Hey! Begin! Androgyne, where are you? Quick! (To Companion.) Play! I like that “Dance of the Wrathful Road.” It’s the path of our life. Oh, don’t joke! even we can be serious! It’s the path of our life with its fatal dangers! One must be very clever not to suffer on this wrathful road. Play, girl! Grusha, dance! Begin! (Companion begins Bach’s bourrée in E sharp. Fool and Arab laugh merrily. Enter Maid and begins to dance.)
(Curtain)
THE CHOICE OF A TUTOR
By Denis von Vísin
Characters
Count and Countess Weakhead
| Wisely The Young Count Countess Folliest | Flatternot Nurses Pelican |
Servant
The Choice of a Tutor
Scene I
Countess Weakhead (looking at the time): It has only just struck eight. Why have you risen so early, Count?
Count: In the country it is a good thing to get up a little early.
Countess: Yes, but not for a count. Your highness ought to live like a count; we do not have to manage our affairs; thank God, we own three thousand souls, and it will last our time; and then I am not educated to look after things.
Count: True, Countess; and I do not know anyone of your father's line who would be able to manage affairs. The line of Whirligigs is noble, I agree; but not one Whirligig can manage affairs.
Countess: Certainly; I, although not a countess in my own right, am, however, of a good family of nobles, and I think that my line does no discredit to the line of the Counts Weakhead.
Count: Countess, friend, I rose early to-day because I am concerned for the education of our Count Basil. Everyone tells me that he should now have a tutor: where will you find one here in the country?
Countess: It seems to me, it would not be a bad thing to discuss it with our marshal. Although he is not very nice to ladies, yet for Count Basil’s sake I am ready to speak to him; I only fear that he will give our son as instructor such a bear as himself. I mortally dislike serious faces
Count: I doubt whether Mr. Wisely be capable to choose an instructor for the son of Count Weakhead and his countess, born a Whirligig.
Countess: However that may be, I have already sent for him. I think that our Mr. Wisely will not be too proud to visit Count Weakhead. There, he has come already.
Wisely (enters): You were pleased to send for me, and I supposed that you perhaps called me on urgent business, and did not delay to come to you.
Countess: I beg you to take a seat and converse with us about a very important matter.
Wisely (sitting): What can I do?
Count: We have a son of ten years; we wish to give him a tutor. You are our marshal; be so kind, advise us.
Wisely: The matter is important, certainly, as it concerns the education and consequently the well-being of a young noble; but it is not such an affair that I need to have come to you.
Count: I feel that it was my duty to go to you myself, but my countess inconsiderately and without asking me sent for you; excuse the impatience of a countess.
Wisely: I am not at all offended; on the contrary, I am pleased that you would have come to me on this business. By my position I know all our nobles. Recently I made the acquaintance of a gentleman who not long ago bought a small village in our district — a Major Flatternot. If he were to consent to educate your son, would you be pleased?
Count (after a pause): Countess, speak!
Countess: A Russian tutor! I do not like that very much.
Count: Does he know French?
Wisely: Better than many of those Frenchmen whom you would be glad to receive in your house.
Count: What is his character?
Wisely: His name is Flatternot, and he is quite worthy of that name.
Countess (sotto voce): A rude fellow, I am sure.
Wisely: Is it really to be rude not to flatter?
Countess: Almost.
Wisely: Allow me to assure you that from the person I recommend as instructor for your son you will have neither rudeness nor flattery.
Count: We, on our side, will neglect nothing to show him our respect, and will always call him “Your Honour.”
Wisely: That is, you expect him every minute to call you “Your Highness.”
Countess: It seems to me that everyone should be given his proper title.
Wisely: But you consent to call him “Your Honour” for another reason.
Count: Which?
Wisely: So that all should know that your son’s tutor is a major.
Countess: And is that a great thing? My son is a count, and it seems to me that the major is not humbling himself to undertake his education.
Wisely: Mr. Flatternot certainly will not consider it a particular honour to be tutor to your son; and if he does consent to undertake this position, it will be certainty only in order to be useful to a brother nobleman.
Countess: I think, however, that rank is merit.
Wisely: The least of all human merits. To be born a count is not difficult, and one may by right of rank be called “Highness” without having high qualities, such as zealousness to be useful to one’s country. You, your highness! how have you served the country?
Count: I was a subaltern in the Guards, with a captain’s grade on retirement.
Wisely: Do not you yourself show the vanity of your rank as count? I wager that your son, if he is taught by Mr. Flatternot, will have quite another sort of ideas, and will be worthy of the honour which the path of nature opens to him.
Count: I was unlucky in my service. I could not reach major, and am now obliged to nag about the country.
Countess (sotto voce): This man is irritating me! If Mr. Flatternot reached major, I think he will teach my son to reach the same.
Wisely: Have no doubt of that; he will teach your son to receive promotion in the service of his country, and not by bowing in great gentlemen’s antechambers.
Countess: Maid! Call Count Basil here.
Maid:
