Networking mindset, networking meeting. Sales mindset, sales meeting. See how that works?
Having the right mindset at the right time will help you connect with others who also have the right mindset at the right time. As you're developing your networking skills and practicing, ask yourself, “What is my mindset?”
Behaviors that result from a networking mindset include making eye contact (smiling eyes, as someone once described to me), smiling, paying a compliment, offering to help (carrying a bag, giving directions), saying hello, introducing yourself, making a funny or friendly comment you can both relate to, holding a door open, inviting someone under your umbrella, offering to take a picture (of them with their phone), or striking a conversation with someone sitting next to you at the coffee shop.
I have demonstrated all of these behaviors. But not all at once. I carried a baby in a stroller up the stairs for a mother coming out of the subway, lifted a heavy bag for an elderly man at the airport, and accompanied a little boy to the bathroom (with his mom's permission) who was afraid to go in without his mother; I waited outside.
Of course, I'm not suggesting to do all of these things. You have to do what you think is right and appropriate, and come from a place of truly helping. You have to be comfortable, and if you're not comfortable offering to share the walk across the street under your umbrella with a total stranger (or whatever), then don't do it. Having a networking mindset doesn't mean “crossing the line” or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Everybody has their own personality and level of comfort.
I feel good having helped people over the years and have great stories to tell as a result. But truth be told, there have been times that I made others feel uncomfortable by simply being friendly or offering to help. It doesn't happen often, but it happens. Most of the time people are appreciative and either take me up on my offer or simply say, “No thank you.” And that's fine.
Recently, I was in a major city and after checking with the security desk, got led to the elevator bay. I was on my way to a networking event that I was co‐leading. I was with my twelve‐year‐old daughter, Julia, who helps me at the events. While waiting for the elevator, a woman in a business suit came over to wait for the same elevator. I smiled and said hello. She said hello to me and Julia. I was also in a business suit and asked if she was going up. The elevator we were waiting for goes to the very top floor and would only go to a law firm or the venue where the event was being held. I assumed she was going to the event, so I introduced myself. She said she wasn't accustomed to giving her name to men she doesn't know while getting into an elevator. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable and explained who I was and as it turned out she was going to the same event. Then she realized she did recognize my name as one of the founders of the networking group. She was embarrassed and apologized to me profusely throughout the event for overreacting. I told her I understood and not to worry about it.
The situation reminded me that not everyone has a networking mindset when not in a formal networking scenario. And that's exactly what a networking mindset is – being a networker (of sorts) while not being at an actual networking event or related business meeting. Of course, it's important to be careful – male or female, depending on your situation and your whereabouts. There's having a networking mindset and then there's being street smart.
Let me put some context around all of this. I've been teaching networking skills for a lot of years, written articles, and authored books on the subject. I walk my talk in and out of the ring. I love connecting with people and offering help when I can and when it's appropriate. My intention is always learning, helping, and having fun. If you're truly demonstrating a networking mindset, then connecting and developing relationships will start to become easier and yes, even fun.
Two Types of Networking
I mentioned earlier that networking can be both a proactive and reactive approach to learning and helping people – two pretty important distinctions that I will illustrate here.
Serendipitous Networking. Serendipity is the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. It's a cool word, as well as the name of a fun 2001 movie with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.
Serendipitous networking is when you meet someone by chance whom you connect with and the outcome is positive – positive for you and positive for them.
I met my wife, Lainie, through serendipitous networking. We met by chance at a bar because my brother knew her as an acquaintance from his Manhattan neighborhood. I got together with my brother and his friends for an unplanned late‐night jaunt to an Upper East Side bar. As fate would have it, Lainie from the neighborhood was at the bar with a friend. I was introduced to her. We connected and the rest, as they say, is history!
You can also make a business connection serendipitously if someone were to strike up a conversation with you at the supermarket, bank, or at your kid's soccer game and somehow there was a business outcome. Friendships begin like this every day. But business connections happen a lot less frequently like this because the context of the meeting is not business related and the connection is unintended. You simply happen to be there for a completely different reason. You're just minding your own business in the produce section squeezing avocados when suddenly someone strikes up a conversation about life insurance. And boom – you end up with a client!
I wish it were that easy, but that's a good example of serendipitous networking.
You can be a bit more proactive in non‐business‐related activities by having a networking mindset. Think about what can happen if you strike up the right conversation at the right time in an unexpected place like your kid's soccer game. As a financial advisor, planner, broker, rep, agent, or other type of sales producer, you almost need to be creative in generating business related conversations in non‐business‐related situations.
Think of all the times you're only a few feet or even a few inches away from someone and you don't even look at or talk with them. When you're seated next to someone on an airplane, for example, you're only a few inches away from them for a long period of time and yet I'll bet you pretend they're not even there. I'm not the guy who's going to talk your ear off if you happen to be lucky enough to sit next to me on a flight. But I am the guy who's going to smile, say hello, and act friendly. If there is a rapport and something interesting to talk about, we're going to talk about it between working on the laptop, watching the screen, and snoozing.
On a flight from Boston to Chicago, I struck up a conversation with a young woman I'm going to call Nicole (because that's her name). I said, “Good morning! Seems we're going to be seatmates. My name is Michael. Very nice to meet you. Please don't worry, I'm not going to talk your ear off the whole flight.”
Nicole laughed. We had a really nice conversation throughout the flight. Very natural, unforced, and fun. A true connection. We discussed work, family, and business travel, in between working on laptops and reading.
At the beginning of our conversation, I asked what kind of work Nicole does and as it turned out she leads a human resources department for a large consulting firm. After she described her work, Nicole asked, “How about yourself?”
I told her what I did in a very focused, succinct, specific format that I call the PEEC statement, which is my version of the infamous elevator speech. (I'll discuss the PEEC statement in detail in a later chapter.)
After listening to my response to her question about my work, Nicole said, “It sounds like you train sales producers on networking skills mostly in the financial services industry. It's probably no wonder we're networking now! A few months ago my firm actually hired a consultant to come in and work with our sales group. I shouldn't tell you this,
