of his disease and to the poet of his passion, for the latter will neither his hunger appease nor grant him his desire nor will the former bring him any good or provide him with a cure, or behold an ugly one who strikes such terror into his heart as makes all appetite depart, or lest the dogs bark at him and rip his clothes, so that his tackle’s laid bare or his blood flows, or he be sitting one day on a seat and from down below be heard a tweet, so that his name becomes mud among his brethren and band, the people of his village and his land (in which case they may name him in derision ‘the farter,’4 ‘the snarter,’ ‘the varter,’ ‘the browner,’ ‘the bottom burper,’ ‘the queefer,’ ‘the queeber,’ ‘the poofer,’ ‘the pooter,’ ‘the butt trumpeter’), or the nightmare fall upon him one night, so that the blood stops flowing to his heart and he perishes before morning?”
3.1.33
نعم لم١ يكفهم هذا كله حتى طفق بعضهم يجهّز على بعض كتائب الحدس والتخمين * ويجرّد عليه مقانب الخرص والتزكين * فاقبل قوم منهم على قوم برماح الطعن مشرَّعة * وبسيوف اللعن مبضّعة * وبنصال الجدال فائدة مارقة * وبنبال الجلاد صاردة خاسقة * فقال بعض الا ان درجات السمآ مئة وخمس * فقال غيره الا انها مئة واربع * فقال اخر لقد كذبتما واستوجبتما قطع اللسان وسمل العينين * وسلّ الانثيين * وانما هى مئة وست * ثم قام اخر وقال الا ان دركات سقر ستمائة وست وستون * فقام غيره وقال الا انها ستمائة وخمسون * فقال اخر لقد كذبتما والحدتما وضللتما واستوجبتما غلّ اليدين والرجلين * ونتف الشعرين * انما هى ستمائة وسبع وستون * ثم قام اخر وقال الا ان قرن الشيطان ثلثمائة وخمسة وخمسون ذراعا * فقال آخر هذا افك واضح * وبهتان فاضح * بل هو ثلثمائة وستة وخمسون * فقال اخر وكسور * ثم قال اخر الا انه من حديد لكونه ثقيلا على الناس يعنّيهم * فاجابه غيره الا انه من ذهب لكونه يضلّهم ويغويهم فقال اخر بل هو من اليقطين لانه ينمى ثم يذوى * ويكبر ثم يصغر * ويطول ثم يقصر *
١ ١٨٥٥: الم.
In truth, all this has not been enough to stop some men from rushing to outfit against others the battalions of guesswork and supposition and unleash against them the squadrons of surmise and suspicion. Thus one such company would attack another waving the lances of defamation, wielding the swords of imprecation, thrusting with spearheads of dispute that find their mark and pierce right through, firing arrows of debate that transfix and are ever true. One said, “Verily, the degrees of Heaven are one hundred and five!” while another, “Verily, they are one hundred and four, no more!” Then yet another declared, “You both lied and deserve to have your tongues excised, your eyes put out, your testes pulverized! They are one hundred and six for sure!” At this another arose who said, “Verily, the degrees of Hell are six hundred, six and sixty!” to which someone else responded, “Verily they are six hundred, five and fifty!” while a third declared, “You both lie and true belief defy, have erred and the shackling of your hands and feet incurred, in addition to the plucking of both your cephalic and your pubic hair! They are seven hundred and sixty-seven, I declare!” Then another stood up to say, “Verily, the length of Satan’s horn is three hundred, five-and-fifty cubits!” and another responded, “Untruth clear and falsehood outrageous! It is, on the contrary, three hundred and fifty-six!” (to which a third added, “And a few bits!”). Now another said, “And it is made of iron, as witnessed by how heavily it weighs on people and torments them!” to which another answered, “Verily, it is made of gold, as evidenced by how it distracts and tempts them!” To this another, however, responded, “Nay, it’s made of squash, because it grows and then gets shorter, swells and then gets smaller, contracts after having got tauter!”
3.1.34
ثم قام آخر على سلّم عال وقال بصوت جهير الا ان يكون ايها الناس لجُلَيْدة ينبغى قطعها بحجر محدّد لا كبير ولا صغير * فقال آخر بل بسكّين ماض لا طويل ولا قصير * فقال آخر لقد سفهتما انما هى عزيزة علينا * كريمة لدينا * لا يصح قطعها بحجر ولا سكّين * ولا خدشها بشى ولو من رقين * فانما هى متصلة بالوريد ومنعقدة بالوتين * ومن قطعها فقد كفر * واستوجب نار سقر * فقال آخر بل قطعها واجب فانها من الزوائد * فاعترضه القائل بعدم القطع انّا لا نرى شيا غيرها يقطع فما وجه تخصيصها بالقطع * قال بل الشوارب تُحفَى والاظفار تقلّم * قال ولكنها بعد ذلك تنبت وتلك لا * قال انما دليلى القطعى على وجوب القطع عدم نفعها لصاحبها * قال لم يخلق الله شيا عبثا من غير نفع * قال بل خلقك اياك لغير فائدة * قال لا بل انت مخلوق عبثا * ثم حشد كلّ من الفريقين بخيله ورَجْله * وتلاقى كل من الجيشين بسلاحه ومَحله * فمن بين قارع بحدّ الحسام * ورام بالسهام * وباطش بيده وقاذع بلسانه * وهاجٍ بقلمه * فالروس متناثرة * والدمآ جارية الاعضآ متطايرة * والعرض مهتور والحرمات مهتّكة * والمال مسلوب والديار مخرّبة * والحزازات فى الصدور كامنة * والمشاحنة ظاهرة وباطنة * والخيل مُسرَجة * والكماة مدجّجة * والطرق معطلة * والارض ممحلة * والفرص للانتقام مرقوبة * والدعوات فى الليالى مشبوبة *
Another now arose, stood atop a tall ladder and said in a loud tone, “Verily, you are possessed, good people, of a little piece of skin that must be cut off, using a whetted piece (neither too large nor too small) of stone!” to which another replied, “Nay, using a sharp knife, neither too long nor too short!” to which a third one made retort, “You’re both fools! That bit of skin to us is dear, to our hearts near, and is not with either stone or knife to be made shorter or scratched by aught else, be it even of silver, for it is connected to the jugulars and tied to the aorta. Anyone who cuts it is guilty of infidelity and deserves to burn in Hell for all eternity!” Someone else declared, “Nay, to cut it off is a duty, for it is nothing but a mere appendage!” to which the first objected, maintaining that it should not be cut off and saying, “Verily,
