down to that nourishment which is called supper: so much for the time When. Now for the ground Which? which, I mean, I walk’d upon: it is ycliped thy park. Then for the place Where? where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene and most prepost’rous event that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-colored ink which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy curious-knotted garden. There did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth”—
Cost. Me?
King [Reads.] “that unlettered small-knowing soul”—
Cost. Me?
King [Reads.] “that shallow vassal”—
Cost. Still me?
King [Reads.] “which, as I remember, hight Costard”—
Cost. O! me.
King [Reads.] “sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon; which with—O, with—but with this I passion to say wherewith”—
Cost. With a wench.
King [Reads.] “with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or for thy more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I (as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on) have sent to thee, to receive the meed of punishment, by thy sweet Grace’s officer, Anthony Dull, a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.”
Dull. Me, an’t shall please you: I am Anthony Dull.
King [Reads.] “For Jaquenetta (so is the weaker vessel called), which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain, I keep her as a vessel of thy law’s fury, and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring her to trial. Thine, in all complements of devoted and heart-burning heat of duty,
Don Adriano de Armado.”
Ber. This is not so well as I look’d for, but the best that ever I heard.
King. Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this?
Cost. Sir, I confess the wench.
King. Did you hear the proclamation?
Cost. I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it.
King. It was proclaim’d a year’s imprisonment to be taken with a wench.
Cost. I was taken with none, sir, I was taken with a damsel.
King. Well, it was proclaim’d damsel.
Cost. This was no damsel neither, sir, she was a virgin.
[King.] It is so varied too, for it was proclaim’d virgin.
Cost. If it were, I deny her virginity; I was taken with a maid.
King. This maid will not serve your turn, sir.
Cost. This maid will serve my turn, sir.
King. Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water.
Cost. I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
King.
And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o’er,
And go we, lords, to put in practice that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
[Exeunt King, Longaville, and Dumaine.]
Ber.
I’ll lay my head to any good man’s hat,
These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on.
Cost. I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl, and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again, and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!
Exeunt.
¶
[Scene II]
Enter Armado and Moth, his page.
Arm. Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
Moth. A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
Arm. Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
Moth. No, no, O Lord, sir, no.
Arm. How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?
Moth. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough signior.
Arm. Why tough signior? Why tough signior?
Moth. Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
Arm. I spoke it tender juvenal as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
Moth. And I tough signior as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
Arm. Pretty and apt.
Moth. How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
Arm. Thou pretty, because little.
Moth. Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
Arm. And therefore apt, because quick.
Moth. Speak you this in my praise, master?
Arm. In thy condign praise.
Moth. I will praise an eel with the same praise.
Arm. What? that an eel is ingenious?
Moth. That an eel is quick.
Arm. I do say thou art quick in answers; thou heat’st my blood.
Moth. I am answer’d, sir.
Arm. I love not to be cross’d.
Moth [Aside.] He speaks the mere contrary, crosses love not him.
Arm.
