Tori said, holding the cup under the ice dispenser. She wanted Cecile’s honest answer before she told her about the baby. “Hypothetical. I just wondered if you’d tell him.”
“In my opinion, children should grow up having two parents if that’s possible,” Cecile said. “But I guess it’s hard to say when it’s not happening to you.”
“I suppose there’s no easy choice,” Tori said, sipping her water. For some reason she felt slightly dehydrated.
“Why all this interest in this topic? You’re not pregnant, are you?”
Yes.
Tori opened her mouth to say the word but at that moment Cecile’s phone beeped, indicating she had another call. “Hey, that’s my mom. She and Dad are letting me take one of their old armchairs for my apartment. Do you mind if I answer them and get back to you later?”
“No, that’s fine. We’ll talk soon. Call me anytime.” Tori hung up and glanced around her apartment. She’d splurged, getting a one-bedroom loft unit with upgraded appliances. On the first floor she had a living room with a fireplace, a kitchen, a washer/dryer and a half bath. Upstairs she had a full bathroom and a bedroom that overlooked the living room. Her apartment, which had seemed so spacious when she’d first moved in, wasn’t going to be adequate once she had the baby.
She walked over to the refrigerator and pulled off the magnetic to-do notepad she’d hung there. She grabbed a stray pen she found on the breakfast bar and, standing, she wrote at the top: Go to doctor’s appointment. Underneath she wrote: Decide what to do about Jeff.
Disgruntled, she sighed, set the paper down and finished drinking her water. She debated about what Cecile had said. What type of a father would Jeff be? He was never in town. He hired a pet sitter to care for his cat. How could he be a dad if he was always traveling? The man had no focus unless it was technology related. Babies were about as basic as things came. They couldn’t talk, walk, feed themselves or communicate. They needed nonstop care. She worried that Jeff wouldn’t be able to handle the work involved, even if he did babysit Hailey now and then.
Long ago, when she’d first gotten into the relationship, she’d dreamed of what it might be like to be married to Jeff Wright. She’d quickly realized that it wouldn’t be the stuff of romance novels. While they were compatible in tons of ways, in reality she and Jeff had stayed together because they didn’t worry about things such as who was doing laundry, who was paying for what and who was doing his or her fair share. They’d neutralized the issues married couples dealt with. She’d wasted two years trying to make something work; she and Jeff didn’t have staying power—that deep commitment and determination to get through things beyond just pleasure and convenience.
Tori put her glass in the dishwasher. When she’d been eleven her parents had divorced. Her dad had moved to California. She’d seen him only on rare occasions and heard from him when he’d remembered her on major holidays. She wouldn’t allow her child to have that type of life.
People might argue that a child deserved two parents, but Tori thought a child deserved two parents who made the child a top priority. If that weren’t possible, then no parent was better than one who constantly made you wonder whether you were worth it or whether you were valued at all.
If Tori wondered about her place in Jeff’s life, what would her baby think growing up, asking where Daddy was and why Daddy “forgot”?
Tori tapped her fingers on the countertop, the background noise a comforting staccato. Her own mother hadn’t gotten remarried right away, waiting instead until the perfect man had come along when Tori was a sophomore in high school. Richard Kennedy was the perfect stepfather. Tori’s mother had never been happier. And Richard had always made Tori feel valued and welcome, even when she’d become a big sister. Although Tori was almost sixteen years older than her younger brother, Kenny, the two were close. The whole family was close. That was all to Richard’s credit.
Tori reached for her phone and pressed a speed-dial button. Within seconds, her mother picked up. “Hey Mom,” Tori said. “When’s the next family dinner?”
“You trolling for a free meal?” her mother, Kathleen, teased. “Tomorrow’s Friday and Kenny’s got a baseball tournament this weekend so we’ll be over in Raytown. Of course you’re welcome to join us if you’re not heading to St. Louis.”
“I might be,” Tori lied.
Her mom was used to Tori’s travels. “How about Monday, then? After work? Say six o’clock? We’re all off for Independence Day, so we can relax.”
Tori wrote the information on the sheet of paper she’d been using. “I’ll see you then. Love you.”
“Me, too. If you change your mind, call me. I know Kenny would love to see his big sister at some of his games.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Maybe next weekend. E-mail me the schedule and I’ll work something out.”
“I’ll do that. Talk to you soon. Love ya.”
“Me, too.” Tori ended the call and strolled into the living room. Her apartment backed up on to woods, and her living room windows overlooked nothing but old oak trees. When out on her balcony, she could pretend she lived in a tree house. She’d signed a year’s lease, but would have to find somewhere else to live when it expired. Something one-story with few steps that would need to be gated off. Maybe she’d buy a condo.
Why had she told her mother she was heading to St. Louis for the weekend? Tori had never considered herself a chicken, but, once she’d called her mom, she hadn’t found the nerve to tell her about the baby. At least the story gave her a bit more time to figure out how to tell them.
So maybe she was a bit of a chicken. She’d never been afraid of anything before, accepting any challenge put before her. In college a boyfriend had dared her to go bungee jumping, knowing Tori had a fear of heights. Refusing to back out, she did it and never showed how scared she really had been. Tori wasn’t afraid to get down and dirty when necessary.
At least, she used to be fearless. Her life was changing so fast that suddenly she felt timid. Unsettled. Not quite herself. She wasn’t invincible any longer. She couldn’t just jump in feet first and worry about the consequences later. Tori placed her hand on her stomach, something she’d been doing constantly, as if touching herself somehow made the fact she was going to be a mother real. She knew she couldn’t hide from what was happening. She’d see the doctor, make sure everything was okay and there were no complications and then tell Jeff. That would be the best, most prudent course of action. She’d then tell her family and friends. After all, there was still a point-one chance the test could be wrong.
“YOU’RE DEFINITELY PREGNANT,” Dr. Sarah Hillyer said as she moved the ultrasound wand over Tori’s stomach, pressing slightly. “If you look right there on the monitor, that’s your baby. While it’s not much yet, this is the outline of the head and this is the body.”
Tori’s breath caught in her throat. The black-and-white image wasn’t the sharpest, but she could make out what the doctor was showing her. There was life growing inside her.
“We’ll schedule you for another ultrasound before you leave today,” the doctor continued. “You’ll see a whole lot more then as it will be a more in-depth examination. This one just tells us that you aren’t going to be having multiples. You said the father was an identical twin and twins do run in families. From what I can tell, you’re just having
