thoughts of her own failings with him.
Perhaps Rob was going through something similar, taking the blame for events most probably beyond his control. She’d only recently begun working free of that guilt trap herself. That was why this job meant so much to her. Although she’d ultimately flunked the wife exam, she could still be a success in other areas of her life. It had taken a long time for her to come to terms with that.
It was possible she’d found a kindred spirit who’d also channelled all of his energy into his career rather than risk the heartache of another relationship. The thought comforted her even though the renewed awkwardness between them was palpable, since Rob didn’t seem inclined to even switch the radio on. Jessica didn’t dare defy him any further by doing it herself.
The heavy atmosphere in the car only began to lift when the familiar glass building came into sight. Most likely he was as eager to get to work as she was and check his personal baggage at the hospital door. There was nothing like deadlines and adrenaline to clear the head first thing in the morning.
Jessica unclipped her seat belt and reached for the door handle. ‘Thanks for the lift. I’ll jump out here.’
While Rob waited for the barrier to open at the entrance to the staff car park, Jessica made a swift exit from the vehicle to give him some time out. Maybe if he had some space from her for a few minutes he could forget she’d done the one thing she’d promised not to do. Privacy was his keyword and she’d tried to swerve his to satisfy her own agenda. Since he was the lead here it was going to take an extra effort to convince him she wasn’t Satan’s daughter recording peoples’ suffering for kicks. He was the first man since Adam whom she wanted to know there was a soft heart beneath her crisp, ruthless producer shell.
‘Did I see you arrive with Jessica this morning?’ Maria interrupted Rob’s thoughts as he flicked through his schedule for the day.
‘My good deed for the day. Don’t read anything into it.’ He warned her off before she started her matchmaking mischief again. Ever since coming here he’d had to endure her futile attempts to see him settled down again.
He was sure Maria meant well but he needed a break from awkward dinner dates and disappointment. He didn’t want to forget. Grief, Leah and Mollie were all part of him. He didn’t want to move on and pretend that the best and worst things in his life had never happened. His wife and daughter deserved to be remembered and he deserved to live with the guilt of what had happened for the rest of his life.
Luckily for Maria, he could never get cross with her when she’d been his lifeline in a sea of despair. They’d immediately bonded over their shared devotion to their patients when he’d first started here. He hadn’t told her, or any of his colleagues, about the accident even though it was clear he was on his own. He didn’t want anyone to see him as anything other than a leader of his field. It was in everyone’s best interests that he remained the strong stalwart during the hardships they faced here and not simply another grieving parent. Although it didn’t stop her from setting him up with the nearest available spinster at every given opportunity.
‘Why not? She’s young, single, attractive …’
And definitely not the settling-down type. The ideal
‘I don’t dispute the facts but you forgot to mention nosy and incredibly frustrating.’ He’d known her only five minutes and she’d already unearthed more about his personal life than most of his colleagues were privy to. He wasn’t in a hurry to share any more.
‘Ah, she’s got under your skin already.’ Maria nodded with a knowing Rob-baiting smile.
‘Not at all.’ She was most definitely under his skin, to the point of irritation, but he didn’t want Maria encouraging Jessica’s interest, or vice versa. The last thing he needed was another concerned female hell-bent on getting him to dig deep into his emotion bank. That sucker was closed tight, hermetically sealed, weighted down and buried at the bottom of the River Lagan.
‘I had several meetings with her in the lead-up to filming. She’s no wallflower, that’s for sure. Definitely not afraid to voice her opinion or ask difficult questions. Is that what you’re afraid of?’ Maria cocked an eyebrow at him. She knew him too well.
‘I’m not averse to a strong-minded woman, as you very well know.’ He gave her a flirty wink and hoped it was enough to end the conversation.
Instead, Maria rested her hand gently on top of Rob’s in that sympathetic way that always made him want to push her away. He’d moved to Belfast to escape the pity party, not find himself as the guest of honour at another one. ‘Don’t give up on love. The right person is out there for you somewhere.’
Every time Rob heard those words he imagined a saxophone and some electric guitar playing him his very own power ballad. All he needed was a fog machine and a mullet and he’d be the epitome of eighties angst. He’d had the right person and she was gone. Nothing could change that.
Lucky for him he was in a busy hospital ward and not the dingy bedroom of his teenage self, so there was nowhere for him to sit and wail over the girl he’d lost.
Jessica’s head was pounding and her stomach begging for something more substantial than the two headache tablets she’d consumed. She’d missed breakfast this morning and ended up skipping lunch in favour of a particularly fraught meeting with the director over content. He wanted more footage of Rob outside of his hospital role so that viewers were able to relate to him on a personal level as well as a professional one. That was akin to asking her to produce footage of the Loch Ness monster.
On top of that, she wasn’t relishing the turn today’s filming was about to take. It was going to be a tough one for all involved. She’d spoken to the family concerned to ensure they were ready to tell their daughter Lauren’s story on camera and she was aware there would be no happy ending to this tale. Unfortunately, palliative care was part of cancer and it didn’t discriminate against age. The treatment might help to make the patient more comfortable in the short-term but it wouldn’t cure the illness.
Jessica didn’t have to have children of her own to understand how incredibly distressing this would be. The professional producer in her agreed with the director that they had to include light and shade if they were going to chart the reality of the department. Her heart, however, wanted her to avoid any further reminder of cancer’s destructive nature. This was a child, a baby, who’d been denied a second chance at life. In the end, it was the family who’d made the final decision to go ahead. They were keen to highlight Lauren’s condition in the hope that a cure would be found some day. Jessica would simply have to try to remain emotionally detached from the subject. Easier said than done.
She massaged her temples as that heavy pressure seemed to bore down further inside her skull. The smell of coffee and cake hit her as she walked through the entrance hall on her way to meet the camera crew and she saw a few of the parents had set up a stall in the main foyer selling tray bakes and goodies to add to the scanner coffers. There were several tables and chairs dotted around for visitors and staff to take a timeout along with their treats.
Rob was there, talking and laughing with the mums with a box full of home-baked goodies in his hands. He really went above and beyond the call of duty for his patients and their families. The TV business wasn’t exactly a breeding ground for that kind of altruism and Jessica found it refreshing. It was a pity she’d been such a cow to him this morning by prying into his private life. He was a nice
