وترّهات ومباحث فارغة وامور سخيفة * فقد بلغنا ان بعض ضواطرة السوق انفق فى مدة ستّ سنين قضاها بالبحث والجدال على شكل قُبَّعة كذا وكذا بدرة من المال * وتفصيل ذلك انه نظر نفسه ذات يوم فى المرآة وكان قد تعلّم مبادى الهندسة والهيئة * فراى راسه مدوّرا كالبطيخة * فراق له ان يتخذ قبَّعة مدورة على هيئة راسه * لان المدوّر يلائم المدوّر كما تقرر فى الاصول * فرآه بعض مزامليه من سوق آخر وكان اعظم منه قدرا ووجاهة واوفر علما * فسخر منه وقال له مَن وسوس اليك ياابن قُبَعة(١)(١) ابن قُبَعة وقابعآ وصف بالحمق * * حتى لبست هذه القُبَّعة * مع ان شكل راسك مخروط * فقال له قد ضللت بل هو اكثر استدارة من راسك كما يشهد لى بذلك شيخ السوق * قال كذبت بل هو مخروط وان كنتَ كثير العَنَس اليه وانى اهدى من شيخك واقوم طريقا * قال كفرت وعميت عن معرفة نفسك فانَّى لك ان تعرف غيرك * قال تبدَّعت بل انت عَمِه كَمِه وقد حمقت وسفهت فى عدم قبولك النصح * فاليوم ترى الناس المدوّر من المخروط * والسارط من المسروط *
Many a time, I swear, has that chest been filled with gold and precious stones, only to be emptied again on confrontations, confabulations, pointless investigations, and foolish matters. We have been informed that one of the market traders spent a vast amount of money over a period of six years on study and debate concerning the shape of a certain hat. To be specific, he looked at himself one day in the mirror and, being somewhat acquainted with the principles of engineering and construction, noticed that his head was round, like a watermelon. It therefore seemed appropriate to him that he should adopt the use of a round hat of the same shape as his head, for round goes best with round, as good taste has long determined. One of his colleagues from another market, who was of higher standing and dignity and more learned than he, saw him and made mock of him, asking, “Who whispered in your ear, you featherbrain (Ibn Qubaʿah),(1)(1) Ibn Qubaʿah [literally, “Son of a (certain) bird (smaller than a sparrow)”] and Qābiʿā’ are epithets used to describe stupidity. that you should wear that bird’s nest of a bonnet (qubbaʿah) when your head in fact is conical?” “You are misled,” he replied. “My head is, on the contrary, rounder than yours, as the Market Boss will testify.” “You lie,” said the other. “It truly is conical, as you should know since you keep looking at it in the mirror, and I am better guided and walk a straighter path than your boss.” “You blaspheme,” said the first, “and are blind to your own self; how then can you know others?” “And you,” said the second, “are a godless innovator; nay, you are confounded and confused and have become stupid and silly in refusing to accept my advice. People today can tell the rounded from the turned, the con-man from the burned.”
2.1.23
ثم لجّ بينهما العناد وتقابضا بالازياق والجيوب والاقلاع * ثم بالجمم ثم بالاعراض * فمزق كل منهما عرض صاحبه اى عدوّه * ثم صاحا واستغاثا وتشاكيا لدى الحاكم وتباهلا وتهاترا * فلما ثبت للحاكم ان فعلهما فعل الشبازقة(١)(١) الشَبْزَق مَن يتخبطه الشيطان من المسّ * راى ان مداواتهما بغرامة رابية * اولى من حصرهما فى الزاوية * فانصرف كل منهما وقد غرم كذا وكذا بدرة * ثم ان الضوطار الاول اتخذ له بعد ذلك قبَّعة بين بين * اى نصفها مدوّر ونصفها مخروط بحيث لا يقدر على تمييزها الا الجهبذ النحرير * والناقد الخبير * وآب الى حانوته كمن قفل من غزوة * او اسر الدِحْية * (رئيس الجند) او كذلك الديك الغالب * واول ما اطلّ على السوق امر جميع القبَّعيّين ان يخرجوا لملاقاته بالتقليس لا بالتلقيس(٢)(٢) التقليس استقبال الولاة عند قدومهم باصناف اللهو وان يضع الرجل يديه على صدره ويخضع * والتلقيس مبالغة لقسه اى عابه ولقّبه * * فخرجوا على تلك الحالة وهم يضجون ويقولون * اليوم عيد القبعه * اليوم يوم الفرقعه * يااِمّعة ياامّعة * فبصر بهم اعوان الحاكم فى ذلك الصقع فظنوا انهم خلعوا ربقة الطاعه * وشقّوا عصا الجماعه * فبادروهم بالات الاَزّ والبحز والبخز والبزّ والبغز والبهز والجَرز والجلز والحزّ والحفز والخز والدغز والرزّ والرفز والززّ والشخز والشرز والشفز والشكز والضخز والضفز والطعز والعرز والقحز والقلز واللبز واللتز واللزّ واللكز واللقز واللمز واللهز والمحز والمرز والمهز والنحز والنخز والنغز والنكز والنهز والوخز والوكز والوقز والوهز والهبز والهرز والهمز والرهز * حتى جعلوهم عبرة للمعتبر *
At this, obduracy seized them in its relentless grip, and they grabbed each other by their collars, their pockets, and their shepherd’s sacks, and then by their long hair, and then by their reputations, each man tearing apart that of his friend, meaning his enemy. Next they screamed, appealed for help, and complained of each other before the ruler, each calling the other a fool and reviling him. When it became clear to the ruler that they were both acting like lunatics (shabāziqah),(1)(1) [“like lunatics”:] a shabzaq [plural shabāziqah] is one whom the Devil has afflicted with insanity. he decided it would make better sense to cure them with a heavy fine than to confine them in the pokey. Each then departed, after paying a fine of such and such a number of purses. Afterwards, the first trader adopted a hat that was half and half, that is, half round and half conical, and none but the most learned of scholars and most expert of examiners could tell which it really was, and he returned to his store like a conquering hero or one who’d captured a diḥyah (that’s an army general), or even a prize-winning cockerel. The first thing he did when he reached the edge of the marketplace was to command all the hatters to come out and receive him—with entertainment and salaams (taqlīs), not with reproaches and slams (talqīs).(2)(2) Taqlīs is receiving rulers on their arrival with various sorts of entertainment, and also a man’s placing his hands on his breast and bowing. Talqīs is reproaching someone in an exaggerated fashion, i.e., denouncing him and calling him names. So they went forth accordingly, making noise and saying, “Today is the Feast of the Hat! Today the day of the firecracker! What a twat! What a twat!” and the ruler’s henchmen,
