And EVERYONE knows about SPACE BLASTERS! It’s the very best show in the universe. It’s my favourite thing on TV. If I could do anything, I’d be a member of the crew on TUBS, which stands for The Universe’s Best Spaceship. It is led by Captain Jane and Spaceman Jack and their alien friend, Five-Eyed Frank. They go on all kinds of adventures and aren’t scared of anything.
Anyway, the lessons I’ve learned from SPACE BLASTERS, ghosts AND sharks were all just to prepare me for the scariest thing I’ll ever encounter. My greatest challenge yet.
It all started when my friend Bernard came up to me at school with a glum expression. It was the Friday before half-term break, so he should have looked happy. (I know I was happy to have a week of NO SCHOOL!)
‘Guess what?’ he said.
‘What?’ I replied. ‘You look sadder than an alien zapped twice through a wormhole.’
‘It’s even worse than that,’ he said, still frowning. I was glad that Bernard had started watching SPACE BLASTERS, so he TOTALLY got the wormhole reference.
‘Worse? What could be worse than that?’
‘Being zapped four times,’ chimed in Zoe. She had also started watching the show. ‘And then being VAPOURIZED!’
‘Okay, okay. Fine. There are worse things,’ I said quickly. Zoe really liked the show. She had caught up on all the old episodes and had even got her brothers and sisters to watch it with her. ‘We can probably assume Bernard isn’t going to be zapped or vaporized.’
‘Or IS he?’ Zoe said in a spooky voice. ‘Stranger things have happened in space!’ Captain Jane always says that on SPACE BLASTERS.
I gave her a high five for that one.
‘YOU GUYS. I HAVE TO GO CAMPING!’ Bernard wailed. ‘In the WOODS!’
Oh. That was worse than being zapped twice through a wormhole.
We met again at lunch to strategize, in our usual meeting spot by the fence.
‘It won’t be that bad . . .’ I said unconvincingly.
‘BEARS, SAM! BEARS! Just think of the bears!’ Bernard said.
‘And the bugs,’ added Zoe, wrinkling her nose. Then, as an afterthought. ‘I don’t mind bugs, actually.’
‘Maybe you’ll have fun?’ I said, still trying to be enthusiastic for Bernard’s sake. ‘Think of it like an adventure.’
‘Remember all the research we did on sharks?’ Bernard said.
I nodded. ‘But there won’t be sharks in the woods, Bernard.’2
‘Well, bears are basically the sharks of the woods. They don’t have any natural predators. JUST. LIKE. SHARKS.’
‘Maybe they’ll be hibernating!’ I said.
‘They hibernate in the winter. Does it LOOK like winter right now?’ said Bernard, pointing at the sun.
It is never a good idea to try to out-fact Bernard.
‘I think camping sounds kind of cool,’ said Zoe. ‘I went once when I was little with my family.’
‘But you had your brothers and sisters to play with,’ Bernard pointed out. ‘It’ll just be me and my dad. And the “great outdoors” as he calls it.’
Bernard lives with his dad. His mum lives somewhere else and sometimes he goes to stay with her.
I patted Bernard on the back. ‘You can do it,’ I said. ‘I believe in you.’
This is what Spaceman Jack always says to a crewmember when they have to do something they don’t want to do.
‘I’d go with you if I could,’ I added, feeling especially Spaceman Jack-ish. He is my favourite character on SPACE BLASTERS.
‘I would go too!’ said Zoe.
‘You would?’ Bernard’s eyes were huge. ‘Even with the risk of bears? And poison ivy?’
I nodded. ‘Of course I would. That’s what friends are for.’ I said this thinking that there was no way I’d have to go with him.3
I WAS WRONG.
When I got home from school that day, there was a surprise waiting for me.
But NOT the fun kind, like a present. Or a surprise new episode of SPACE BLASTERS.
It was my cousin Stanley from Hong Kong.
And he was staying in MY ROOM. For TWO WEEKS!
Stanley is only two years older than me, but he thinks he’s a teenager.
‘What’s happening, little cuz?’ he said, sitting on MY bed.
‘I’m not little,’ I said. ‘Please get off my bed.’
‘Your mum says it is my bed while I’m here,’ he said. ‘That’s your bed.’ He pointed to a pillow and blankets on the floor.
And then, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Stanley went across my room, opened Fang’s cage AND PICKED FANG UP.
‘Who is this little guy?’ he said.
‘Put
