. But even if I could somehow wrap my head around that, I mean even if I’d met Penny and she already had a child …’ He pulled a face. ‘I don’t know, Kate. I can’t walk around watching her get bigger with someone else’s child.’
‘Ethan,’ Kate said. ‘You know Carl and I were both having problems.’ She was very careful not to say too much, but he knew that they had both been having problems, that all three of their children were Carl’s in everything but genes.
‘I get that,’ Ethan said. ‘But I bet Carl took a bit of time to get his head around it, and I bet he said a few things while he did that he wished he could take back now.’
And Kate stayed silent, because her brother was right—it had taken a lot of talking and a lot of soul searching before Carl had come round. ‘And that was with two people who both desperately wanted kids and I don’t even know that I do. I just walked in on the end of Penny’s decision and I’m supposed to be fine with it? Well, I’m not and I’ll tell you this much. I can’t even …’ He shut his mouth. He wasn’t going to discuss everything with his sister and he couldn’t explain properly, even to himself, the strange possessiveness that had gripped him when he’d almost slept with Penny.
‘What do you want, Ethan?’
‘Penny,’ Ethan said. ‘But I want time with Penny. I want to get to know her some more, it’s still early days. I don’t want to start something with someone who has a baby on board and be the one holding the sick back when I didn’t cause it.’ He looked at his sister. ‘Selfish?’
‘Honest.’
‘And I’m angry too.’
‘Why?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Ethan?’
‘It really doesn’t matter,’ Ethan said, even though he hated it when others did that. ‘Because it’s not relevant now.’
They couldn’t carry on talking as they were being called for. The engines were still and he stood there as Phil’s ashes were scattered. He looked at his aunt and uncle, who had been so strong at the funeral, celebrating his life, weep as the wind carried away the last thing they could do for him.
Only it wasn’t just Phil that Ethan was thinking about as they stood in silence on deck. He wanted Penny to be happy, he was pleased for her, just terribly disappointed for them. Maybe he could do it, maybe he would wrap his head around it in a few months’ time, but he felt as if there were a gun to it now and he looked at the ashes sinking into the waves and he was crying.
Not a lot and he didn’t stand out, there wasn’t a dry eye on board. He had every reason to be choked up, but he was, Kate knew, shedding a tear for other reasons too.
Penny didn’t mind working nights, and she was actually glad that Ethan was on leave because she just wanted a pause to sort out how she felt about him. She wanted the hormones to calm down so she could look at things a bit more objectively. Not that she’d had even a moment to think about Ethan tonight; the place had been busy from the start of her shift and she was trying to put an NG tube down a very restless patient.
‘Come on, Mia, swallow,’ Penny said. ‘You need this.’
‘I don’t want the tube.’
‘Then you have to drink the charcoal.’
Mia had taken an overdose and to stop the tablets from being absorbed further, she had to be given a large drink of activated charcoal. It looked terrible, it was black and chalky, but as Penny and Vanessa had told the patient over and over, it actually didn’t taste too bad. It was all to no avail, though—despite a lot of coaxing they’d only managed to get half the liquid into Mia.
‘If you can let me put this tube down your nose and into your stomach, we can put the rest of it down and you won’t have to taste it,’ Penny said, ‘and then you can have a rest, but it’s imperative that you have the charcoal.’
‘I can’t.’ The poor girl was upset already—after a huge row at her boyfriend Rory’s house she’d stupidly swallowed some pills and when she’d got home her parents had thought she’d been drinking. When Mia had finally admitted what she had done, before calling the ambulance, there had been another row for Mia with her parents shouting at her, even as the paramedics arrived.
They’d started shouting again when Rory had arrived at the hospital, when most of all Mia needed calm, and Penny was doing her best to ensure that Mia got it, but first she had to get the charcoal in.
‘Do you want Rory to come in?’ Penny suggested. ‘He offered before.’
Mia nodded and Penny called the young man in. At eighteen Rory was very mature and he held both Mia’s hands as Penny got ready to have another go at putting the tube down.
‘Big breath,’ Penny said, ‘and then start to swallow when the tube hits the back of your throat.’
Except she didn’t swallow. Instead, Mia vomited all over Penny’s gown, so much so that it soaked through to her clothing.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Penny said
