of doing so – even when they’ve no real intention of taking suicidal action. These thoughts are understandably very distressing and people may worry that they indicate a real risk. Happily this is not often the case; most of these thoughts are merely an unpleasant by-product of depressed mood. It’s easy to misinterpret these images and thoughts as dangerous or portentous but learning to see them as what they really are – just unpleasant symptoms of depression or anxiety – can render them less frightening.
People with OCD (more on this disorder in Chapter 14) often experience intrusive thoughts and images. The content of these thoughts and mental pictures can vary widely, but they’re frequently about harming people you love or acting in a way that dramatically violates your moral code. Other emotional or anxiety problems can also give rise to a host of nightmarish ideas and images. Some classics may include the following:
Losing control of your bladder or bowels in public
Blurting out something really offensive
Behaving in a sexually inappropriate manner
Jumping on to a train track
Driving your car recklessly
Harming an animal
Harming yourself or another person (a child or loved one)
Having a panic attack in a public place
Making a bad decision which results in irreparable consequences
Being harshly rejected or humiliated
Experiencing thoughts and images about death or violence (to self and others)
When you have such unsolicited ghoulish mental activity, it’s very understandable that you want to get rid of it. Typically however, the harder you try to rid yourself of such thoughts and images, the more they take hold. This is because your attempts to eliminate, avoid or neutralise unwelcome thoughts are driven by the fundamental rule:
‘I must not have such thoughts; they’re unacceptable and mean something dreadful.’
When you put effort into preventing or eliminating a certain thought, you’re inadvertently focusing more attention on it. If you regard certain kinds of mental activity as taboo, then you increase your fears of it occurring. Paradoxically, you may end up increasing the frequency of intrusive images and thoughts plus elevating your disturbance in response to them. Everyone has intrusive thoughts and images from time to time. Even if you’re not in any form of psychological or emotional distress, you’re not immune to the occasional gruesome mental image. People without anxiety or depression, however, are more readily able to dismiss the thought or image as unpleasant (or even shocking) but of ultimately no real importance. You can begin to tolerate unpleasant thoughts by adopting the following attitude:
‘I don’t like these thoughts, but they aren’t abnormal or important. They don’t mean something bad about me.’
Knowing a thought is just a thought
Because the content of these types of thoughts is so abhorrent to you, they can feel terribly important. You might assume that they mean you’re more likely to do some horrendous deed or that something terrible is now going to happen to a loved one because you thought them. More accurately, these types of thoughts are merely a reflection of what you hold dear and value. Rather cruelly, you tend to get afflicted by the kind of thoughts that run counter to your true character and value system.
Letting unwelcome thoughts extinguish by themselves
Worrying and upsetting thoughts and images won’t last forever. If you do nothing, they’ll eventually fade away. As we’ve already mentioned, trying to control unwelcome thoughts rarely works for long. The key is treating these thoughts as though they’re of no importance. When something is of little or no importance, you tend to ignore it or give it little attention. Instead of fighting against these trivial (though tormenting) thoughts, do nothing. Take off the boxing gloves and just let your mind move onto other more neutral images and thoughts naturally. Doing so sounds pretty simple and straightforward, but just letting go can be hard to master. Your feelings of anxiety, disgust or horror about intrusive thoughts can compel you to action. Resist the pull of your feelings.
Let unwelcome thoughts play out in the background as though they were just noise. Think of these thoughts like static on the radio or street noise outside your office window. You can filter them out and refocus your attention onto a task.
Get your mind busy doing something else more interesting or compelling. Pick up the phone and make some important calls, do a crossword puzzle or go for a walk.
Raise your heart rate. Going for a run, playing a sport or vacuuming vigorously can help relieve anxiety and clear your mind.
As you pay less attention to unwelcome thoughts, you’ll probably find that your adverse feelings about them become less intense. Eventually, just allowing your thoughts to extinguish will become much easier because you’ll have reduced their emotional impact.
