What is the environmental trigger? What was the thing that happened that led to the emotions now leading to your urges to respond in a particular way? For example, your partner told you that he was going to be home for dinner, and you become angry when your mother calls to tell you that she thinks she saw him having a drink with his friends at a bar.
What is your internal mood state? Label the emotion. In this example, you notice feeling jealous and then angry that your partner has been dismissive of you. You also notice feeling confused and then upset with your mother because she isn’t actually certain that it was him.
What is your short-term objective in the present moment? In this example, you want to make sure that you’re in a calmer state by the time your partner comes home so that you don’t accuse him of doing something that he might not actually have done.
What is your long-term goal? You want to be able to trust your partner and have calm conversations with him — ones that are direct and full of curiosity.
What actions will be consistent with your long-term goal? Will your actions allow you to accomplish your goal? Will being upset help you attain this goal, or should you regulate to a state of being calmer and recognize that you have only a tiny snippet of information on which you and your mother may have come to unhelpful conclusions?
If you act on your urge, will this help you attain your goal, or will it interfere with attaining your goal? If you start yelling at your partner the second he walks through the door, accusing him of being uncaring and a liar, will this help you have a more trusting relationship with him? On the other hand, if he is being dismissive of you, will simply being angry without being curious as to what happened be consistent with how you value yourself?
If you act on your urge, will you later regret having so acted? What have past experiences taught you? Have you yelled at past partners, and if so, how did these relationships end up?
While these questions may seem obvious to a person who doesn’t engage in mood-dependent behavior, they reflect the mindful path to limiting a trigger’s disruption to one’s quality of life and significant relationships.
Minimizing their power
There are several ways to reduce the impact of emotional triggers, as you find out in the following sections.
Reducing the size of the response
The first way to reduce the impact of an emotional trigger is to reduce the magnitude of the emotional response. There are various ways to do this:
Having a time delay: The simplest way to minimize the impact of strong emotions is to let time pass before making a decision. The reason this makes sense is because at a neurological level, unless the person keeps ruminating about the situation, emotions are short-lived. The physiological manifestations of any emotion are fleeting and fade quickly. However, because strong emotions compel people to action, letting time pass is easier said than done.
Using suppression: This would be the type of reaction where, for example, a person is asked to control their anger. Unfortunately, research shows that suppression is counterproductive. It often leads to the intensifying of the very emotional state that you’re trying to suppress.
Reframing the trigger with reappraisal
A more helpful approach is the practice of reappraisal. Reappraisal means reframing the meaning of the triggering event that led to the emotional response. It’s the strongest way to weaken the power of the emotional response. An example of reappraisal is, for instance, recognizing that failing a single test isn’t the end of the world (“It’s just one test. I can study more for the next one and get some help from my teacher.”) or by noticing “the fact that I lost my job means that I can pursue some other long-term dreams.”
This approach is consistent with the practice of changing your relationship to the problem in DBT problem-solving. In contrast to suppression, reappraisal not only reduces negative feelings as a response to triggering events but also reduces the body’s and brain’s biological responses. People who use reappraisal typically have more positive emotional experiences and show fewer episodes of unwanted emotions.
Using the concept of opposite action
Another useful approach is the practice of inducing a counteracting emotional state. The idea behind this is to counteract a maladaptive behavior caused by an intense emotion by inducing another emotion, one that triggers opposing or differing action urges or tendencies. For example, say that your best friend had promised to call you last night and she didn’t. You’re angry and all you want to do is rage at her and tell her what a terrible friend she is. If instead, you could conjure up the love you have for her and all the wonderful ways that she has been there for you in the past, you would be opposing hatred with love. This practice is consistent with the emotion regulation skill of opposite action in DBT.
Opposite action works best when your emotions do not fit the facts of a current situation. If you’re afraid of a rattlesnake in your living room in Arizona, then the fear fits the facts and it’s justified if the snake is there. If the snake isn’t there, then the fear doesn’t fit the facts and is unjustified. If the emotion doesn’t fit the facts, this means that its intensity and duration aren’t effective in helping you achieve your long-term goals.
If you’re going to use opposite action, it’s important to throw yourself fully into the skill. Engage in behaviors that are opposite or different to the ones that you feel the urge to do, and then use opposite emotion words, thoughts, facial expressions, tone of voice, and body posture. For instance, consider these examples:
Fear: If you feel afraid, approach the situation or trigger that gives you anxiety. Try to face your fear. Engage in behaviors that increase your sense of control over your fear. You can repeatedly expose yourself to your unjustified fear in order to desensitize yourself. For instance, if you’re afraid of speaking to your boss, then you can repeatedly practice approaching her with confidence.
Anger: If you are angry at someone and feel like lashing out, you can instead initially avoid them rather than attack them, and then practice empathy for them and the behavior that made them do what they did. You can try to find the kernel of truth in their actions. Something caused their actions. Be curious about what it was.
Sadness: If you’re feeling low or depressed, rather than avoiding, isolating, or staying in bed, you can approach, engage, and get out of bed. You don’t isolate, but instead engage in activities that connect and keep you active and busy.
Shame: If you feel shame over something you have done and the
