to mention that the inn was a fairly sordid place when I took ownership. Don’t forget that.’
Donatus grimaced. ‘How could I? I got the dubious honour of painting over that disgusting mural on the atrium wall.’
Lucan laughed. ‘Can you imagine if Lelia had seen that? Or Severina, who once told me her skin crawled just knowing the place had once been a brothel? She might have refused to take it at all if she’d seen that mural and its lurid contents. But wouldn’t it be nice if all men were as well endowed as those in the paintings?’
‘Yes, and all women as well.’ Donatus laughed softly. He took another bite of his food. ‘The place looks vastly different now.’
‘Yes, it’s stunning. Few inns can match it in either opulence or comfort. Severina has a rare gift.’
‘No wonder the censor wants it.’
‘I’m not totally convinced he wants it,’ Lucan said quietly. ‘But he knows the one who does. So maybe he’s doing the dirty work in a way that won’t be questioned for somebody who’s paying him under the table. But who? It could be anybody.’
Both men were silent for a while, chewing their food and washing it down with beer. ‘So what are we going to do?’ Donatus said finally. ‘The inn’s not lost yet. We have some options. No good ones, but options none the less.’
Lucan drew in a deep breath.
He’d thought of one option that was a good one. One way that would absolutely work, without question, without challenge.
‘I’ll give you money,’ Donatus said. ‘There’ll be lawyers to pay for, and they cost—’
‘No.’
‘Look, I know you’ve got your pride. But if you can buy off that greedy bastard to give Severina a chance at a decent future, then—’
‘I don’t need your money, Donatus. I have my own. And besides that, there’s an even better way.’
Donatus eyed him suspiciously. ‘You won’t do something foolish, will you? The man does surely deserve a dire fate, but I don’t want to see you in gaol because of garbage like him.’
Lucan pushed away his now-empty plate. ‘I’m not going to gaol. I’m going to marry Severina.’
Donatus stared at Lucan incredulously for a moment, then laughed. ‘That’s perfect,’ he said. ‘The censor couldn’t do anything to either of you then. Not one damned thing.’
‘No.’
‘But sweet gods above…How are you going to talk Severina into that?’
Lucan met his friend’s half-amused, half-worried gaze. ‘That’s the part I haven’t worked out yet.’
Donatus looked up at the ceiling, studying its dark beams for a moment with a curiously gentle smile on his lips. He shook his head as he took up his beer. ‘Lucan, I’ve been your friend for a long time. I’ve ridden with you and wielded a sword with you and suffered through fevers with you. I’d probably even march through the land of the dead with you. But if you’re truly serious about marrying Severina, then…’ he gulped down a big swallow and set his goblet down with a thump ‘…this time, you’re on your own.’
Lucan nodded, knowing he’d never faced a more serious challenge. He’d never been more likely to come out wounded and battered. But…hell. The risk would be worth it if he succeeded.
And Lucan fully intended to succeed.
The afternoon shadows were lengthening by the time Lucan made his way home through a city bustling with life. He wended through the vendors of the Forum Holitorium, only half-aware of the chaos all around him because of the chaos within.
He’d made a hasty decision and spoken it aloud to Donatus before he’d thought.
It seemed the right thing at the time; Lucan was rarely ambivalent. He’d learned in battle to follow his instincts to clear, decisive action. Warriors who were too careful often missed the advantage of the moment, and losing an advantage meant losing lives.
But Lucan was no longer on a battlefield where men with weapons faced others in a straightforward and fair fight.
Love was anything but a straightforward and fair fight, and he now questioned whether he’d been momentarily insane to consider marriage with Severina.
Did he still love her, then?
No. Her rejection had gone bone-deep.
His love had not been shallow or self-serving. At the time, he’d believed it strong enough to withstand a lifetime of challenges, changes, joys and griefs.
But deep hurt seared emotion like a heated brand seared nerves and flesh, and so it had been for him. He was no longer angry. He didn’t want to retaliate or hurt Severina in return.
He’d like to say that he felt nothing, but that wasn’t true. He felt sadness. A lingering, bittersweet melancholy, as when summer gave way to autumn or a brave adversary fell in battle.
Yes, he felt sadness. Even in his dreams, he sometimes still mourned Severina’s loss.
Surprisingly, he’d dreamed of her often in recent weeks, usually following an evening in another woman’s company. That had startled him, made him uneasy, pierced him with guilt.
Until he admitted the truth. His desire for Severina still lived, perhaps the one emotion untouched by everything painful between them.
The lust didn’t actually surprise him. In another time, lust had been his most practised, most cherished sin.
To think of Severina without desire was impossible. He’d loved her and he’d wanted her. The two emotions had naturally gone together. He hadn’t consummated the desire for reasons he deemed important at the time, but the urge had been intense just the same.
Now maybe love had died, but the lust remained, as strong and pure as ever, mocking him with what he’d never taken, tormenting him with questions he couldn’t answer. What would it have been like to sheath himself in Severina? What was her most intimate smell…her taste? How would she have sounded at the pinnacle of passion, her cries mingling with his own rasping breath?
If he married her, he might yet know those answers. But lust by itself wasn’t a good reason to marry someone.
As for himself, he was now thirty years old. It was time he settled down, became domestic, sired children. But even now he couldn’t imagine himself in such a life with anyone but Severina.
He’d prefer that his wife love him, but marriage without love happened all the time to men of his class. His father, bearing down on him with all the authority of the pater familias, had mentioned several times the possibility of an arranged marriage in Lucan’s near future.
By marrying Severina, perhaps he’d satisfy everyone. He’d make his parents happy with heirs to secure his family’s holdings. He’d have a wife of his own choosing.
All afternoon long he waited for the cool of
