Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

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       The GREAT FIRE

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Wednesday O’Leary

       A Fork in the Road

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Madame Strawberries

       The Victorian Age

       The STRANGE CASE of DOCTOR WEMPERS and MR CRIBBINS

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Chimpy Roberts

       To My Wife, Mary

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Frank Nerbles

       Brian Six

       THE FRUIT SCIENTISTS, THE

       TALKING GRAPES, THE CROWS OF

       THE FUTURE, THE DISCONNECTED-

       FACE-BUM-DOGS, THE PENCIL

       PEOPLE, THE NORMAL PEOPLE, THE

       ELECTRONIC NOIMPS, THE STUPID

       ANTS WITH HUMAN HANDS, THE

       UNITED STATES OF BEING A LION,

       THE SUBTERRANEAN KINGDOM

       OF THE CANNIBAL SKELETON

       ROBOTS, THE NON-EXISTENT

       MARTIANS, CHARLOTTE GLASS,

       THE HEXAGONAL PONY, THE GIANT

       WALKING CHESSMEN, THE CRUMBS

       OF THE SOUTH AND PLOVER

      20,000 YEARS BC

      NATBOFF

      L

      ong long timm go in Lamonic Bibber was

      cavma days. Bigges cavma was Natboff.

      1

      ‘ME THROW ROCK AT MITY WOOLY

      MAMMOF!’ say Natboff. ‘HAHA! WOOLY

      MAMMOF CRY LIKK BABY! NATBOFF BIG

      AN STRONG! NATBOFF HARIES FATTES

      CAVMA OF AL TIMM! NATBOFF BESTT!’

      But liff always go rong. Wun day Natboff

      walkig alonn wen com acros even bigge harier

      cavma of al timm.

      ‘HOO YOU?’ say Natboff.

       ‘ME CHUNKA!’ say even bigge cavma.

      ‘NATBOFF HATE CHUNKA!’ say Natboff.

      ‘NATBOFF EAT CHUNKA!’ say Natboff.

      Natboff try eat Chunka but Natboff no

      gud at. Chunka leg to thik for Natboff teeth.

      ‘HAHA,’ say Chunka. ‘NATBOFF

      PATHETI! CHUNKA BESST!

      ‘NATBOFF GOT CAV?’ say Chunka.

      ‘YEAH,’ say Natboff.

      2

      ‘NATBOFF GOT WIFE?’ say Chunka.

      ‘YEAH,’ say Natboff.

      ‘WAT WIFE NAME?’ say Chunka.

      ‘WIFE NAME SALLY,’ say Natboff.

      ‘WEL, THIS CHUNKA LUKKY DAY,’

      say Chunka. ‘NOW CHUNKA COM TO

       NATBOFF CAV AN STEEL NATBOFF WIFE.’

      O NO, thinnk Natboff. NATBOFF WISH

       NATBOFF NO TELL CHUNKA ABOU CAV

       AN WIFE.

      ‘HEY CHUNKA,’ say Natboff, crafty stile.

       ‘YOU KNO JUS NOW WEN NATBOFF

       TELL YOU ABOU CAV AN WIFE CAL

       SALLY? NATBOFF WAS ONLEH MAKK

       JOKKE! THER NO CAV! THER NO SALLY!

       JUS FUNNEH JOKKE!’

      ‘TO LATE,’ say Chunka. ‘CHUNKA

       CAN TEL THEY REAL. CHUNKA COMIG

      3

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