not three good men unhang’d in England; and one of them is fat, and grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing. A plague of all cowards! I say still.
PRINCE.
How now, woolsack? what mutter you?
FAL. A king’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales!
PRINCE.
Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?
FAL.
Are not you a coward? answer me to that:—and Pointz there?
POINTZ. Zwounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I’ll stab thee.
FAL. I call thee coward! I’ll see thee damn’d ere I call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound, I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders; you care not who sees your back: call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day.
PRINCE.
O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.
FAL.
All is one for that. A plague of all cowards! still say I.
[Drinks.]
PRINCE.
What’s the matter?
FAL. What’s the matter? there be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning.
PRINCE.
Where is it, Jack? where is it?
FAL.
Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us!
PRINCE.
What, a hundred, man?
FAL. I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ‘scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hack’d like a handsaw,—ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.
PRINCE.
Speak, sirs; how was it?
GADS.
We four set upon some dozen,—
FAL.
Sixteen at least, my lord.
GADS. —and bound them.
PETO.
No, no; they were not bound.
FAL. You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.
GADS.
As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men sea upon us,—
FAL.
And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.
PRINCE.
What, fought you with them all?
FAL. All? I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.
PRINCE.
Pray God you have not murdered some of them.
FAL.
Nay, that’s past praying for: I have pepper’d two of them; two I
am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what,
Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse.
Thou knowest my old ward: here I lay, and thus I bore my point.
Four rogues in buckram let drive at me,—
PRINCE.
What, four? thou saidst but two even now.
FAL.
Four, Hal; I told thee four.
POINTZ.
Ay, ay, he said four.
FAL. These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus.
PRINCE.
Seven? why, there were but four even now.
FAL.
In buckram?
POINTZ.
Ay, four, in buckram suits.
FAL.
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
PRINCE. [aside to Pointz.] Pr’ythee let him alone; we shall have more anon.
FAL.
Dost thou hear me, Hal?
PRINCE.
Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
FAL. Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of,—
PRINCE.
So, two more already.
FAL. —their points being broken,—
POINTZ.
Down fell their hose.
FAL. —began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid.
PRINCE.
O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two!
FAL.
But, as the Devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal
Green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal,
that thou couldst not see thy hand.
PRINCE. These lies are like the father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou nott-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene greasy tallow-keech,—
FAL.
