The Silent Dreamer. Johnny Martinez-Carroll
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Completion of My GED
I signed up for GED classes while working at the mental health facility. They were offering these classes to anyone who was interested in getting their high school diploma. I was scared at first. I was thirty-two years old. I had been out of school for many years, but the thought of getting my GED was greater than my fears which was a first for me. I had started and quit things many times before. I seemed to have a knack for that. I recall the class starting out with around twenty to twenty-five students. Everyone was eager to learn including myself. I always felt that not finishing high school was a void in my life, something that was always missing. I would visit my mother and see pictures of my sisters in their caps and gowns. My picture was always missing. That always bothered me. I never talked about it until now. These classes were being taught by a retired school teacher. Like I mentioned earlier, the class has about twenty to twenty-five people enrolled in Week 1 of class. Each week, people dropped out. There were times that I even thought about dropping out myself. I thought to myself, I had already spent many years of not finishing things. This would be another to add to my list.
I decided to stay the course. By the end of the last couple of sessions, there was only one student standing. You guessed it, it was me. I already felt like a winner. I had made it this far. I thought to myself, If this retired teacher give off her time to come and teach me, the least I could do was show up for class. I recall our last session together as she prepared me for my GED test. She felt I could go further with my education. She already felt that I would pass the test. Again, someone else was seeing more in me than I saw in myself. The teacher recommended that I take some college course at the local community college. I took the test a week later, and I passed. My GED diploma is on my wall just like my degree hangs on my wall; it’s a reminder that you are never too old to learn. I thought of that teacher when I graduated from college with my bachelor’s degree. I thought of how proud she would have been for me, the guy who didn’t give up, the guy who grew up on a cotton plantation, and the one who some teachers made fun of in school, saying nothing good comes from there.
I have been called a lot of things. You can now call me a college graduate! That retired teacher who groomed me left a lasting impression on me. I will forever be grateful for Ms. Crowson. To this day, I am thankful that she never gave up on me. It’s a powerful thing when someone believes in you. When someone has that much belief in you and in your abilities, the sky is truly the limit. To this very day, the completion of my GED remains a great accomplishment in my life. It hangs on my office wall along with my degrees from the University of Phoenix. I feel that this is closed chapter in my life, something that I completed when I could have easily given up. I am amazed of what a person can accomplish in life when he or she has someone who believes in them. Growing up, I cannot say that I always felt that many people believed in me. I know that my parents did, and they did the best they could to show me. For them, life and making ends meet was a struggle. My mother was a single parent; she helped me with homework as much as she could. She only had a seventh-grade education; the best she could with me, her only little boy.
When I think of where I am today in terms of my education, the retired school teacher who prepared me for my GED test is always in my conversations. I am not even sure if she is still alive today, but she made a lasting impression on me. What a person can achieve in life is only when someone believes in them. All it takes is just one person who believes that they can conquer the world. Dorothy Crowson was that person in my life back in 1993. I have learned that you never get too old to learn. Learning is a part of living. Every day something is learned, something is processed in the mind, and we take something away from each day that we didn’t know the day before—whether we learn from others or we learn something about ourselves.
I have met a couple of people who have taken the same journey I did in getting my GED, not many but I have met a few who share the same story I am writing about, and I love hearing how they got to where they are today. Everyone has a story to share, and I want to be the one who listens. This is my motto: Believe in yourself. I can say that growing up, I didn’t believe in myself very much. I wasn’t ever smart enough and didn’t look good enough. I just didn’t fit in; it’s a terrible thing when you don’t believe in yourself. It has almost taken me a lifetime to learn that it is okay to believe in me; others have believed in me. Why not believe in myself! I have learned to encourage others to go after their dreams, pursue their heart’s desires no matter what their age is. You still have time if you are still breathing! If receiving your high school diploma is important to you, go for it, pursue it with all you have, and accomplish what you never finished today!
Every day is another opportunity to learn and finish what was started earlier in life. You can begin right where you are at. Today is your day for a new beginning! Most people will not think of a high school diploma being a big deal, but for me, it was a great big deal. It was a sense of accomplishment, something that was completed finally after years of being unfinished business. Getting my high school diploma for me was personal; it was something that I felt needed to be done, needed to be completed. At the age of thirty-two years old, I really saw no need to have this accomplishment other than it being something that I had set out to do years ago and just never completed it. Not finishing high school and being a part of my graduating class, this kind of haunted me for years to the point where I felt like a failure in life. I have always been hard on myself, very critical of what I think of myself, not wanting to ever appear as someone who has failed in life. So getting my high school diploma would be something that made me feel like I did something great, something that would make me feel that I had finally done good in life. It’s a big deal! Small things in my life have always been a big deal for me. Any accomplishment, in my opinion, is a big deal, reason to celebrate.
As I have said before in recent years, get all the education that you can get in life. Keep moving forward and learn all you can. Education, what is in your mind cannot be taken away from you! Dorthy Crowson has been and will always will be one of my greatest influences. She taught me more than math, reading, and writing. She taught me how to believe in myself and how to reach higher. She wanted me to take college courses after getting my GED. She believed that I could take some courses at the local junior college. I did one better. Twenty years later, I received my bachelor’s degree from the University of Phoenix. I am so proud of that degree. I have lots of reasons to be! It’s not easy working full-time, helping my daughter raise her son, running my own electrical services business, and finding the time to do schoolwork, late nights and early mornings, not even having internet service at home when I first started. I spent lots of time at work. After working late on weekends, I was at my desk at work getting my assignments done. You do what you have to do to make it work.
My first computer for school was purchased at a local pawnshop. I used it for the first three years of school! When you want something bad enough, you go with what you have; you use what is in your hand! I don’t really think that many people aside from my family even believed that I would complete my degree. There were times when even I didn’t know if I would make it! This has been a huge accomplishment for me. Not only has it opened doors, but it has shown me that I can do anything that I set out to do in life. I can do it if I truly want it; it has given me so much confidence, so much hope. Dreams do come true for those who believe and work hard in life. I still get excited today when someone talks to me about completing their high school diploma. I get excited about sharing my story with them. Go for it! I do not take this achievement lightly; it’s a big deal in my opinion. It was for me. It should be for you as well!
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