adjutricem,--those who help with the hand, that is, those who give money, that will certainly partake of the merciful indulgences and treasures of the Church, and of the merits of Christ.' And this they told me all in German, for there was not one among them who could speak three words of Latin rightly.
"But I again renewed my petition, and showed them, how in the papal letter the holy father had commanded that these indulgences should be freely given to the poor, for God's sake, more especially as it was therein written: ad mandatum Domini papæ proprium, that is, by his highness the Pope's own commands.
"Then they went again to the proud, haughty monk, and begged him to grant my petition, for I was a deep-thinking and eloquent youth, who deserved that more should be bestowed upon him than upon others. But they brought back the same answer. I remained firm, however, and said that they did great injustice to me, a poor boy whom neither God nor the Pope would shut out from grace, and whom they wanted to discard for the sake of a few pence, which I had not. Then followed a dispute. They said I must give something, however little, if it was only a few groschen, that the helping hand might not be wanting. I answered, 'I have it not, I am poor.' At last it came to this, I was to give six pfennige, to which I replied again, 'I have not a single pfennig.' They tried to persuade me, and conferred together. At last I heard them say that they were in anxiety on two points; first, they must on no account let me go without the indulgence, as this might be a concerted plan, and lead to mischief hereafter, for it was clearly written in the Pope's letter that indulgences were to be given free to the poor; but on the other hand, it was necessary to take something from me, that others might not hear that they were given away gratis, in which case a whole crowd of poor scholars and beggars would come and demand them. They need not have had any anxiety on this account, for the poor beggars would rather seek for bread to drive away their hunger.
"After they had taken counsel they came again to me, and offered me six pfennige, that I might give it to the commissary; by this contribution they said that I should become one of the builders of the church of St. Peters at Rome, a slayer of the Turks, and partaker of the indulgence and grace of Christ. But I spoke out freely, stirred by the Holy Spirit, and said that if I was to buy indulgence and remission of sins, I could sell one of my books, and obtain it with my own money; but I wished to have it given me freely for God's sake, or they would have to answer before God, for having trifled with the happiness of my soul for the sake of six pfennige, when both God and the Pope desired that I should be partaker of the forgiveness of sins for charity sake. I said this, but truly did not know how it stood with the letters of indulgence.
"After this speech the priests inquired of me from whence I had been sent, and who had instructed me to deal with them about this matter. Then I told them the simple truth, how it was that I had not been told or sent by any one, or induced to come by other men's counsel, but had of myself made this request, in full trust and confidence in the free and charitable gift of forgiveness of sins; and I had never before in my life spoken to, or dealt with such great people, for I was by nature modest; and if I had not been constrained by my great thirst for the mercy of God, I should not have ventured on so high an undertaking. Then they again offered me the indulgence, but in this way: I was to buy it with six pfennige, and these pfennige were to be returned to me for myself. But I remained firm that he who had the power should give me the indulgence free; and if he would not, I would commend the affair to my dear God, and resign myself into his hands; and so they dismissed me.
"The holy thieves were however sorrowful over this affair. I too was somewhat troubled that I had not got my indulgence; yet I also rejoiced that in spite of them there was one in heaven who would forgive the sins of the penitent sinner, without money and without price, according to the text which I had often repeated in church: 'As I live, saith the Lord God, I would not the death of a sinner, but that he should be converted and live.' Ah, dear Lord God, thou knowest that I have not lied or invented.
"I was so overcome by all this, that whilst I was going home to my lodging, I was dissolved in tears. When I arrived there, I went into my room and took the crucifix, that always lay on the table in my study, placed it on the bench, and fell down before it on the ground. I cannot here describe it, but I then felt the spirit of prayer and grace, which thou, my God and Lord, pouredst out upon me. The purport of my prayer was this, I beg that thou, dear God, wouldst be my father, and wouldst forgive me my sins. I resign myself to thee altogether and entirely; thou mayest do with me what thou pleasest, and though the priests will not be merciful to me without money, be thou my merciful God and Father.
"Then I found that my whole heart was changed: I felt vexed with all worldly things, and imagined that I was quite wearied with this life. Only one thing I desired, which was, to live for God and to please Him. But who was there that could teach me, and how was I to effect this? For the Word, the light and life of men, was throughout the whole world buried in the darkness of human traditions and the mad idea of 'good works.' Of Christ nothing was said, nothing was known of Him; or if He was mentioned, He was represented to us as an angry and terrible judge, whom his mother and all the saints in heaven could hardly appease, or persuade to be merciful even by tears of blood; and it was said that He, Christ, would cast those men who repented, for seven years into purgatory for every mortal sin: there was no difference between the pains of purgatory and those of hell, except that they were not eternal. But now the Holy Spirit gave me the hope that God would be merciful unto me.
"After this I began to consider how I was to enter upon a new course of life. I saw the sinfulness of the whole world, and of the whole human race. I saw my own manifold sins which were so very great. I had heard somewhat of the great holiness and of the pure and innocent life of monks; how they served God day and night, were separated from all the wickedness of the world, and lived a temperate, pious, and chaste life, performed masses, sang psalms, and were always fasting and praying. I had also seen something of this plausible life, but I did not know that it was the greatest idolatry and hypocrisy.
"I consulted with my preceptor, the master Andreas Staffeltstein, who was rector of the school; he advised me to enter the newly built Franciscan monastery, and for fear I should change my mind through any long delay, he went himself with me to the monks, praised my talents and intellect, and boasted that in me alone amongst all his scholars he had perfect confidence, that I should become a truly godly man.
"I desired, however, beforehand to mention my undertaking to my parents, and to hear their opinion upon it, as I was their only son and heir; but the monks showed me out of St. Jerome that I ought not to regard father or mother, but leave them, and take up the cross of Christ. And they quoted the saying of Christ: 'No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God;' and thus they pressed me to become a monk. I will not here speak of the many bonds and fetters with which they bound and shackled my conscience. They told me I could never henceforth be happy if I did not at once accept the offered grace of God; and as I would rather have died than have been deprived of the grace of God and eternal life, I at once consented, and promised that I would in three days return to the monastery, and commence my year of probation, as it is called; that is, I would become a pious, devout, and God-fearing monk.
"On the 14th of July, in the year 1510, about two o'clock in the afternoon, I entered the monastery, accompanied by my preceptor, some of my schoolfellows, and certain devout matrons, to whom I had partly explained why I entered the ecclesiastical order. I then gave my blessing to all who had thus accompanied me, who with many tears implored for me God's grace and blessing. And so it came to pass that I went into a monastery. Dear God, thou knowest that this is all true. It was not a life of idleness nor good living that I sought, nor yet the odour of sanctity, but I wished to please thee, and to serve thee well.
"Thus for a time I groped on in great darkness."
CHAPTER V.
OUT OF THE MONASTERY INTO THE CONFLICT.
