he didn’t even like me. See how insecure I am? It’s ridiculous.
‘How are you feeling?’ I asked lightly.
‘Good. You?’
‘Great. Fine. Peachy.’ I always go overboard when I’m feeling nervous. I wasn’t sure how to handle the morning-after routine, especially in the context of our relationship. I wasn’t even sure what the context was. I couldn’t have a proper relationship with him while I was pretending to be married, but what was he offering if I came clean? Hadn’t he said he wasn’t interested in anything lasting? He was too busy with other priorities or some other get-out clause he’d used.
He leaned back against his desk in his usual manner. ‘That was the best chicken broth I’ve had in a long while, perhaps ever.’
‘It’s my own secret recipe.’
‘I could tell.’
I wasn’t sure we were talking about chicken broth, especially the way he was looking at me. I tried not to blush but all I could think about was how his body had felt inside mine. ‘So … what did you want to see me about?’
‘I suppose you’ve heard the gossip?’
I chewed at my mouth. ‘Yes.’
‘Any more thoughts on coming clean?’
I crossed my arms over my body. ‘No.’
His eyebrows drew together. ‘Even after last night?’
I affected a casual look, as if I had amazing, mind-blowing sex with men all the time. ‘Why after last night?’
He looked at me in a frowning way. But then he closed off his expression. The screen came up and I was locked out. Something pinched inside my stomach. ‘So you’re still determined to run with this crazy charade,’ he said.
I sent him an intractable look. ‘I’m not ready to have my private life the subject of everyone’s amusement.’
His brow furrowed back into a deep frown. ‘Do you really think people will find it funny that you were jilted?’
I jerked up my chin. ‘You obviously did. Stringing me along for three flipping weeks, asking all those stupid husband and honeymoon questions.’
He let out a whooshing breath. ‘I suppose I deserve that.’ He scraped a hand through his hair again, before dropping his hand back down by his side. ‘Look, I wasn’t really laughing at you. I was amused by the lengths you were going to when all you had to do was tell everyone the truth. People go through break-ups all the time. Relationships either work or they don’t.’
I glared at him again. How absolutely typical to dismiss the emotional turmoil of what a break-up like mine had entailed. Easy come, easy go was obviously his credo. Well, it certainly wasn’t mine. I was the one who’d had to face all those guests. I was the one who’d had to endure all those looks of abject pity. I was the one who was still trying to pick up the pieces of my life.
‘I was twelve hours away from my wedding,’ I said. ‘The wedding day I’d been planning since I was a little girl. I’d been going out with Andy for five and a half years. We’d been engaged for eighteen months. That’s a little different from being dumped after a lousy date or two.’
His expression stilled with seriousness. ‘I know how hard a break-up is. But it’s not as if you were in love with him.’
My eyes rounded in affront. ‘Oh, and you’re suddenly an expert on my feelings, are you? What gives you the right to say such a ridiculous thing? Of course I loved him. I was going to marry him, wasn’t I?’
The look he gave me reminded me of the look a disappointed parent gives to a wilfully disobedient child. It made me angrier than I had any right to be. He had touched on a nerve that was still a little sensitive.
But I wasn’t prepared to admit just how sensitive.
‘If you were still in love with him you would never have come to my place last night,’ he said. ‘You must’ve known what would happen between us, or are you lying to yourself now as well as everyone else?’
Of course he was right. I would never have slept with him if I’d had feelings for another man. But I was confused about my feelings for Matt. They were a jumbled mix I couldn’t make sense of right now. Was I so fickle that I could fall in love so soon after losing Andy?
I paced a couple of steps across the floor, hugging my arms close to my body. ‘I know I’ll have to tell everyone eventually … I just don’t know how to do it without looking completely ridiculous.’
‘Sometimes the anticipation of something is worse than the actual thing itself,’ he said.
I swung back to look at him. ‘So why haven’t you let everyone in on the secret?’
‘It’s not my secret to tell.’
I was used to a lifetime of being teased and exploited, of having my weaknesses and flaws broadcast publicly. The fact he hadn’t breathed a word of my single status to anyone made something warm spill inside my chest. He’d had a perfect opportunity to make an absolute fool out of me and yet he hadn’t done it. Why?
‘Want to tell me what happened?’ he said.
I let out a long breath. ‘I guess, looking back, we’d always had a pretty sketchy sex life. But then I got caught up in the wedding preparations and … well, he got caught up in having an affair with someone more … available.’ I bit my lower lip until it was mostly inside my mouth. I released it, along with a sigh. ‘It was the most embarrassing moment of my life and that’s saying something because I’ve had some doozies.’
He closed the distance between us and stroked a wisp of hair off my face. ‘My ex was having an affair too. To the guy she’s married to now. They’d been friends for years but I didn’t realise how friendly until I called on her one night unexpectedly. Simon answered the door. Not a great moment for either of us. I had to give him credit for coming up with an excuse for why he was standing there in nothing but his boxers.’
‘What did he say?’
‘He was hot.’ His mouth gave a rueful little quirk. ‘But, then, Helena obviously thought so.’
Behind the humour was lingering hurt. I could see it in his eyes. Or was he like me, and the betrayal was more of a wound to his pride and sense of honour? ‘Were you in love with her?’
His mouth twisted again. ‘I thought so at the time.’
‘And now?’
He stroked his thumb over my bottom lip. ‘You read my mother’s note.’
I gave him a sheepish look. ‘I didn’t mean to. It’s just I’m a bit of a speed-reader so I took it in at one glance.’
He leaned down and pressed his mouth to mine in a long, warm kiss that sent my senses into chaos. I reached for him automatically, stroking my fingers through his hair.
I leaned into him, relishing in the familiarity of his touch, the naturalness and
