Staying Sober—No Matter What July 1992
The Gift that Never Dies August 2006
ENJOYING LIFE MORE THAN EVER BEFORE
The joy of living through working the AA program
Fear, Suspicion, Distrust May 1988
In Diversity Is Strength April 1982
Acceptance Is a Two-Way Street April 1985
Special Interest Groups? April 1989
Love and Tolerance November 1996
There Is Only One AA November 1984
You Are Not Done Yet March 2009
WELCOME
Sober & Out is a collection of Grapevine stories written primarily by alcoholics who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) members of AA. Here, along with stories from some other AA friends, they share their experience, strength and hope in recovery, as well as their personal struggles and their hard-fought triumphs.
Getting sober for any alcoholic can be difficult and the stories in this book show that—like most alcoholics—lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender AAs struggle to fit in, to stay sober and to find peace in their lives. Yet, by working the Steps, following the Traditions, doing service and finding a Higher Power, they are now living sober in the Fellowship of AA.
Alcoholism can be a lonely business, and AA has always sought to be inclusive in its membership, keeping its doors open for alcoholics of every description. As stated in AA’s Preamble, “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” And, while the LGBT members whose stories appear in this volume clearly meet that requirement, many have also faced challenges of acceptance and discrimination in getting sober. Some turned to the support, identification and understanding found in special-interest AA meetings with other LGBT members, though most have also found that attending regular meetings has helped to broaden and deepen their experience of recovery. Says one member, “When I hear the terms ‘straight AA’ or ‘gay AA,’ I cringe. There is only one AA, ‘a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.’”
While Grapevine has long been an avenue of expression for the individual stories of AA members, many LGBT members have been hesitant to share their experience, strength and hope openly in meetings, fearing rejection or judgment. However, more often than not, these fears have been unfounded and AA’s primary purpose has shone through. As one AA explains, “When I told my sponsor I am a lesbian, she said, ‘So what? You want to get sober, don’t you?’”
Ultimately, these AAs discovered that recovery from alcoholism is more important than their sexual orientation and that by staying sober and following AA’s program of recovery, full and purposeful lives could be built, one day at a time.
CHAPTER 1
AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?
What it was like for LGBT AAs and how they
reached out for recovery
Every alcoholic in recovery travels their own path to the doors of AA. The authors in this chapter are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Some didn’t realize their sexual orientation until after getting sober. Others knew who they were but were reluctant to share. But all found they had to be honest about themselves in order to stay sober.
Getting honest for any AA can be difficult, but it is worth it, writes one AA, recognizing “that somewhere among the readership of this magazine there are other persons like me, as I once was—shakily sober, but still living in guilt and the indescribable fear that homosexuality will prove to be an insurmountable obstacle in the path of sobriety and happiness. Have hope, my unknown friends,” he says. “You can be happy and live a useful life.”
The stories in this chapter show how gay and lesbian alcoholics recognized their alcoholism and—quickly or slowly—reached out for recovery and began to accept themselves and become part of the AA Fellowship.
Risking the Truth
FEBRUARY 1987
In Alcoholics Anonymous the importance of identification and honest sharing cannot be overemphasized. When I arrived at the doors of AA, I was isolated, frightened, and convinced that life would never improve. I had a vague hope that there could be something in AA for me—something that could make a sober and drug free life perhaps bearable—but I was not convinced. I have certainly found that “something,” however, and much more, but only over a period of years and with much soul-searching through inventory and risk-taking through honest sharing.
It seems that so many of us on entering AA have our own reasons why the program will not work. If one is married, it is because of a truculent spouse. If one is single, it is because there is no supportive partner. If one is employed, it is due to a demanding, overbearing boss. If one is unemployed, it’s due to the lack of funds. In my case I was gay. No one would want me in meetings and even if I were tolerated there, I would not be allowed to speak of my lifestyle. And if I did listen in meetings, the identification would not be present for me.
Two statements in our literature flash in my mind at
