Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

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its side.

      ‘Oh, how

      adorable,’ laughed Princess Snowflake, clapping her hands together, one, two,

      three! ‘Those letters must be

      the initials of each deer’s name! I bet they are called Daniel, Arthur, Neil, Georgina, Eleanor and Rum-

      40

      Pum-Pum! Rum-Pum-Pum is my

      favourite!’

      While Princess Snowflake

      had been sitting on the bench,

      she had let Gooseberry off

      his leash so that he could

      go and do his business in

      the bushes. (Gooseberry

      ran a small and very

      profitable furniture business

      in the undergrowth,

      selling small

      tables and chairs

      and suchlike to the

      other animals.

      Chomley the hedgehog

      was one of his best

      customers.)

      ‘Gooseberry!’ called

      Princess Snowflake at

      length. ‘Finish up your

      business and come and walk with me

      some more, there’s a good doggie!’

      But no, there wasn’t a good doggie,

      because Gooseberry did not come rushing out of the bushes as he normally did, barking and smiling and with dozens of silver coins spilling from his mouth. Gooseberry was nowhere to be seen,

      and for the first time in her young life, Princess Snowflake knew what it was to feel fear. For the first time, she began to wish that she had listened to the witches. How long had Gooseberry been gone? Ten minutes? An hour? Even as Princess Snowflake rose from the bench to search for him, the day darkened and a cold, crisp flurry of snow began to fall. And as the snow fell, it sang:

      42

      Whisper,

      whisper so,

      The wind

      and

      the snow

      The

      Gypsy

      King

      And his

      golden

      ring

      Woe,

      woe,

      woe!

      Whisper,

      whisper

      so,

      The frostbite

      on

      your toe

      The

      Gypsy

      King

      Will

      only

      bring

      Woe,

      woe,

      woe!

      Whisper,

      whisper

      so,

      The frozen

      ground

      below

      The

      Gypsy

      King

      In the

      fairy

      ring

      Woe,

      woe,

      woe!

      43

      ‘What do you mean by this sinister

      and quite catchy rhyme?’ pleaded Princess Snowflake – but the snow would say no more.

      For a moment the world stood still.

      And then, suddenly, the Gypsy King

      jumped out from behind a tree. He was strong, with rippling muscles, and he wore hundreds of gold rings on his fingers, and he had proud boots. And in his huge cruel hands he held Princess Snowflake’s darling companion, Gooseberry.

      ‘I’ve done it again,’ laughed the Gypsy

      King. ‘All the legends about me were true, I live in the gardens and I snatch up spaniels and do what I like.’

      ‘I hate you,’ said Princess Snowflake,

      throwing herself to the ground and weeping hot, bitter tears that melted the snow all around her. ‘What do you want with Gooseberry? He is

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      only a spaniel and part-time furniture salesman!

      But he means more to me than all my riches

      put together! Please, please! I will give you all

      the land of the town – from the Lamonic River

      to Boaster’s Hill! From the Stone Table to the

      Forest of Runtus! From the meanest hovel to

      the Winter Palace itself – it will all be yours,

      if you will only return Gooseberry to me, you

      unbearable devil!’

      But the Gypsy King merely laughed and

      put Gooseberry’s face to his lips. Then

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