be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord: banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Pointz; but, for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
PRINCE.
I do, I will.
[A knocking heard.]
[Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph.]
[Enter Bardolph, running.]
BARD. O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.
FAL. Out, ye rogue!—Play out the play: I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
[Re-enter the Hostess, hastily.]
HOST.
O Jesu, my lord, my lord,—
PRINCE.
Heigh, heigh! the Devil rides upon a fiddlestick: what’s the matter?
HOST. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?
FAL. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad without seeming so.
PRINCE.
And thou a natural coward, without instinct.
FAL. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.
PRINCE. Go, hide thee behind the arras:—the rest walk, up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.
FAL. Both which I have had; but their date is out, and therefore I’ll hide me.
PRINCE.
Call in the sheriff.—
[Exeunt all but the Prince and Pointz.]
[Enter Sheriff and Carrier.]
Now, master sheriff, what’s your will with me?
SHER.
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue-and-cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.
PRINCE.
What men?
SHER.
One of them is well known, my gracious lord,—
A gross fat man.
CAR.
As fat as butter.
PRINCE.
The man, I do assure you, is not here;
For I myself at this time have employ’d him.
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee,
That I will, by tomorrow dinner-time,
Send him to answer thee, or any man,
For any thing he shall be charged withal:
And so, let me entreat you leave the house.
SHER.
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
PRINCE.
It may be so: if he have robb’d these men,
He shall be answerable; and so, farewell.
SHER.
Good night, my noble lord.
PRINCE.
I think it is good morrow, is it not?
SHER.
Indeed, my lord, I think’t be two o’clock.
[Exit Sheriff and Carrier.]
PRINCE.
This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, call him forth.
POINTZ. Falstaff!—fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.
PRINCE.
Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
[Pointz searches.]
What hast thou found?
POINTZ.
Nothing but papers, my lord.
PRINCE.
Let’s see what they be: read them.
POINTZ. [reads]
Item, A capon, … … … 2s. 2d.
Item, Sauce, … … … … . . 4d.
Item, Sack two gallons ,… 5s. 8d.
Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d.
Item, Bread, … … … … . .ob.
PRINCE. O monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. I’ll to the Court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and I know his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow, Pointz.
POINTZ.
Good morrow, good my lord.
[Exeunt.]
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