not ready to be loved like crazy—and especially the one you love like crazy—who just isn’t ready for you.
You need to trust and be trusted, break and be broken. You need to feel that powerful, eyes-across-the-room kind of passion—and you need to know what a partner feels like, too. The one who won’t just kiss you like you’ve never been kissed—but who will see your beauty in the messyhaired mornings and want to be there—want to be there—when you’re sick. And hurt. And insecure. And stressed. And, well—for all those other things life throws at us after the photo-op and Instagram post and beachy sandy picture part of the love story fades away.
Because it does. It always does.
Love isn’t always shiny. It’s not always starry eyes and holding hands. It’s not always forever. Love is learning. And growing. And patient. And deep. It’s a kiss goodnight even when they’re mad at you. Someone who doesn’t think a fight is the end. It’s the one who answers your calls and is patient through your chaos—the one who listens and watches and waits. So while you’re out there trying to figure it all out, just do me one favor. Count all these experiences you’re having—even the ones you don’t want—as stepping stones. As a foundation. As an essential part of your journey. Because each one, love—each one—brings you that much closer.
To real.
So if you remember nothing else from the beginning or the middle or the end of your love stories—and there will be more love stories—remember this:
It is ok to forgive yourself for all the things you did when love was leading you.
with love.
**
Let’s Break It Down Like This
1. The Beginning A few things to get us started
2. “This Cannot Be Happening.” When it all comes crumbling down.
3. “I Do Not Deserve This.” What you will tell yourself at the beginning.
4. “Well, Maybe I Do Deserve This.” No, you don’t deserve this.
5. “Don’t You Dare Pick Up That Phone.” Wanting the answers only they have.
6. “Throw Out the Toothbrush.” Throwing out the past so you can face the future.
7. “I Keep Forgetting I Can’t Call.” Wanting to talk to someone who isn’t yours.
8. “One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.” The seesaw of weakness and strength.
9. “I’m Going to Be Alone Forever.” The lies your heart tells you when it’s broken.
10. “But Everybody Else Has It Already.” The pressure of time.
11. “Bodies, Faces, and Shopping Sprees.” How loss changes you, and why you change because of it.
12. “I Will Never Love Like This Again.” Yes, you will love like this again.
13. “It Ended for a Reason.” Most of the questions, some of the answers.
Epilogue: “What I Was Supposed to Learn from This.”
How to Read This Book
What I really want to do is tell you what this book isn’t. But first, I know I have to tell you what it is. So, let me do that. This is a book that starts at an ending. To find a beginning.
I use the word “untangling” for that.
But—you might call it breaking up. Or ending a relationship. Or getting a divorce. Or one of nine million other things that label the end of our love stories. And you know, in simply writing that—that this book is about endings—I feel like I am doing you a complete disservice. Because that is most certainly not just what this book is about.
And if you’re browsing through the shelves at some book store—or scanning this online—I don’t want you to think that this book isn’t for you just because you’re not in that place right now. You’re happy in your life—in your relationship—and so when you read what I just wrote, maybe you end up putting this book down. Take it off your list. Say, that’s not for me. Because, well, you don’t need to reflect on endings right now, right?
Oh, love—wrong.
Whether you’re facing an ending right now or not—I’ll bet you can at least admit that you’ve been through your fair share. Some of them you understand well, and others—they probably still tuck you into bed at night. Don’t they? With questions. With hurt. With unresolved feelings. Maybe—even with a little regret. And so that, coupled with the simple truth that all of us will face endings throughout our lifetimes—way more often than we’d like, and certainly more than we ever prepare ourselves for—is what brings me to my point.
The ending is never the story. But the ending is often what leads us to the story.
And so that is what this book is about.
The story of what comes next.
And about being stuck in the middle. And self-growth. And reflection. But it’s also a book about finding happiness. And looking back just long enough to move forward. It’s about learning from your experiences instead of just having them. And mostly—this is a book about how to discover who you are when you are with other people—and what you choose to do with that.
So I’m just going to say this. To you. About how to read this book:
If you’re facing an ending right now, then start at
