once again. Unable to deal with the devastating disappointment, Lily had withdrawn into herself, slowly turning into someone he didn’t recognise, and as he hadn’t had a clue how to help her he’d spent more and more time at work, telling himself he needed to do it in order to move on and up, but, more likely, subconsciously wanting to avoid her, the situation and the disintegration of their relationship.
‘Anyway,’ she said, pulling him back, ‘I think the last couple of hours proved that we’ve rediscovered the art.’
They had indeed. Their bodies instinctively recognised each other. Moved together as if they’d never been apart. He remembered what she liked with barely any effort of thought and she remembered what drove him wild.
A gentle gust of wind ruffled her hair and he felt it slide against his fingers like silk. ‘I like this,’ he said.
‘My hair?’
‘It suits you short.’
‘Thank you.’
‘When did you change it?’
‘Years ago.’
‘A new start?’
‘Something like that.’
‘Why did you never remarry, Lily?’
At his question, Lily went still, tensed a little, then relaxed in the kind of way that felt as if it had taken some effort. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said lightly. Too lightly, he thought. ‘Once bitten, twice shy, maybe.’
‘That’s all?’
Where the question had come from Kit had no idea, but now it was out there he was rather interested, rather hoping she’d admit that she’d never truly got over him.
She sighed. ‘No. Not really.’
‘Then why?’
‘I never met anyone.’
‘Seriously?’ He found that rather hard to believe. Lily was gorgeous. Fun. Successful. He’d have thought she’d have been snapped up within weeks. Was very glad she hadn’t.
‘To be more accurate I suppose I never let myself meet anyone,’ she said, twining her fingers through his. ‘At least not anyone I could be properly interested in.’
Kit frowned, unable to work that out. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I guess I always figured a deep and meaningful relationship would put me in a vulnerable position or something. I didn’t—don’t—ever want to be in a situation again which could lead to the kind of pain and heartache and desolation I went through with you. Does that make any sense whatsoever?’
‘More than it should. So what are you saying? You’ve been celibate all these years?’
‘No, of course not,’ she said with a soft laugh that clearly didn’t take into consideration the jealousy lancing through him at the thought of her with other men. ‘I’ve been out with guys. Nice guys. Had flings and things. But none of them involved the earth-moving, mind-shattering, fireworks-and-explosions kind of sex we had. It was more a case of the scratching of an itch. Which suited me just fine at the time.’
‘But not now?’
She turned her head and smiled up at him. ‘What do you think?’
Kit thought that she was never having sex—good or bad—with anyone else ever again.
‘Anyway, what about you?’ she said. ‘Why haven’t you ever remarried? You always did want children and it can’t have been for lack of opportunity.’
‘It wasn’t.’
‘Silly me for asking.’
The trace of jealousy in her voice made him smile. ‘But every relationship I’ve attempted tended to be hampered by the problem you solved on New Year’s Eve.’
‘Your impotence?’
He winced. ‘Ouch. Do you have to?’
‘Sorry,’ she said, not sounding sorry at all. ‘What would you call it?’
‘A temporary psychological problem to do with certain issues relating to intimacy.’
‘Not all that temporary if it went on for five years.’
‘No.’
‘And that sounds like something a therapist would say.’
‘It was.’
Shifting out of his embrace, she sat up and turned round to stare at him, surprise written all over her face. ‘You saw a therapist?’
‘I did.’
‘But it didn’t help?’
‘Nothing did.’
‘That must have been frustrating.’
‘You have no idea.’
‘Well, now you’re cured you can go back and take your pick.’
Kit looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I could,’ he said eventually. ‘But I won’t.’
She went very still, not taking her eyes off him for a second. ‘Oh?’
‘Because this—us—isn’t just sex, is it?’
‘I don’t think so,’ she said, so softly it came out as almost a whisper. ‘I’ve spent the entire last week remembering why I fell in love with you.’
‘Ditto.’
‘And now I think the real reason that I’ve never really had a proper relationship since us is that despite everything I tried to tell myself I never fell out of love with you.’
‘And I think that the problem I had with sex, which I always thought was to do with the guilt I carried at having that one-night stand, was down to the fact that I never fell out of love with you.’
She tilted her head, a faint smile playing at her lips. ‘What a pair we are.’
They could be a formidable pair, thought Kit. A great pair. And if only she gave him the chance to prove it, he’d devote the rest of his life to making up for what he’d done to her and to them. He took a deep breath, his heart hammering so wildly he could feel it banging against his ribs. ‘Lily?’
‘Yes?’
‘What would you say to us trying again?’
* * *
Despite the fact that somewhere in the back of her mind Lily had been expecting something like this, she still had to bite back the ‘yes’ that was trying to tumble out of her mouth, and she still had to clamp down on the urge to throw herself against him and smother him in kisses.
