degree—and they’d flash through his mind. If nothing else, memories goaded him to find a different way to leave the world a better place. Problem was, he hadn’t found that way yet.
Maybe that was because he felt like he’d been through an emotional blender. He hadn’t expected such an abrupt end to his career, although he was no fool and had known it was possible. If he’d expected anything, it was that he’d come home in a bag or box. He’d been wounded before and had recovered. So, idiotic or not, he hadn’t exactly planned for an abrupt shift into civilian life. Truthfully, he admitted to himself, in his job neither he nor anyone else looked that far down the road. It was dangerous. You had to live for the mission and then for the next mission, and keep your focus tight.
Then, boom, every parameter of your life changed. You went from fitting perfectly into a machine to fitting nowhere at all.
Interesting, really. A different kind of challenge, one he hadn’t been up to so far.
But he supposed it was hard to go from a tight focus, where damn near every moment had been directed, to one where nothing was directed. It was like going from narrow tunnel vision to full vision. It was certainly a different way of existing.
He dozed occasionally, but sleep was fitful, more as if he was in a dangerous situation than completely safe in a house in a nice little town. It was okay, though. He’d learned to get a whole lot out of catnaps, just as he’d learned to take one whenever he got the opportunity.
He’d be fine in the morning.
And maybe he’d go over and offer his assistance to Allison. Sampling for a poison that dangerous didn’t seem like something she should do alone.
Maybe it was time he reached out to someone. Just one person. It would be a big step out of the shadows that dogged him still.
* * *
Allison blinked in astonishment as she looked up from loading her sample case into the back of her car and saw Jerrod Marquette crunching through the snow toward her. A cup of coffee and suddenly he was no longer a loner? Uneasiness trickled through her.
She gave herself a mental shake, telling herself not to be ridiculous. If he’d moved in two days ago, she wouldn’t even question his approach. He was a guy with a shell, as she had seen last night, but he’d done not one untoward thing.
“Good morning,” he said as he reached her.
“It’s certainly a beautiful one. Cold, though.” Her breath was visible as she spoke, and she was grateful for her one-piece snowmobile suit. How much nicer if the weather hadn’t gone crazy or she could just let this ride until the unusual cold passed. But the toxin couldn’t wait.
“I was thinking how dangerous it might be for you to hunt this toxin all by yourself. Is someone going with you?”
She bridled. “I know what I’m doing.”
“I’m sure you do. But if something goes wrong... Do cell phones even work when you get out of town very far?”
“Intermittently,” she acknowledged. “Ranches are spread so far apart that it doesn’t seem worth the cost to put in a lot of towers. But the lines of sight are good until you get into the woods and mountains, so...intermittent.”
Reluctantly, however, she admitted he was making a good point. She’d been thinking in terms of wandering ranch land, shoveling away a little snow and drilling contained cores of about six inches of dirt. No big deal. But he was also right about being out there alone. Any accident could cause serious trouble if she had no way to call someone.
“I guess I need to get a radio,” she said finally. “To call the sheriff if I need help.”
“Good idea. Can you get one this morning?”
“I doubt it. I don’t know how long it will take, and while we’re standing here that toxin could be spreading.”
“Okay, then, how about I tag along? I’ll bring my own truck if you would be more comfortable, but if you twist an ankle or something, I can be there.”
She studied him, thinking he didn’t look quite so much like a devil in the bright morning light. But every bit as attractive, even bundled up as he was.
“Are you a born caretaker or something?” she asked.
“Not exactly. Or possibly. What I know is, I almost never went on a dangerous mission alone. The smallest team I ever went out with was three. The average was six.”
“Backup?”
“And rescue.”
“Dang,” she said. Mostly because he was right and she should have thought of it herself, persuaded one of her students to go along or something. No, she’d just been hot to trot to get those samples. “You know, I have to talk to the ranchers before I go out on their lands. They’ll know where I am.”
“Okay, then. Stay safe.” He turned and started to walk away. For the first time it occurred to her that he might need something to do himself. Everything about him seemed to be at loose ends, though she couldn’t exactly say why she sensed that.
“Jerrod, wait. I’d appreciate the company.”
He turned back, nodding shortly and giving her a small smile. “You’ve got it.”
But she made him take his own truck. She was not ready to get all cozy with this guy, no matter how much her hormones awoke when he was around. Even though her conscience did twinge when she considered the waste of gas and the pollution of unnecessarily taking two vehicles.
No, she thought as she backed out of the driveway, this was the wisest decision. If he got bored, he could leave. She wouldn’t feel pressured by him being stuck with her. And she’d have her own escape route if she needed it.
She wasn’t ready to trust yet. No way.
But thinking about Jerrod as she drove out to the Madison ranch where the initial incident had occurred, she wondered if she was being too distrusting. Yes, she had little to go on, and how could she be sure he really was ex-military? How could she be sure he hadn’t spoken a pack of lies to her?
But she’d met a few con men, and as a rule they were smooth, charming talkers. He hadn’t tried any smooth talk at all. Quite the contrary, he hadn’t done a damn thing to win her over. Instead, he had struck her as a box full of tightly locked secrets. Everything about him screamed, “Watch out!”
Hardly the way to put anyone’s fears to rest.
So she laughed off her doubts about him. Military vet, probably still struggling to make his way back to this life after one so very different. There were more than a few around this county. The adjustment to coming home always seemed far harder than the adjustment of arriving in a strange land. She’d even heard that from people who traveled for long periods of time.
She wondered if anyone had studied that adjustment issue. It seemed odd, but hadn’t she read that Peace Corps volunteers also had reentry problems? She seemed to remember she had.
By the time she reached Jake Madison’s place, she thought she had settled the issue, in her own mind, anyway. Until given some evidence that Jerrod wasn’t
