I whined.
‘You’re a big brother now, Barry,’ said
my dad. ‘You can’t go screaming round
the house acting like a kiddywinkle any
more . . .’
‘I am NOT a KIDDYWINKLE!’ I shouted,
stomping my feet on the car’s carpet
and crossing my arms.
35
‘Yes, well, until you can prove you’ve
grown up a bit, I’m afraid you’ll need
to stay on Mogden Island with all the
other little babies,’ said my dad.
‘I bet MUM wouldn’t send me to
Pirate Camp!’ I shouted.
‘As a matter of fact, I spoke to your
mum on the phone this morning and
she thinks it’s a great idea,’ said my
dad. ‘Who knows - maybe you’ll
surprise yourself and enjoy it!’
36
‘Maybe you’ll surprise YOURself!’ I
shouted, which didn’t really make
sense, but I wasn’t in the mood to
care. ‘Thanks for ruining my half
term!’ I grumbled, and I stared out
of the window at the ginormous
billboard we were driving past.
37
‘ANOTHER FANTASTIC DONALD COX
DEVELOPMENT!’ boomed the words on
the billboard, next to a mahoosive
photo of a man in a suit with
sunglasses on. That makes it sound like
the suit was wearing sunglasses - it
wasn’t, the man was.
38
The man with the sunglasses on was
Donald Cox, who’s been building buildings
all over Mogden recently. In the photo
he was standing in front of some
skyscrapers, with his hands spread
out like he was the king of Mogden.
39
Behind the billboard, half a real-life
skyscraper was sticking out of the
ground. Men in yellow plastic hats were
dotted around all over it, hammering
planks and eating sandwiches.
‘Blooming Donald Cox,’ grumbled my
dad, pressing the back-massage button
on the side of his seat, and the whole
thing started to vibrate.
40
‘You can’t go five metres without
seeing his face these days,’ he said,
and he turned left down Bunky’s road,
which everyone knows is the shortest
short cut to Mogden Pier.
I pressed my nose up against the car
window and spotted Bunky standing
outside his house talking to Nancy and
her dad, Mr Verkenwerken. Which
didn’t surprise me, seeing as they’re
next-door neighbours.
41
‘DONALD COX!’ I boomed, waving at
Bunky. I’ve started calling Bunky
‘Donald Cox’ sometimes, by the way,
because it makes him wee his pants
with laughter.
Bunky carried on standing there, chatting
to Nancy and Mr Verkenwerken
and not weeing his pants at all, and
I realised I hadn’t wound my window
down.
42
I wound my window down and took a deep breath. ‘DONALD COX!’ I boomed again, and Bunky and Nancy jumped.
‘DONALD COX!’ boomed Bunky back, because he’s started calling me ‘Donald Cox’ too.
‘Help me, Donald - my dad’s kidnapped
me!’ I shouted, imagining I was Future Ratboy, and I’d been captured by his
number one enemy, Mr X, and locked up in the back of Mr X’s giant metal scorpion.
43
‘He’s sending me to Pirate Camp,
Donald!’ I screamed, pounding my fists
against the air, miming like I hadn’t
wound the window down at all. ‘Meet
me at Mogden Pier!’ I wailed, and I
wound the window up again and went
back to comperleeterly unenjoying my
half term.
44
‘Ferry leaves in four minutes,’ said
my dad, screeching to a halt next to
Mogden Pier, and I sat in my seat
wondering why my dad always says
