a barber’s bason, a pot with water,[121] a razor, and cloths, and a pair of spectacles.
Jack. Come, mine own Father Grim, sit down.
Grim. Mass, to begin withal, here is a trim chair.
Jack. What, man, I will use you like a prince. Sir boy, fetch me my gear.
Will. Here, sir.
Jack. Hold up, Father Grim.
Grim. Me-seem my head doth swim.
Jack. My costly perfumes make that. Away with this, sir boy: be quick.
Aloyse, aloyse,[122] how pretty it is! is not here a good face?
A fine owl’s eyes, a mouth like an oven.
Father, you have good butter-teeth full seen.
[Aside] You were weaned, else you would have been a great calf.
Ah trim lips to sweep a manger! here is a chin,
As soft as the hoof of an horse.
Grim. Doth the king’s daughters rub so hard?
Jack. Hold your head straight, man, else all will be marr’d.
By’r Lady, you are of good complexion,
A right Croyden sanguine,[123] beshrew me.
Hold up, Father Grim. Will, can you bestir ye?
Grim. Methinks, after a marvellous fashion you do besmear me.
Jack. It is with unguentum of Daucus Maucus, that is very costly:
I give not this washing-ball to everybody.
After you have been dress’d so finely at my hand,
You may kiss any lady’s lips within this land.
Ah, you are trimly wash’d! how say you, is not this trim water?
Grim. It may be wholesome, but it is vengeance sour.
Jack. It scours the better. Sir boy, give me my razor.
Will. Here at hand, sir.
Grim. God’s arms! ’tis a chopping knife, ’tis no razor.
Jack. It is a razor, and that a very good one;
It came lately from Palermo,[124] it cost me twenty crowns alone.
Your eyes dazzle after your washing, these spectacles put on:
Now view this razor, tell me, is it not a good one?
Grim. They be gay barnacles, yet I see never the better.
Jack. Indeed they be a young sight, and that is the matter;
But I warrant you this razor is very easy.
Grim. Go to, then; since you begun, do as [it] please ye.
Jack. Hold up, Father Grim.
Grim. O, your razor doth hurt my lip.
Jack. No, it scrapeth off a pimple to ease you of the pip.
I have done now, how say you? are you not well?
Grim. Cham lighter than ich was, the truth to tell.
Jack. Will you sing after your shaving?
Grim. Mass, content; but chill be poll’d first, ere I sing.
Jack. Nay, that shall not need; you are poll’d near enough for this time.
Grim. Go to then lustily, I will sing in my man’s voice:
Chave a troubling base buss.
Jack. You are like to bear the bob, for we will give it:
Set out your bussing base, and we will quiddle upon it.
[Grim singeth Buss.
Jack sings. Too nidden and too nidden.
Will sings. Too nidden and toodle toodle doo nidden;
Is not Grim the collier most finely shaven?
Grim. Why, my fellows, think ich am a cow, that you make such toying?
Jack. Nay, by ’r Lady, you are no cow, by your singing;
Yet your wife told me you were an ox.
Grim. Did she so? ’tis a pestens quean,[125] she is full of such mocks.
But go to, let us sing out our song merrily.
The Song at the shaving of the Collier.
Jack. Such barbers God send you at all times of need.
Will. That can dress you [so] finely, and make such quick speed;
Jack. Your face like an inkhorn now shineth so gay—
Will. That I with your nostrils of force must needs play,
With too nidden and too nidden.
Jack. With too nidden and todle todle doo nidden.
Is not Grim the collier most finely shaven?
Will. With shaving you shine like a pestle of pork.[126]
Jack. Here is the trimmest hog’s flesh from London to York.
Will. It would be trim bacon to hang up awhile.
Jack. To play with this hoglin of course I must smile,
With too nidden and too nidden.
Will. With too nidden and todle, &c.
Grim. Your shaving doth please me, I am now your debtor.
Will. Your wife now will buss you, because you are sweeter.
Grim. Near would I be polled, as near as cham shaven.
Will. Then out of your jerkin needs must you be shaken.
With too nidden and too nidden, &c.
Grim. It is a trim thing to be wash’d in the court.
Will. Their hands are so fine, that they never do hurt.
Grim. Me-think ich am lighter than ever ich was.
Will. Our shaving
