her plea at nine for an elephant. Her mom tells her such large animals need the freedom to roam and unlike dogs and cats, majestic creatures like lions, tigers, and yes, elephants, should not be kept for the amusement of people. Their needs differ. They take her to the circus and zoos only to show her how miserable these beings are in captivity. The girl understands, and it ticks her off, so she rants to Pots. To compensate, Pots, um, Ms. Goodhands, devises a scheme for Fontaine to name all the circus animals. In time, she concocts an ingenious plan to have the parents buy the circus and move the animals to their native habitats. Don’t ask how so gets them to agree, you don’t want to know. She has a way about her.
In her teenage years, Fontaine is a firecracker, setting the world alight. She involves herself in such a wide variety of hobbies it’s hard to keep up with the activities the adolescent partakes in. Tennis, soccer, theatrics, horseback riding, camping; you name it, she does it. A real pistol, she puts 100 percent into everything. Support and encouragement from her parents are commendable and Ms. Goodhands, her Nanny, is always available to assist, if not downright take part in the action. A former early teen model and beauty queen, she channels Fontaine through the rigorous demands and ropes of pageants. Particular attention is made in teaching her how to fend off the perverts of the business.
Over a two-year stretch, the teen beauty racked up three prize-winning crowns at the city, state, and regional levels. Runner up was her take from participation in the nationals. A trophy room was set aside for her awards and plaques. Through it all, she never gives an inkling of having a big head. She is down-to-earth and humble. Child-rearing takes its toll on Ms. Goodhands.
Business Management and Marketing Strategies dominated Fontaine’s college acumen. After graduating top of her class from the prestigious Harvard University, she starts a cancer research corporation. One would guess she gets the drive from her mother.
At 32, Fontaine desires to settle down and start a family of her own. She meets Victor, 35, and becomes infatuated. They meet at Alderleaf College in Washington state. Their website declares:
“Welcome to Alderleaf Wilderness College, wilderness survival school, permaculture training, and outdoor education center. Alderleaf offers courses on wilderness survival, wild edible & medicinal plants, permaculture, wildlife tracking, naturalist skills, and outdoor education in the Pacific Northwest.”
The curriculum is well-thought-out and fun. For the most part, lessons are hands-on. Although a breeze for Fontaine because of Ms. Goodhands teachings, a lot of new ideas and methods have developed since. They will serve a lifetime and come in handy.
Embarrassment at not being able to swim perturbs Victor. The course includes mandatory lessons. How will he explain his inability and fear? A pow-wow with the empathetic lead instructor assuages his dread. Experts, they will give extra attention and time to Victor. By no means is he the first student with such an impediment. Things turn out superb and Victor completes the module with a passing score. He’s now certified as a survival swimmer and rescuer.
Successful completion of the coursework results from the two of them working to assist each other. Victor’s ability to apply real-world solutions to enduring situations, no matter the circumstances, comes from Andrei’s teachings. An edict of his is, if he needs to learn something, he will know it by tomorrow, as will everyone on his team. Distasteful to Victor is the practical application of cleaning fresh-caught fish. He dislikes the task, so it becomes Fontaine’s chore. No problem. The companionship thrives into romance.
It is amazing the pair are an item. When Fontaine and Victor touch upon politics and a host of other topics, they are worlds apart. Victor disdains capitalism, is down on the United States, hates the police, etcetera. The comparison to long-time political figures James Carville and Mary Matalin, he who served under President Clinton, and she who worked for President George H. W. Bush, come to mind. The two agree to disagree and not discuss certain subjects.
Never abused or subject to serious harassment, she’s careful, having received her share of whistles and catcalls. Boys will be boys and men will be men. Victor is different (and that’s an understatement). He makes her feel at ease and treats her like a lady, not an object.
The two seldom argue, and as one may guess, Fontaine wears the pants, so most often than not, she wins. A vast majority of their spats deal with politics; the benefits of conservatism versus liberalism and capitalism versus socialism. They always make up and never go to bed angry. Another key to marriage success is they maintain mutual respect for each other’s feelings. They may not like what the other is doing or how they feel, but they accept it.
Ms. Goodhands was anal about teaching Fontaine the downside of the male species, in age-appropriate segments, throughout the girl’s phases. She was thorough, and rest assured, taught Fontaine the finer points of defending herself. Most women, if being beaten and raped, have no problem going for a man’s eyes. Sad to say, the hindrance is they attempt to scratch the eyeballs or face, a lesson in futility. Ms. Goodhands instructed Fontaine to go for removal of the eyes and educated her on how to do it.
Fontaine balked at first, stating, “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Look at it this way. Pretend it’s me, your mom, your best friend, or your daughter who’s being raped. Would you be able to take out the person’s eyes then?”
“Yes,” replies the girl.
“Then God forbid, if it ever happens to you, think it’s one of us it’s being done to.”
While not adamant against a person carrying pepper spray, Ms. Goodhands was never keen about it and will not recommend it to anyone except maybe an elderly or disabled person. A big no-no in her book is the use of wasp spray to fend off an attacker. Widespread touting on the internet to do this aside, she advises people to read the label of any can — “WARNING. Federal Law prohibits the use of this product for anything other than its intended use.” Sure, feel free to do so, but understand the consequences and be prepared for repercussions. And, as with pepper or any other spray, it can hit your face or eyes if the air is blowing in your direction.
Items designed and marketed as self-defense or protection tools have their rightful place. The downside is if an item is taken from you or knocked out of your hands, it can be used against you. Ms. Goodhands prefers the most powerful weapon ever devised, the human brain. It is the best instrument, along with the rest of a person’s body, one can ever hope for. Use it wisely and keep things uncomplicated. It’s prudent to get instruction and training. Unless for self-discipline, sport, or general historical interest, steer clear of traditional martial arts. Few teach adequate and realistic self-defense anymore. Learn how easy it is to crush a person’s throat and, in all likelihood, it’s all you’ll need to do.
Over the next year and a half, the two grow closer. Concerts, dinners, movies, and Renaissance Fairs, along with long walks and drives consisting of talks, fill their times together. Fontaine pays for most, but she does not mind. She introduces him to her parents over dinner at their home. They do not approve of this man. Both feel their daughter can do better. Defenders of an adult’s right to make their own decisions, minus hurting anyone else, neither confesses their aversion. Fontaine, however, is uncomfortable. Her intuition picks up on her parents’ dislike. She shares this with Ms. Goodhands.
“Do you love each other?
“Yes.”
“Then don’t be too concerned with your parent's lack of enthusiasm. They’ll come around soon enough.”
“What is it you see in him?” asks Fontaine’s mother. “He’s everything we stand against and he despises all we stand for.”
With halting speech,
