sounds like a creaking bough as she sleeps.
My feet don’t make a sound as I walk towards her. There’s a small table next to her bed and I put the glass of fresh juice with tincture drops onto it.
‘Nana Willow,’ I whisper. She doesn’t stir. ‘Nana Willow.’ I lean towards her and her eyes snap open and are staring into mine.
‘Sylvie, you came,’ she says, her voice like steam escaping through the crack in her mouth.
‘It’s me, Nana Willow. It’s Pearl.’ But she doesn’t see me. Her fingers reach out and stick onto mine. I want to run from here, but I know I can’t.
‘I knew you’d come back to me,’ she says. She tries to reach up. To stroke my face. I don’t mean to, but I pull away.
‘Nana Willow, I am Pearl.’ My hands are shaking slightly as I reach for the glass. ‘You must drink this.’ I should sit her up, but I’m scared of feeling her bones through her nightdress. Instead, I tip her head up slightly. She looks confused as I bring the glass to her lips, and I try to go slowly as she swallows, but some of the precious juice dribbles out from her mouth and drips down her wrinkled neck. And all the time, she looks at me with her cloudy eyes.
When the glass is empty, I reach for a brown cloth folded neatly on the table. I dab gently at the spilled juice on her skin. Nana Willow is staring at me when something changes in her. It’s like she suddenly sees who I really am. A moan leaves her and now I’m wiping away her tears.
I wait until her crying stops.
‘It’s OK, Nana Willow.’ I dare to reach out and stroke her hair back from her face. She is like a child, I tell myself. Just like a child.
Her eyes are closed now, so I turn from her. As I go to the door, I hear her move behind me.
I glance back and she’s sitting up. I can see that she is about to call me over again.
I run from the room and don’t even close the door behind me.
Elizabeth has explained that I might not get another Blessing for a while, but gradually my body will adapt and then I will have them every few weeks. It’s a relief not to have the coarse slab in my underwear. Now I can swim again.
We see a glimpse of our lake through the trees. It’s beautiful today. The sun makes the water glisten and as we get closer and push past the leaves, we can see it all. It’s an almost perfect circle. The trees are stepped back slightly from the water, leaving the grass to run down to its edge. It’s shallow at first, but out in the middle you could never touch the bottom. Today it’s blue, shining off the sky. And as the heat tickles my shoulders, I know I want to jump in.
‘Race you!’ Jack shouts, pushing Kate and me aside, taking his shirt off as he runs. So we follow him, jolting the birds from the trees with our laughter.
‘Get him!’ Kate calls to me, as I throw down my bag and pull my shirt over my head. She catches up with him as he struggles with his trousers, jumping on him until they both crash to the ground. My new skirt is easy to take off and I pass them both, my bare feet feeling the dry grass changing to damp.
In my underwear, I can feel the heat of the sun on my back as I run, splashing, into the lake. The freezing water whips at my ankles, stings my knees. I stop and gasp, just as Jack skims through the air and dives into the water. When he surfaces, he’s a little way out.
‘Come on, Pearl,’ he shouts. ‘It’s easier if you’re quick.’ He ducks his head under again, curls his body, and kicks until he disappears.
‘Last one to the middle washes Kindred Smith’s underwear,’ Kate says from beside me. Then she’s gone, into the water.
So I go too. I breathe, tuck my head in and dive into the icy water. The shock hits my face, but it’s so amazing down here – with the water above and around me, the world dissolves into a low humming. It’s only me and the cold.
My head moves through the surface and so I breathe again, swimming until I reach Jack in the middle, where there’s no way we can stand.
‘It’s so clear today,’ he says. His shoulders break through the top of the water and his hands mirror mine as we turn them in circles to keep afloat.
‘It’s good that it’s sunny on our free day, isn’t it?’ Then I tip my body and lie flat on my back, my arms moving slowly. The sky above us is extraordinary, with not a cloud in sight.
I could lie like this and be happy forever.
There’s a shouting that murmurs at me through the water. Reluctantly, I lift my head and see that Bobby is now in the lake, his skinny arms reaching above his head, his hands clutching Ruby’s sandals.
‘Give them back,’ Ruby shouts.
‘I’ll go and help her,’ Jack says, before he starts swimming towards Bobby. His feet kick water over Kate’s face. She wipes her eyes, treading water all the time. We watch Jack’s strong strokes breaking through the lake until he gets to the shallow edge.
‘Enough,’ we hear him say, and he takes the sandals from Bobby’s hands. Kate and I swim over lazily to join him.
‘I’ll throw her sandals in myself if she doesn’t stop whingeing,’ Kate says, as the water gets shallow enough for our feet to touch the bottom. It’s sludgy between my toes. The mud oozes up like cold clay and I don’t like the feel of it, although I know I should. I imagine the bones of a dead man, buried just underneath my feet. I move quickly, as I want to remember only the touch of the water.
We get out, and Kate and I lie side by side on the grass. Jack sits next to us, facing away, looking to the lake. Drops of water sparkle on his skin. I’m surprised how strong his shoulders look. Time is changing him as well, but sometimes I wish we could slow it all down. If I could, I might ask Nature to halt the ticking of her clock, just for a bit.
‘Heather says I’m not allowed to go selling at the market for a while,’ Kate says, turning onto her elbow to look at me.
‘Why?’
‘Because she’s been looking at the Outside boys,’ Jack says, glancing over his shoulder and smiling.
‘Have you?’ I ask. ‘It’s dangerous, Kate.’
‘I haven’t.’ She sits up, squeezes drops of water from her hair and flicks it towards Jack.
‘Why else would they stop you going?’ he asks.
Kate leans back onto both of her elbows with a sigh. She tips her head back until her hair touches the ground. She’s been growing it for a year, since she officially became a woman. Jack looks away from her.
‘Kindred John says I’m not allowed to speak to them. So I asked him how I’m meant to sell the Outsiders our home-grown beans if I can’t talk to them. He wasn’t having any of it and now he’s stopped me going.’ She slumps down and swings an arm over her eyes. ‘Pig’s breath,’ she says quietly into her skin.
Jack and I don’t move. I’ve never
