it with the parting words "I know tomorrow will be better!"
Learning an English learner's native language, even if only to speak a small number of common words and phrases.
Try 2 × 10
The 2 × 10 strategy has been used as far back as 1983, when it was introduced by Ray Wlodkowski, and it has become a highly effective teaching practice that appears to work almost universally. The strategy is simple: spend 2 minutes per day for 10 consecutive days talking with an at-risk student about anything the student wants to talk about. Many teachers use this technique with all students. The 2 × 10 strategy takes the pressure off both you and the student. It's a brief intervention for at-risk students and a great relationship-building activity.
This strategy is particularly helpful, according to teachers at all grade levels, in dealing with disruptive students. Practice with one student at a time. Most likely, you will find that after the 10 days, you can have brief positive encounters with that student and maintain a healthy relationship.
Mrs. Walshart has assigned her students to cooperative groups to work on their science project. Avi just couldn't settle down and was interrupting the students in his group as well as students in other groups. Rather than reprimand him (an action that might lead to another struggle), Mrs. Walshart called him up to her desk and began talking to him about what had been going on in his life. Much to her surprise, Avi told her that his father had left home two weeks earlier, his mother was looking for a job, and he (Avi) was in charge of his younger sister both before and after school. It was little wonder that Avi was not himself. After that short, barely two-minute talk, Mrs. Walshart sent Avi back to his group and asked him to listen to his teammates and try to contribute to the project. He did so with no further difficulties that day.
The next day, Mrs. Walshart asked Avi how things were going. He shared a funny story about breakfast being a disaster, as his mom usually fixed wonderful food, and he barely knew how to cook. Mrs. Walshart laughed along with Avi and then offered a brief story of her own. Avi's behavior was much better that day. Mrs. Walshart thought, "Two days down and eight to go!"
Her relationship with Avi and other students improved so much after using the strategy that, whenever she could, Mrs. Walshart took two minutes with other students and improved the overall quality of her relationships with them. Discipline problems were no longer the most important factor in her teaching.
Some teachers say they don't have time to use the strategy—they're seemingly unable to find even two minutes per day to talk to a student. In such cases, I ask if I or someone else can come into the classroom to observe. I know how busy teachers are; I may have said the same thing years ago. When I observe the class, I am focusing on time—our most precious commodity. It never fails that if I am in the class at the right moment, I will see a teacher spending time—from a few seconds to a few minutes—correcting student behavior. I write down the times when this occurs, and after class the teacher and I talk about not only the time spent with the corrections, but also the amount of time needed to get back on task—for both the teacher and the student. Usually it's more than two minutes.
I think many kids desperately want to talk to someone. The first step in the 2 × 10 strategy may be the hardest, and with really tough cases, you may want to start a conversation with a student who likes to speak with you, and do so near the target student. You might even invite that student into the conversation. Remember, it's not a conversation about schoolwork. It's a conversation about getting to know each other.
The following is one of my favorite stories about relationship building, involving a sophomore in my basic English class.
Will was a little bit scary to me. He wore a black leather jacket that he never took off, black pants, black leather boots, and chains of some sort hanging from several pockets. When I tried to engage him in class, he looked at me like … well, like he didn't care for me—or perhaps any other human. He was the only student in my class with whom I could not build rapport. One day, I was walking down the hall and saw Will at his locker. He had earbuds in his ears, and as he turned around, there I was! I think it surprised him. I had been hoping to avoid him; but here we were, face to face, and he looked at me quizzically. I didn't know what to say, but knew I had to say something. I opened with, "Hi, Will! What are you listening to?" It was a rock group—heavy metal, I think—and I had never heard of them. He sort of grunted the name. I responded, "Can I listen?" He took the earbuds out of his ears and offered them to me. They were connected to his phone. I listened for a minute or so; I could barely stand the music. At what I thought was an appropriate time, I took the buds out, smiling all the while, and said, "Cool! Thanks!" He continued to look at me like I might be a bit crazy, so I said, "That brightened my day! I'll see you in class!"
If I told you he magically became a model student after that encounter, I would be lying. But to me it was magic, because from that point on, he looked at me with less disdain. He didn't offer to answer questions, nor did he ask any, but he spoke when spoken to. He nodded to me and a few others in the class. It was amazing. I never caught him in the hall again, but when I saw him in the cafeteria (I always make a point of eating in the cafeteria with the students on Fridays—another way to build relationships), we exchanged a few words and sometimes I even got a smile.
Like some other teachers, you may feel that you have nothing in common with some students, but you do. You just have to find out what it is. To begin, don't lead with a question. The students who most need the 2 × 10 strategy are often reluctant to answer, and in their experience, teachers do nothing but ask questions. Instead, try to begin with a comment. "My daughter has those jeans! She loves them, and she wears them all the time. I was thinking about getting a pair. Are they comfortable?" Even if I only get a nod in response, I've begun to set something up. Here's another example: "I'm trying to figure out what to get my son for his birthday. Any great ideas come to mind? I was thinking about a ___." Students are almost always responsive to this one. I've shared a little of my life with them this way, and my hope is that with the next encounter, they'll share a little of their life with me. If you have done any "getting to know you" activities (such as "A River Runs Through Us," described on page 34), you may lead with a bit of information you gleaned from those.
Assign Seats
What? How does assigned seating build relationships with students? When students know they have a place in your classroom, that knowledge builds on the idea that they belong somewhere. This is one of those simple background strategies that may be particularly effective with students who find that school is a safer place than home. "My seat. My space. My photos. My cubby. My team." All these possessives may be meaningful to your kids—you know, those kids who become "my kids!" You carry them with you in your heart forever—as I do with Will, the "scary" student in my basic English class. He grew up, gave up the motorcycle. (Did I mention the motorcycle? That explains the leather.) He married a niece of one of the teachers. They are living happily ever after.
Schedule Advisories
Advisory class meetings are another way to build relationships, and they're great for all grade levels. Usually scheduled at the beginning of the day, advisory groups at the middle-grade levels then travel together to their classes. The brain loves ritual, and this daily get-together allows students to share their feelings, listen respectfully (an ability that is a characteristic of self-control), and comment in positive ways. Students who are coming from chaotic homes and those who have experienced trauma may find that this is a special place to belong. They have a group in which they can share information with a caring adult who is overseeing the dialogue that takes place. Advisories can have a calming effect and prepare students emotionally for the academic day.
At the high school level, many of the purposes
