‘Niko was too lazy to imagine anyone going to the gym to work out. He just used to pose with weights at Shoey’s because he couldn’t actually lift them.’
Cath giggled. ‘Looked all right though. And he had a good body considering he didn’t do anything.’
Holly scrunched up her nose. It was weird, having a perfectly normal conversation, whilst there were all these electric undercurrents floating beneath their banal words. She and Dev had been part of the gang, but as the kids started to pair off in their teens, it was always Cath and Jay, and her and Dev.
It was funny she and Cath had stayed friends. Tom hated Cath, and the feeling was mutual. When Holly got pregnant, her best friend had sat her down and told her exactly what she thought of Tom, and suggested Holly move in with Lydia and raise Milo on her own.
Cath was watching her, straightening her baby’s clothes with gentle fingers. ‘You two always wanted to get out of the Seaview, didn’t you?’
‘I suppose.’
‘You did. Dev would always talk about getting away from his uncle and setting up on his own, and you were super clever at school. You wanted to be a vet once, do you remember?’
‘Yeah,’ Holly sighed. After she walked out the evening after the trial, she’d gone to stay with a friend in town. She had been a savvy teen, and it hadn’t taken long to sort out accommodation, to set herself up away from her past. The fact that she’d got good grades seemed to be a sign, and she drifted along, reinventing herself. At nineteen, studying English Literature had seemed like a good idea, but then so did dating Tom, her tutor. ‘I think I thought I’d go into teaching after my degree.’
‘You would’ve hated it,’ Cath told her.
‘How do you know?’
‘Same way I knew we should work together.’ Her best friend grinned. She glanced at the clock, ‘Look, Holly, I know you’re freaked by this whole Jayden thing, hell I am too, but I think you need to be careful. Someone put Jay’s kid in your car for a reason. You need to watch out, okay?’
The fun faded from the room.
Cath started to put the twins into their pushchair, pushing her hair off her face, and straightening to face Holly. ‘People are saying there’s going to be some kind of trouble between the Balintas and the Nicholls now Niko’s out. Something’s going to go down, hon, and we are stuck right in the middle of that lot. Besides, why else would Jayden come home after all these years?’
‘You really think he’s alive?’ Holly still couldn’t quite make the leap from lighting candles at her brother’s memorial, to him returning to Westbourne.
‘Honestly? I was so shocked when you told me I couldn’t even think straight, but now … I think I do, yeah.’
Dear Mum,
I’m having a shit day and I wish you were here so bad that I can almost taste it. Sometimes I kneel in front of your wall and screw my eyes tight shut. Dad says if I stay like that and count to one hundred you might reach out to me. If he’s had a bad day he makes us both kneel and times us. We have to sit still for an hour and he gets mad if I move and says I’m ruining it.
I don’t really know what he means. He says he can feel you though. If I’m honest, I can’t feel you at the moment.
We’ve moved around a lot since you died, and of course I don’t remember a lot of the places we’ve been, but we’ve been in this flat for six months now. It’s another different school and they take the piss all the time and say I’m weird because my accent is different to theirs. Whatever. I’m not like Alice Cauldon who says she wants to be a pole dancer and lets the boys look at her pink bra, and I’m not smelly like Ben Alder or stupid like Alex Smith. I’m just me. But they don’t like that, Mum. Sometimes I don’t think Dad likes me either, even though I’ve taught myself to cook and work the washing machine. When he gets hammered, I try and make sure he passes out on the sofa or in his bed.
I look in the mirror and try to figure out why I’m different and why my life is different. But I just see a normal kid with messy hair and a few freckles. A kid who’s got his mum’s black eyes, and his dad’s pointed chin. He’s not fat or thin. He’s not small or tall. He’s just normal on the outside. But they still don’t like me. It’s Kyle Wilson who’s the worst. Today he said I was a loser and a freak because I don’t have a mum. How does he know that? It worried me a bit because part of the plan is that people don’t know much about us, about where we come from or where we are going.
Today when I went back to the shooting range with Dad, I imagined Kyle’s face on the target, with his big white teeth and square face, and I got my highest score ever. Dad was really happy because he says it all counts towards the plan. Every single thing we do is training. When Dad’s not been drinking he can be fun.
But it hurts when people say stuff. Dad says to man up and to be strong or we’ll never be able to make you proud. But it’s hard at the moment and I feel like crying. It hurts inside and I can feel the pain tingling in my fingers. I’m cold too. The flat has mould growing up the walls and the heaters only run if you shove coins in them. If I don’t remember to ask Dad for coins before he starts on the cans then it stays cold.
Don’t worry, Mum, I won’t cry, because boys don’t cry. I know he’s a liar though because I’ve seen him crying for you. I won’t tell him because it might make him crazy and he’s been kind of okay for a few weeks now. Thanks for making him okay for a bit, and if you could keep him away from the beer that would be great.
I love you, Mum x
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
